Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.
Starring:
Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors:
Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad
Rochelle: Now, is this remedy of yours going to work?
Julius: Oh, it'll work. It's been passed down for generations. My mother got it from my grandmother who got it from her great grandmother who got it from a Puerto Rican lady.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father's home remedies were legendary. If you had a headache...
Julius: Baking soda and a pomegranate.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were nauseous...
Julius: Catfish and grape jelly.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were blind...
Julius: A tin cup and a white cane.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hey, he couldn't cure everything.
Popular Quotes
Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!
Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot
Julius: I know you're not gonna throw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.
Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Elections
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.
Trending Quotes
Quote from Doc in Everybody Hates Thanksgiving
Doc: I'm thankful I read this book by Larry X. I mean, this brother is so hip. I mean, he breaks down the real deal on Thanksgiving as it pertains to the disenfranchised minorities of this capitalist society. And it's autographed, too. You better read it.
Chris: Thanks.
Quote from Ryan in Everybody Hates Fake IDs
Greg: We just want to go see the Fat Boys.
Ryan: Oh. I love those guys. [sings] All you can eat [grunting rhythmically]
Chris: So, when can we get 'em?
Greg: And how much is it gonna cost?
Ryan: Well, that depends. When it comes to delivery, you have three separate options. You can get 'em fast and cheap, but not good; you can get 'em good and cheap, but not fast; or you can get 'em fast and good, but not cheap.
Chris: Well, the concert's tomorrow, so how much is the last option?
Ryan: 25 bucks. Each.
Quote from Vanessa in Everybody Hates Big Bird
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I realized my mistake, and Vanessa realized that going out with Kill Moves wasn't a mistake at all.
Rochelle: You were out all night?
Vanessa: Oh, girl, that's just the start of it. We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waiting for me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessasbigdatewithkillmoves.tv
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