Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates Valentine's Day

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even at school, Valentine's Day was a big deal, and it seemed like everybody was getting something except me.
Greg: Still a few days to go. We could still get a card.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That look means, "If we weren't friends, I'd smack the hope out of you."

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Elections

Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.

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Quote from Ms. Morello in Everybody Hates Houseguests

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at school, Greg was catching up on more than his studies.
Ms. Morello: What year did the American Revolution begin? Greg. Greg?!
Greg: [wakes up] 1942.
Ms. Morello: Greg, what's wrong with you? You're usually so alert.
Chris: It's because he's staying at my house for the week.
Ms. Morello: Oh, my God, he's drunk?! Did he have a 40 for breakfast?
Greg: I'm not drunk. I'm just not used to getting up so early.
Ms. Morello: Don't be ashamed. Chris's people have a history of being up when the rooster crows to go to work in the fields. Who could expect you to keep up? Go back to sleep.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She was Don Imus in a dress.

Quote from Greg in Everybody Hates Hall Monitors

Chris: Oh, I asked Mrs. Milone. She said as long as I kept my grades up, there'll be no problem.
Greg: Man, I always wanted to be a hall monitor.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What Greg imagined hall monitors did and what they actually did were two different things.
[fantasy: Greg and another boy are in army fatigues as they monitor a group of students in the hallway:]
Greg: [over radio] Hall Dog One to Hall Dog Two. I have a group of violators. Sector one. On my signal Hall monitors! Down! Get on the ground! Go! That's what happens to punks who linger after the second bell. Book 'em, guys. We got a runner!

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Hall Monitors

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Every time my mother got a new job, there was always someone she hated. At the hospital, it was Tammy.
[fantasy: Rochelle is wearing a nurse's uniform as she talks to Julius:]
Rochelle: So Tammy says to set the defibrillator to 200. I know how to set the defibrillator. I'm gonna defibrillate her.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At the fire station, it was Betty.
[fantasy: Rochelle is in a fireman's uniform talking to Julius:]
Rochelle: That damn Betty set the water pressure at a hundred pounds per square inch, when she know I told her to set it at 130 pounds per square inch. I should've turned the hose on her.
[fantasy: Rochelle wearing an astronaut's uniform and carrying foil-wrapped meals as the family sit at the dinner table with a jar of Tang:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And at NASA, it was Belinda.
Rochelle: Can you believe that heifer? I told her to set the aft booster at 25,000 feet per second, and she looked at me like I'm crazy. Now, if we would've got stuck in the ionosphere, she would've been like, "Oh, well, what we gonna do now?" More Tang?
[reality:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And at the office, it was Charmaine.
Rochelle: And then when I got back from lunch, she done move my stapler. Talking about, "That's not where it goes." I told her I put it there, so that's where it goes. He didn't hear a word she said.