Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates Funerals

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My grandfather passing away was the first time I had to deal with a death in the family. I didn't know how to react, and I guess my mother didn't, either, because instead of doing this...
[fantasy: Rochelle is cursing the heavens as she holds up the pork chop he father was eating:]
Rochelle: Damn. Damn. Damn!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She did this...
[reality: Rochelle serves the kids breakfast]
Rochelle: Good morning, everybody.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I hadn't seen my mother that happy since Lionel Richie went solo.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Elections

Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Doc

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While one innocent man was off the hook, another was on death row and didn't even know it.
Julius: I love this song. Dinner smells delicious. What is it?
Rochelle: Two breasts.
Julius: Since when have you been interested in guns?
Rochelle: Since I found this bra in your sock drawer! [slams a knife into the table]
Julius: Rochelle?
Rochelle: What?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If my father had been paying attention, he would've noticed a few things.
Julius: I don't know anything about that bra. I've never seen that bra in my life?
Rochelle: So what was it doing in your sock drawer?
Julius: I have no idea.
Rochelle: Oh. Did a pair of your socks have a date last night and get lucky? Or maybe a pair of your socks thought it was a bra trapped inside socks' body! Or maybe you had a friend over, and she put 'em there.

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: Hey, man. I thought you were asleep.
Chris: I'm sorry I ate the big piece of chicken.
Julius: That was 89 cents worth of chicken. What? You didn't get enough to eat at school?
Chris: I was still hungry.
Julius: Now I'm still hungry. Look, next time, eat a little some extra breakfast, okay?
Chris: Okay.
Julius: Here. [hands Chris a note] Now, don't go pulling this money out. Somebody'll try to rob you. Don't tell your mother about this.

Quote from Vanessa in Everybody Hates Big Bird

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I realized my mistake, and Vanessa realized that going out with Kill Moves wasn't a mistake at all.
Rochelle: You were out all night?
Vanessa: Oh, girl, that's just the start of it. We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waiting for me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessasbigdatewithkillmoves.tv