Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

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Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates Bad Boys

Julius: What's all this?
Rochelle: Well, I just thought that since we're going to a nice restaurant, we need to brush up on our manners. I don't want y'all in there embarrassing me.
Julius: For a free meal, I don't care if y'all showed up butt-naked with socks on.
Drew: If we were butt-naked, we wouldn't have socks on, would we?
Tonya: We're not even there yet, and I'm already embarrassed.

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Elections

Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Rochelle: Haven't I told you "do not eat the big piece of chicken"?
Chris: But I was still hungry.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother wasn't really mad at me, she was looking out for my father.
Rochelle: You see how big he is?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She didn't want him to go to work hungry. Because if he goes to work hungry then he'll be grouchy. And if he's grouchy, he might call his boss Cracker. And if he calls his boss Cracker then we're livin' in the projects again.
Rochelle: But do not eat the biggest piece of chicken. Do you understand? At least, you didn't mess up these school shoes. Come over here and give me some sugar. Now go to bed.

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates Drew

Mr. Jackson: I am Mr. Jackson, your sensei. Shotokan Karate is a very ancient art of combat. "Karate" literally means "empty hands." Now what we're gonna do here today is learning how to whupp somebody's ass with your empty hands. Matei! Matei!
Chris: So, are we going to be learning how to break boards?
Mr. Jackson: You got something against boards? Huh? What has a board ever done to you? Has a board ever embarrassed you in front of your woman? Asked Yolanda for her phone number and dared you to do something about it? And did you just stand there and watch her get into the boy's car and just drive off?
Chris: Uh... no.
Mr. Jackson: That's why we ain't learning how to break no damn boards.

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But I'm working hard trying to pay for this place, you know that.
Rochelle: Julius, just because you make money doesn't mean you know how to spend it. You gotta know how to work the system.
Julius: What system?
Rochelle: The debt system. I run this house like they run the country... on a deficit. Rent is due on the 3rd, I don't pay 'til the 9th because you don't get your check 'til the 7th. If you pay the light bill now, I won't have money for the groceries, the rent will be late and then you'll have to work overtime. You want to work overtime again, Julius? No, I don't think so. If we don't owe people money, we won't have any money at all.
Julius: Um... Why didn't you just say that then?
Rochelle: Because you didn't ask.