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‘Thunk in the Trunk’ Quotes

Modern Family: Thunk in the Trunk

713. Thunk in the Trunk

Aired February 17, 2016

Phil starts to feel like an underappreciated "house husband" as Claire's new job has her acting like an "alpha male" boss. Jay gets jealous when he sees people ogling a life-size cardboard cutout of Gloria. Meanwhile, Mitchell feels Cameron is being irrational when he starts snooping on the trio of house guests who are renting the unit upstairs.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] The best part about taking over my dad's company: I am now a powerful white male, and I love it. I totally get now why we don't want anyone else to have what we have.

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Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Cam, stay out of their business, all right? If we drop below three stars, we're gonna be stuck renting to chain smokers and pregnant foreigners trying to have their babies in America. Mark down the time. I just turned into my father.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Good morning, Madam President. May I introduce you to the ambassador of Java?
Claire: Oh, thank you. Because, after all, what is a travel mug but a closet for your coffee? And boom, our next promotional giveaway.
Phil: Wow. Throw on a black turtleneck and some mom jeans, It's like I'm married to Steve Jobs.

Quote from Jay

Jay: You know, these cheese cubes keep getting smaller every week. I should start saving these to prove my point. Wow, am I retired.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: It's there! It's beautiful!
Jay: A little revealing. I mean, I get using sex to sell your hot sauce. That's why I wore jordache jeans in my old closet ads. But a little much, isn't it?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, what is that all about? I mean, three adults? Why doesn't Tommy have a last name? Why doesn't Tommy talk? Is he their captive? Is Mrs. Wilkerson their captive? Is the captive in the trunk?
Mitchell: So there has to be a captive?

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Lately, we've been getting negative reviews from some of our renters.
Cameron: Say it.
Mitchell: And they tend to follow the common theme that the "bigger one" is "nosy."
Cameron: While others say the "orange fella" is "standoffish and cold."
Mitchell: Who says that?
Cameron: I'm saying it now.

Quote from Phil

Phil: This grainy security footage is all the store sent?
Gloria: Mm-hmm. I feel like I know him, Phil.
Phil: Whoever it is, it looks like they want to get caught. He keeps going back for the cheese cubes.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: What are you doing?
Cameron: Oh, uh, just a little research.
Mitchell: "Wilkersons plus adults Tommy plus mysterious trunk." Okay, now try googling "irrational meddling plus homosexual."

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Okay, you know what? You need to get out of the house. Go get the stamps. And a hobby.
Cameron: Okay, well, they're in our home, And I'm just trying to protect our family. I don't want to wake up dead.
Mitchell: I can't believe I have to say this to you again. You cannot wake up and be dead.
Cameron: It's an expression!
Mitchell: It's not.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Daddy should not have involved you in his snooping.
Lily: So you don't want me to tell you what I found in here?
Mitchell: No...
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Well, of course I looked. And inside I found latex gloves, a bottle of bleach, heavy-duty tarp. Now, I've never killed anyone and cleaned it up, but that sounds like a kit. So as soon as I saw them drive off in their windowless murder van, I-I ran upstairs.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh my gosh, here they come. Okay, I'll create a distraction so you can get back in there.
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: I simply invited them to a complimentary cocktail hour. Even possible satanists enjoy a triple-cream brie and a crisp chardonnay.

Quote from Jay

Manny: Hey, it's working!
Jay: The best shredder money can buy. In 2004, our whisper-close hamper technology got stolen out of the trash, got sold on the dark web. Never again.

Quote from Claire

Claire: It's just all of this. I'm so stressed. Phil, I've never been a boss before, and I am freaking out.
Phil: But you've been handled it so well.
Claire: I am faking it, Phil. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just copying my dad - the steak, the scotch, the cigars. Do you have any idea how bad the heartburn is?
Phil: But you just got here. Give it a little time.
Claire: There is no time. I'm in charge now. And I live every day in constant fear of everyone discovering that I'm a fraud. Oh, my god, I really am a powerful white male!

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, you are not a fraud.
Claire: I haven't had the guts to sit at my dad's desk since he left. I still feel like the little girl who used to play hide-and-seek under it.
Phil: Look. This is your desk now. You've earned it. You are not a little girl anymore. In fact, you're the strongest, smartest woman I know. The hardest company in the world to run is Dunphy Co., and you've kept us in business for 22 years. I don't worry about you in this job. I worry about the poor chump who has to follow you.

Quote from Jay

Jay: You know what always calms you down? Joe's little duck song. Now, let's- Let's get that going.
Gloria: I hate him.
Jay: [singing] quack, quack, quack, join the duck parade
Gloria: I want blood!
Jay: [singing] Waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle, watch them wade tail up, head down [Gloria joins] shake your feathers all around everybody's smiling at the duck parade


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