Frasier Quotes



After Dr. Frasier Crane returns to his hometown of Seattle to host a radio call-in show, his bachelor lifestyle is turned upside down when his father is forced to move in with him.

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, John Mahoney, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin.
Recurring Actors: Dan Butler, Edward Hibbert, Harriet Sansom Harris, Patrick Kerr, Bebe Neuwirth, Marsha Mason, Tom McGowan, Anthony LaPaglia, Millicent Martin, Wendie Malick.
Original Run: 1993-2004.

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Quote from Niles in A Tsar is Born

Martin: Oh, that's great. We can go anywhere. You know, the first place I want to go is Elmo, Nebraska. We got a whole mess of cousins down there. [exits]
Frasier: Well, we're out fifteen thousand each.
Niles: And we have to take long trips in a Winnebago.


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Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Quote from Frasier in The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Quote from Martin in The Two Mrs. Cranes

Niles: So, now you've met the whole Crane clan.
Clive: Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.
Niles: Oh, that must be an old book. Now she hyphenates. It's Moon-Crane.
Martin: I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. Damn near rolled it into the Sea of Tranquility.

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Quote from Niles in You Can Go Home Again

Waiter: You ready to order?
Niles: Uh, yes. Double decaf non-fat latte, mmm... medium foam, dusted with just the faintest whisper of cinnamon.
Frasier: I'll have a black coffee.
Niles: You'll have to forgive my brother. He just came in on the noon stage.
Frasier: I hope I never see the day when I am so frightfully pretentious that a good-old cup of American coffee isn't good enough for me.

Quote from Frasier in High Crane Drifter

Frasier: Excuse me. I was looking for.. [The phone rings again. Frasier places his hand on the phone to stop the clerk answering.] Don't even think about it. I'm looking for "How Green Was My Valley."
Clerk #1: Huh?
Frasier: It is a beautifully acted depiction of life in a small town in Wales. It won five Academy Awards. It's a classic.
Clerk #1: Oh. Well, uh, this is a shot in the dark, but you might try looking in the Classics section.
[Frasier walks over to the classics section and finds a customer with the video tape]
Frasier: Uh, you're taking "How Green Was My Valley?"
Woman: I heard it was great.
Frasier: Yes, but you heard it from me. You were standing next to me in the line. [The woman ignores him. Frasier returns to the clerk] Excuse me, is there another copy?
Clerk #1: Oh, yeah, that would be across the street in our "How Green Was My Valley" annex.

Quote from Frasier in Radio Wars

Niles: Frasier, what do you put in your bath water?
Frasier: You know very well it's a proprietary blend, Niles.
Niles: No, no, no. It's your super. There's something corroding the pipes in the unit below you. He thinks it may be something in your tub.
Frasier: [on the phone] Hello, yes, I'm sure it's not my fault but if you insist, I use... [waits for Niles to exit] ...jasmine, lavender, rose hips and a little Tahitian Vanilla.
Chicken: Yeah, well, that sounds okay. Boy, with a bath like that I bet the ladies sure go for you though, huh?
Frasier: Yes, well, love does enter through the nose.
Chicken: Hey, you know, the neighbors down here have been complaining about a little sound bleed-through. I think we got a bad tile. I sure would like to check it. I heard you sing into the phone earlier. You think you could, I don't know, do it again?
Frasier: All right. [Frasier starts singing "I'm in the Mood for Love" again]