Haley: Oh, my God, it's Lulu! She was my favorite toy. [chuckles] Mm. [voice breaking] I guess I... I just really miss Nana.
[aside to camera:]
Haley: Also I'm pregnant. Dylan and I haven't told anyone because I'm still trying to get my head around it, but holding Lulu made it so real. I'm gonna have an actual baby. Aah, I'm so stressed! [chuckles] I wish it was the '50s when it was still healthy to drink and smoke when you're pregnant.

Cameron: And once you plant your mom here, we're never gonna leave.
Mitchell: That's crazy. And I-I-I don't think you want to talk about promises we made back then.
Cameron: What are you suggesting? I've kept every promise I've made.
Mitchell: Really? You promised me a rose a month for the rest of my life, so I guess I dropped dead years ago.
Cameron: I read an article that said it was environmentally ins...
Mitchell: I've never seen you read an article. Also, you said you'd finally watch "E.T.," my all-time favorite movie.
Cameron: Oh, it just seems so stupid. What am I caring about? A wrinkly puppet with a Christmas light at the end of his creepy finger? And really? Me saying I would watch some pandering sap-fest is the same as you saying I would someday be reunited with my family?

Mitchell: I guess w-when I look at things from your point of view, I... I made a promise. When your dad needs you to take over the farm, I'm in.
Cameron: Mitchell, that means so much to me, and you're gonna love it. The fresh air, and there's no traffic. Oh, and with a second lawyer in town, we could reopen the courthouse. H-Have you ever milked a goat? Have you ever had fresh milk right from the spigot? Oh, unbelievable. You do have to be careful of snakes and mice and rats. There's a ton of field mice. They scare me. One ran up my sleeve one time when I was a kid.

Phil: Wow. I cannot wait to restore this baby. My high school bully had one. You'd be surprised how fast this thing can go. No problem catching up with a kid on a bike who left school minutes early.
Claire: I don't know if I want another half-finished project rusting away in the garage.
Phil: The only reason I stopped working on robot lawnmower was 'cause he started getting too smart.

Jerry: Dede and I never had a cross word.
Jay: What? That is not possible.
Jerry: Yep. If things ever got heated, I'd come up behind her, put my hands on her neck...
Jay: I'm with you so far.
Jerry: ...then massage her and tell her she was right.
Jay: But what if she wasn't right?
Jerry: [chuckles] That's ego talking. In Buddhism, we believe it's better to conquer yourself than win a thousand battles.
Jay: That's why Nepal is always crushing it at the Olympics.

Jay: What the hell?
Claire: Oh, my God. He brought Mom's old car?
Jay: You know, that thing was perfect for Dede - loud, pulled way to the left, and constantly broke down in public.

Jay: [aside to camera] My ex-wife, Dede, died two months ago, and her husband, Jerry, drove down with a bunch of junk she wanted us to have. I always liked Jerry.
Gloria: Then why did you always look at him funny?
Jay: Because I knew what he was in for. Same way I look at the footage of those people boarding the Titanic.

Jay: She's mad at me. Her family overstayed their welcome, and I turned off the hot water, took a few bulbs out of the room. You know how it is when you're married.

Phil: Whoo-hoo! Fun, huh? Feel that wind and smell that air.
Claire: Yeah, it's so bumpy.
Phil: Sports suspension. Nothing between me and the road except my knuckle-less gloves.
Claire: Why do you even have those?
Phil: Oh, a quirk of the Dunphys. My fingers get cold, but my knuckles get hot.

Haley: I'm gonna fix lunch. Want some?
Alex: You're eating lunch? Is there some new Internet challenge I'm not aware of? And why is your doll in bandages?
Haley: You know me. I always loved playing doctor.
[aside to camera:]
Haley: The truth is, I accidentally ran her over and ripped her arm off, which might have been fine if that was the only baby-mangling issue I had today. I'm not cut out to be a mother. Then again, a real baby is easier than a doll, right? [laughing] Like, a real baby would let you know if it was on fire.