Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

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Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Car

Police Officer: Was there money in the tires?
Chris: No.
Police Officer: A baby?
Chris: A baby in the tires?
Police Officer: You'd be surprised. Was this baby Black or White?
Chris: There was no baby in the tires.
Police Officer: Well, tell me, sir, exactly what was in the tires?
Chris: Air.
Police Officer: White air?
Chris: White air?!
Police Officer: You'd be surprised. All right, fill this out, and we'll see what we can do.
Chris: Well, should I move it so I don't get a ticket?
Police Officer: Don't bother. [slaps a ticket on the windshield] Too late.

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Elections

Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.

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Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Cake

Julius: I knew this androgynous guy when I was coming up.
Chris: You did?
Julius: Yeah. He was one of the baddest dudes I ever met. Pink Bobby Jenkins. He was androgynous way before it was popular. Everybody used to make fun of him.
Chris: Pink Bobby? So did you guys hang out?
Julius: Nope. I didn't want people to think I was androgynous. Then one day, I was coming home from school, and these guys jumped me. Oh, they had me too. Then, next thing I know, here comes Pink Bobby. Man, Pink Bobby was knocking suckers out. I asked him why'd he help me, even though I wouldn't talk to him. But he said he didn't care that I didn't talk to him. It was because I didn't talk about him. After that, we were always cool.
Chris: And people didn't think you were androgynous?
Julius: Look, Chris, unless you show up in a dress, heels and makeup, nobody's gonna think you're androgynous.
Chris: Thanks, Dad.

Quote from Vanessa in Everybody Hates Big Bird

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I realized my mistake, and Vanessa realized that going out with Kill Moves wasn't a mistake at all.
Rochelle: You were out all night?
Vanessa: Oh, girl, that's just the start of it. We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waiting for me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessasbigdatewithkillmoves.tv

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But I'm working hard trying to pay for this place, you know that.
Rochelle: Julius, just because you make money doesn't mean you know how to spend it. You gotta know how to work the system.
Julius: What system?
Rochelle: The debt system. I run this house like they run the country... on a deficit. Rent is due on the 3rd, I don't pay 'til the 9th because you don't get your check 'til the 7th. If you pay the light bill now, I won't have money for the groceries, the rent will be late and then you'll have to work overtime. You want to work overtime again, Julius? No, I don't think so. If we don't owe people money, we won't have any money at all.
Julius: Um... Why didn't you just say that then?
Rochelle: Because you didn't ask.