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‘Promposal’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Modern Family: Promposal

720. Promposal

Aired May 4, 2016

Ahead of Closet-Con, Claire is convinced there's a mole in the company. Meanwhile, Phil teams up with Gloria to confront Aunt Alice for stealing her hot sauce recipe. Jay tries to teach Joe some "manly" tasks to avoid another Manny. Meanwhile, Cameron goes overboard when he helps Manny with a "promposal", while Mitchell takes a pared-back approach with Luke.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: That's Auntie Alice's new sauce! She stole my recipe! I know. I am the crazy Colombian that always loses her temper and needs to be calmed down by the white people.
Phil: No! I don't think you're being crazy enough. I'm not a violent man, but I know how nuts it can make you to create something special only to have it stolen from you. Do you remember a hit song called "Happy?"
Gloria: Yeah, it was like a couple of years ago with the clapping and the hat.
Phil: A couple of years ago, huh? So a full four years after this burst on the scene.
Phil: [on video] Because I'm snappy Snap with me if you think that today is a good day That's right, I'm snappy Snap with me if you took a test and you go-o-t an A You see, I'm snappy...
Phil: Sounds just a little similar, right?
Gloria: A little, but-
Phil: Thank you!
Gloria: But do you think that he saw this?
Phil: Um, it had 27 views. Come on. We're going down to that market to make that old bat cease and desist. I will not stand idly by while Auntie Alice Pharrell Williamses you.

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Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Yeah, it's a painful story.
Manny: I get it. Some things are better left unsaid.
Cameron: Her name was Tina Day. We were just friends, but I was so into asking her, I rented a white stallion and a suit of armor. I wanted it to be a whole "Knight and Day" theme. I was promposing before it was even a thing. I rode up her driveway, and I could see when she opened the door through the little slits in my helmet what her answer was gonna be. She wanted a traditional prom night with a guy she could lose her virginity to. I couldn't blame her. I wanted the same thing.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Gloria, we're above that. But not everyone would be. You should put that beauty in your garage.
Auntie Alice: I don't have one.
Phil: Oh, really? Just out of curiosity, do you not have a garage because you converted it into the guesthouse where your grandson's currently showering?
Auntie Alice: What's your game, mister?
Phil: I just find it interesting that you have a fully plumbed stand-alone dwelling on your property.
Auntie Alice: That's none of your business.
Phil: Even more peculiar, your grandson appears to live here, but judging by his T-shirt, he goes to Eden Mills High, an elite public school 12 miles outside of your district. Oh, maybe with the money you saved on private schools, you paid for the new two-sided brick fireplace I saw, which hasn't been legal since 1988.
Gloria: Go, Phil, go!
Phil: Pull the sauce, Big Al, or Monday morning, the city's here with a bulldozer, and your grandson goes to a school with a metal detector.
Auntie Alice: How do you know all this? What are you- Some kind of real-estate agent?
Gloria: No. He's a Realtor. There is a difference somehow!

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Okay, can I just point out the absurdity that you ask this uncle to advise you and not this uncle, who hung a Valentine's banner outside of his office that said, "Mitchell, you're the best husband, father, and lover."
Mitchell: Didn't love all three of those being rolled into one sentence. Sounded a little Ozark-y.

Quote from Jay

Jay: You're skipping out on ClosetCon?
Claire: Who told you that?
Jay: Ben. That little weasel told me everything. Listen, I can tolerate shutting down the blinds, even Rod Bushmill, but not showing up for ClosetCon, you're asking not to be taken seriously. My God, Claire! We're one strong season away from being invited to Expo Internationale Du Closets!

