Frasier Quotes

Frasier

Frasier

After Dr. Frasier Crane returns to his hometown of Seattle to host a radio call-in show, his bachelor lifestyle is turned upside down when his father is forced to move in with him.

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, John Mahoney, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin.
Recurring Actors: Dan Butler, Edward Hibbert, Harriet Sansom Harris, Patrick Kerr, Bebe Neuwirth, Marsha Mason, Tom McGowan, Anthony LaPaglia, Millicent Martin, Wendie Malick.
Original Run: 1993-2004.

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Quote from Niles in Coots and Ladders

Daphne: Oh, Martin, look at you. Sitting in your chair all sour and grumpy.
Ronee: You must be drunk in this picture, Niles. You've got your arm around a floor lamp.
Niles: Oh, no, that's Maris in her Easter hat.

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Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Quote from Frasier in The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Quote from Niles in To Tell the Truth

Niles: Well, that's it. It's over. It's over and I've lost. Maris has won. Maris always wins.
Martin: Niles.
Niles: Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That's why Niles lives at the Shangri-La and drives a hatchback!

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Quote from Frasier in Daphne Hates Sherry

Frasier: Please, would you two spare me the single entendre this morning? I'm trying to avoid getting sick.
Sherry: Well there's nothing like one of mama's big biscuits if you're fighting something off.
Frasier: Yes, I'm sure with good aim it could bring down an elk.

Quote from Frasier in The Kid

Frasier: Roz, I'm going to tell you something I didn't find out until I became a father. You don't just love your children. You fall in love with them. It's that same rush, that same overwhelming desire to see them, to hold them, and bore other people to tears with every detail about them.
Roz: Oh, my God. I'm gonna have a baby. Someone is gonna call out for "Mom" and it's gonna be me. I'm really scared. What if I can't do this by myself?
Frasier: But, Roz, you're not all by yourself. I'm here.
Roz: Oh, thank you, Frasier. [hugs him]
Frasier: And I'll be available for you in whatever way you wish, from taking you out to dinner tonight, to that moment in the delivery room when you say, "Welcome to the world little Jimmy," or "little Sally," or dare I hope "little Frasier?"
Roz: Oh my God, I think I'm gonna be sick.
Frasier: I guess I got a little carried away there.
Roz: No, I mean I'm gonna hurl!

Quote from Niles in A Word to the Wiseguy

Jerome: But, Jerome, I'm sorry, how could I have advised her otherwise? She said that you cheated on her.
Jerome: She said she suspected me. I've never cheated on Miss Brandy.
Frasier: All right, be that as it may, how can I advise her to marry a man who's so controlling that he won't even allow her to work?
Jerome: It may interest you to know that over the years I've called in favors to get Miss Brandy fourteen jobs. She lost all of them.
Frasier: So you're saying she's had trouble finding her niche?
Jerome: No, I'm saying she's a dodo. Now, you may love a dodo, you may think the dodo is beautiful, you may even wish to marry the dodo. But you do not encourage a dodo to fly! Now, when she loses these jobs it makes her very unhappy. So for her sake I said, "No more jobs." But now, in order to convince her to marry me, I've had to reverse this policy.
Frasier: So she has agreed to marry you?
Jerome: If I get her a job. And not just any job. A job that she can never lose. A job where if she burns the place down, they will apologize to her for having made it so flammable.
Niles: Well, good luck finding someone who'll hire her.
[Frasier and Jerome share a look, before turning to Niles]
Niles: Oh.