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‘Unplugged’ Quotes Page 1 of 6    

Modern Family: Unplugged

205. Unplugged

Aired October 20, 2010

After Claire encourages her family to put down their gadgets, Phil turns it into a contest. When a barking dog keeps Gloria up at night, she takes matters into her own hands. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron try to get Lily into a prestigious pre-school.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?


Quote from Gloria

Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Jay: No.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: We have got to get her into school, or else she's gonna fall behind.
Cameron: Don't you think I know that?
Mitchell: This is perfect. Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Gloria's grandfather and uncles were butchers so she's always had a certain comfort level when it comes to... killing. One time, we had this rat. It was like nothing to her. She left the head out there to send a message to the other rats.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: What did you do?
Mitchell: What's best for Lily.
Cameron: Did you?
Mitchell: This is the first time being gay is a competitive advantage. They're choosing teams for gym class, and we're finally getting picked first.
Cameron: I always got picked first. I could throw a dodgeball through a piece of plywood. But I see your point.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] Disabled interracial lesbians with an African kicker?
Mitchell: Did not see that coming.

Quote from Haley

Alex: What's going on?
Phil: I'll tell you what's going on. I win. Nobody gets a car, I dump Tom Brady and our long Amish nightmare is over.
Claire: I can't believe you thought you were gonna put one over on us.
Haley: I can't believe that he's actually already on the Internet.
Phil: Believe it, girl.
Haley: So you're actually online right now?
Phil: Yep.
Haley: Well, then I hate to break it to you, Daddy but you lose. [laughing]
Phil: What?
Haley: This isn't my phone. I carved it out of a bar of soap and colored it in with a marker.
Claire: Phil, she carved a telephone out of a bar of soap.
Haley: I can't believe that I'm getting a car!
Phil: Holy crap. We've been Shawshanked.

Quote from Cameron

Mr. Plympton: Many of our applicants are attorneys.
Mitchell: Of course.
Mr. Plympton: What sets you apart?
Mitchell: Um, well, I...
Cameron: [affected accent] Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16th Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.
Mitchell: Oh, God.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to my camera] No way he's going to my village. I was in two car accidents when I was living there. Both times, I hit a goat. One was hurt pretty bad. But it was a good thing I had a shovel in the trunk.

Quote from Haley

Alex: I have a huge science paper due.
Claire: And we have a great set of encyclopedias somewhere. What do you think the public library is for?
Haley: I thought that was the bathroom for homeless people.

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