Quote from Jay

Jay: Come on, Joe. Buff that sucker. What'd I teach you?
Joe: [spits]
Manny: Sanitary. Is Joe applying for a job in a train station in 1940? [sipping tea with his pinkie extended]
Jay: Just teaching him a few things every man should know. Someone has to get in there early, or sometimes the kid turns out funny.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Oh, you know, they are looking for chaperones for prom, and I thought maybe we could-
Mitchell: No, we have tickets to the opening of "Cabaret" that night. I'm not missing it so I can tell some teenage girl to keep her dress on. I spent my own prom doing that.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: I know who that locker belongs to. I can't believe you're asking that cheap Ho to the prom.
Mitchell: Cam!
Cameron: Sarah Ho! She gave me a $5 gift card for Teacher Appreciation Day.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Wow. That's spicy.
Gloria: That's not the sauce she stole. That's her Volcano sauce. In her ad, one drop turns a hockey rink into a swimming pool. It's her new sauce, the one that tastes just like mine. How are you going to explain that?
Phil: Yeah, we want answers and a little bread.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Manny. Okay. I just briefed the team. Dry ice is ready. Bow ties are on the birds.
Manny: Save it, Cam. Megan already said yes to Shawn Reeves. He asked her last period.
Cameron: Oh, I'm so sorry, Manny.
Manny: Can't really blame her. I mean, you try saying no to Shawn Reeves with his weatherman smile and his exotic Canadian accent.
Cameron: Well, there must be someone else you can ask.
Manny: No, that's okay. There's always next year. At least this way I can see the opening of "Cabaret."
Cameron: Oh, please. It's just "Cabaret." It's been revived more times than Dick Cheney.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Poor lady. I feel terrible for screaming at her like that.
Phil: I blame myself.
Gloria: I blame yourself, too.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I'm sorry. I'm just kind of going through something. I got bumped from Lily's career day this morning by a periodontist. That's right. My job is less interesting that root rot.

Quote from Gloria

Phil: So, this is the house that stolen sauce built.
Gloria: [doorbell rings] I'm so angry that I don't even know what I'm gonna say to her! [door opens] Ah, so, this is the house that the stolen sauce built!

Quote from Manny

Jay: Come on. They can't hit you if they can't reach you.
Joe: My pants are falling.
Jay: Well, pull 'em up. Pull 'em up high to your nipples. That prevents a low blow.
Joe: What's a low blow?
Manny: Fantastic. I have to emcee a poetry retrospective tomorrow, and this shawl collar's got more wrinkles than last night's "Downton Abbey."
Jay: That is.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: A Maserati? She lied to us! Siguela!
Phil: Siguela!
Gloria: No, that means "follow her."

Quote from Cameron

Luke: I really like this girl, and there's just so much pressure to do something spectacular when you ask a girl out to prom. [air hissing] Is there something wrong with your air vents?
Mitchell: No, Cam breathes through his nose when he hides.
Cameron: A promposal? To who? Laurie Vock? Oh, no. She's Ian Jacobs' girl. Melanie Rylance? You have to be careful with her. She has more cold sores than Abby Burmeister.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, well, you know what? I would hate to muck up your promposal with my flair and panache. I'm sure the lucky girl will swoon with delight when you use a mustard bottle to write "Wanna go?" on her turkey burger.

Quote from Claire

Alex: [answering phone] Hello?
Claire: There's an intruder in the house. What?! But you have nothing to worry about with Pritchett's Guardian 3000 Closet, which doubles as a military-grade panic room.
Alex: So no intruder?
Claire: No! I'm just so excited about this idea. I'm debuting it next week at ClosetCon. What do you think?
Alex: I think I'm studying for finals. Can't you scare the crap out of a focus group?
Claire: Like I'm gonna share my best closet idea with a room full of strangers four days before the most hotly anticipated storage convention in North America.
Alex: Good point. You do have Haley's number, right? [hangs up]

Quote from Alex

Singing Group: Ooh, do-do-do-do, do-do-do From the first time that I saw your face Ooh, do-do-do, do-do-do, ay-ee-ay I knew you could mine Ahh
Reuben: Alex Dunphy, would you make me the happiest cat in school and swing by prom with me?
Alex: Sha-Na-nope.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] Apparently, someone tried to access my e-mail before I got in. Someone hell-bent on leaking company secrets. It is four days until C-Con, and Pritchett's Closets has a mole. No one is above suspicion.

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