Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
- Season 1
- 101 Everybody Hates the Pilot
- 102 Everybody Hates Keisha
- 103 Everybody Hates Basketball
- 104 Everybody Hates Sausage
- 105 Everybody Hates Fat Mike
- 106 Everybody Hates Halloween
- 107 Everybody Hates the Babysitter
- 108 Everybody Hates the Laundromat
- 109 Everybody Hates Food Stamps
- 110 Everybody Hates Greg
- 111 Everybody Hates Christmas
- 112 Everybody Hates a Part Time Job
- 113 Everybody Hates Picture Day
- 114 Everybody Hates Valentine's Day
- 115 Everybody Hates the Lottery
- 116 Everybody Hates the Gout
- 117 Everybody Hates Funerals
- 118 Everybody Hates Corleone
- 119 Everybody Hates Drew
- 120 Everybody Hates Playboy
- 121 Everybody Hates Jail
- 122 Everybody Hates Father's Day
- Season 2
- 201 Everybody Hates Rejection
- 202 Everybody Hates the Class President
- 203 Everybody Hates Elections
- 204 Everybody Hates a Liar
- 205 Everybody Hates Malvo
- 206 Everybody Hates the Buddy System
- 207 Everybody Hates Promises
- 208 Everybody Hates Thanksgiving
- 209 Everybody Hates Superstition
- 210 Everybody Hates Kris
- 211 Everybody Hates Eggs
- 212 Everybody Hates Hall Monitors
- 213 Everybody Hates Snow Day
- 214 Everybody Hates the Substitute
- 215 Everybody Hates Cutting School
- 216 Everybody Hates Chain Snatching
- 217 Everybody Hates DJs
- 218 Everybody Hates Baseball
- 219 Everybody Hates Gambling
- 220 Everybody Hates Dirty Jokes
- 221 Everybody Hates Math
- 222 Everybody Hates the Last Day
- Season 3
- 301 Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor
- 302 Everybody Hates Caruso
- 303 Everybody Hates Driving
- 304 Everybody Hates Blackie
- 305 Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad
- 306 Everybody Hates Bed-Stuy
- 307 Everybody Hates Houseguests
- 308 Everybody Hates Minimum Wage
- 309 Everybody Hates the New Kid
- 310 Everybody Hates Kwanzaa
- 311 Everybody Hates the Port Authority
- 312 Everybody Hates Bad Boys
- 313 Everybody Hates the First Kiss
- 314 Everybody Hates Easter
- 315 Everybody Hates Gretzky
- 316 Everybody Hates the BFD
- 317 Everybody Hates Ex-Cons
- 318 Everybody Hates Earth Day
- 319 Everybody Hates Being Cool
- 320 Everybody Hates the Ninth-Grade Dance
- 321 Everybody Hates Mother's Day
- 322 Everybody Hates Graduation
- Season 4
- 401 Everybody Hates Tattaglia
- 402 Everybody Hates Cake
- 403 Everybody Hates Homecoming
- 404 Everybody Hates the English Teacher
- 405 Everybody Hates My Man
- 406 Everybody Hates Doc
- 407 Everybody Hates Snitches
- 408 Everybody Hates Big Bird
- 409 Everybody Hates James
- 410 Everybody Hates New Year's Eve
- 411 Everybody Hates Mr. Levine
- 412 Everybody Hates Varsity Jackets
- 413 Everybody Hates Fake IDs
- 414 Everybody Hates PSATs
- 415 Everybody Hates Boxing
- 416 Everybody Hates Lasagna
- 417 Everybody Hates Spring Break
- 418 Everybody Hates the Car
- 419 Everybody Hates Back Talk
- 420 Everybody Hates Tasha
- 421 Everybody Hates Bomb Threats
- 422 Everybody Hates the G.E.D.
Everybody Hates Chris
Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.
Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.
Quote of the Day
Julius: What's all this?
Rochelle: Well, I just thought that since we're going to a nice restaurant, we need to brush up on our manners. I don't want y'all in there embarrassing me.
Julius: For a free meal, I don't care if y'all showed up butt-naked with socks on.
Drew: If we were butt-naked, we wouldn't have socks on, would we?
Tonya: We're not even there yet, and I'm already embarrassed.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!
Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.
Rochelle: Haven't I told you "do not eat the big piece of chicken"?
Chris: But I was still hungry.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother wasn't really mad at me, she was looking out for my father.
Rochelle: You see how big he is?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She didn't want him to go to work hungry. Because if he goes to work hungry then he'll be grouchy. And if he's grouchy, he might call his boss Cracker. And if he calls his boss Cracker then we're livin' in the projects again.
Rochelle: But do not eat the biggest piece of chicken. Do you understand? At least, you didn't mess up these school shoes. Come over here and give me some sugar. Now go to bed.
Mr. Jackson: I am Mr. Jackson, your sensei. Shotokan Karate is a very ancient art of combat. "Karate" literally means "empty hands." Now what we're gonna do here today is learning how to whupp somebody's ass with your empty hands. Matei! Matei!
Chris: So, are we going to be learning how to break boards?
Mr. Jackson: You got something against boards? Huh? What has a board ever done to you? Has a board ever embarrassed you in front of your woman? Asked Yolanda for her phone number and dared you to do something about it? And did you just stand there and watch her get into the boy's car and just drive off?
Chris: Uh... no.
Mr. Jackson: That's why we ain't learning how to break no damn boards.
Julius: Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But I'm working hard trying to pay for this place, you know that.
Rochelle: Julius, just because you make money doesn't mean you know how to spend it. You gotta know how to work the system.
Julius: What system?
Rochelle: The debt system. I run this house like they run the country... on a deficit. Rent is due on the 3rd, I don't pay 'til the 9th because you don't get your check 'til the 7th. If you pay the light bill now, I won't have money for the groceries, the rent will be late and then you'll have to work overtime. You want to work overtime again, Julius? No, I don't think so. If we don't owe people money, we won't have any money at all.
Julius: Um... Why didn't you just say that then?
Rochelle: Because you didn't ask.
Top Rated Episodes
- 203. Everybody Hates Elections
- 101. Everybody Hates the Pilot
- 419. Everybody Hates Back Talk
- 202. Everybody Hates the Class President
- 414. Everybody Hates PSATs
- 112. Everybody Hates a Part Time Job
- 222. Everybody Hates the Last Day
- 211. Everybody Hates Eggs
- 404. Everybody Hates the English Teacher
- 121. Everybody Hates Jail