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40Quotes from ‘Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook’

Modern Family: Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook

805. Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook

Aired October 26, 2016

Phil and Claire are worried when Luke throws a Halloween party at home, but their concern is that the party is going to be a total bust. Phil tries to pump things up at the party as "Rod Skyhook". Mitchell thinks Cameron is taking Batman's thirst for justice a little too far as he searches for the Darth Vader kid who took too much candy. Meanwhile, Jay gets Manny to play a prank on his old nemesis Earl Chambers when Manny attends his grand daughter's party.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] David Soul played Hutch in "Starsky and Hutch." Now, one of my groovier closet ideas was a hutch for your skis that latched onto the end of your closet. I called it the "Storeski End Hutch." David Soul gave me a signed picture. Well, one day, the picture disappears and Earl plays innocent. But the whole time, he's had it. Ironically, this would've been a great episode in "Starsky and Hutch."

Quote from Jay

Jay: This is mine! I'm the one who came up with "Storeski End Hutch." Just like I came up with the "Dr. Quinn Medicine Cabinet." You were the hack! I was the visionary!

Quote from Phil

Mitchell: Phil, are you okay?
Phil: I'm fine. Yeah. Hey, you know what the Beaver said when he slipped in water?
Mitchell: Damn it?
Phil: Damn it.

Quote from Manny

Jay: [on the phone] Steal that picture!
Manny: But what about the fish?
Jay: Forget the fish!
Manny: Oh, so, for no reason, I've just been carrying around this red herring?

Quote from Phil

Luke: Here you go.
Phil: Sorry I forgot that, buddy.
Phil: I would have grabbed it myself, but we were trying to respect the whole "no parents" thing. Also, how would it look if I went into your party looking for some tail? [chuckles] I'm gonna reuse that later. Act surprised.

Quote from Alex

Reuben: I see your costume is The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.
Alex: Shut up, Reuben. You make everything terrible.
Reuben: And we're off.
Alex: Don't flatter yourself! Just because I'm alone on Halloween doesn't mean I don't have plenty of suitors! Last week, an Uber driver asked to see my feet! Reuben, are you listening to me?! Reuben!

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Cam, I feel terrible that you got hit with an egg, but you're ruining the night for Lily. Do you have to nurse every single grudge?
Cameron: I don't do that.
Mitchell: Are you kidding me? You have more archenemies than the actual Batman. How about that sales lady who helped you with the scarf?
Cameron: She implied my neck was the problem.
Mitchell: The Spanish teacher you've been working with?
Cameron: He calls me "locos frijoles" like I don't know what that means. It's "crazy beans," right?
Mitchell: Yes, it is. Oh, and don't forget about Andrew from your old choir.
Cameron: He stole my piano key scarf, which is why I had to go into the stupid scarf store to begin with!

Quote from Claire

Claire: Isn't that better? Now we can all see and hear each other. Nice, huh? You got a little something-
Sophie: Who are you, and what are you doing at my party?
Claire: Just making sure everybody's having a good, clean, safe time. Somebody's talked to you all about herpes, right?

Quote from Mitchell

Luke: Great. The karaoke machine. Thanks, Uncle Mitch.
Mitchell: It's Cam's, and he loves it. He's never more than two glasses of wine away from treating us all to an impromptu concert. It's 100 bucks if you break it.
Luke: Really?
Mitchell: Do you want more?

Quote from Phil

Phil: Who's America's favorite TV mom?
Claire: Could it be June Cleaver?
Phil: That must make me the Beaver. I can't hear too well. How hard is Luke laughing?

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Jay, as a Catholic, I do not feel right about this.
Jay: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. It's the perfect family costume.
Gloria: It doesn't even make sense. Joe should be the Jesus.
Joe: Yeah!
Jay: "Joe" short for "Joseph." "Jay" short for "Jaysus." It's the only way it makes sense.
Gloria: But he's the child.
Jay: You're overthinking it.

Quote from Gloria

Manny: There's going to be a million people at Luke's.He's not going to care whether or not I attend.
Gloria: Manny, is this because Luke beat you for class president? Why can't you get over this devastating humiliation?
Manny: Because something keeps me reminding me. But it has nothing to do with that. Sophie Chambers is throwing a party with a much more sophisticated crow-
Jay: You're not going to any party thrown by any member of that crooked Earl Chambers family. That bastard stole my closet company right out from under me!
Gloria: No, no, no, no, no. Don't say the word "bastard" when you're dressed like Jesus! And you, never turn your back on family. My cousin Gomez skipped my other cousin Gomez's party, and my cousin Gomez felt completely stabbed in the back.
Manny: Because he-
Gloria: Because he was.

Quote from Lily

Lily: How much candy do we have to hand out before I go trick-or-treating? Can't I just take a knife and go by myself?
Mitchell: No!
Lily: No one would mess with me. [clicks fingers]
Mitchell: I told you she was too young for "West Side Story."

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You know what, Mitchell? That same little jerk grabs a handful of candy every year. He's my Halloween nemesis. There is a social contract. You say "trick or treat," you get one piece of candy. That breaks down, we're just a hop, skip, and a jump to a lawless wasteland where we use beads and teeth for money!

Quote from Jay

Jay: Gloria, you won't believe this.
Gloria: What?
Jay: That was Claire. Manny never showed up at Luke's party. They think he went to Sophie's.
Gloria: So disappointed in him.
Jay: I know, and I hate to drive over there and drag him to Luke's, but I know better than to try to stop you.
Gloria: I feel bad about embarrassing him, but I was very clear about this.
Jay: Well, maybe next time he'll get the picture. [chuckles]
Gloria: Why did you just chuckle like that?
Jay: Nothing. The- The beard tickles.

Quote from Claire

Claire: I know you were going to say that I'm being a neurotic, overly protective mom, but I-
Phil: I saw that, too. Something's up with Luke. You think he's in over his head? I should check on him. Should I check on him? I should check on him.
Claire: You are never sexier than when you out-crazy me.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, you know what? Maybe I do have an overdeveloped sense of justice.
Mitchell: Thank you.
Cameron: But maybe I wouldn't if my partner took my side every once in a while.
Mitchell: I take your side when I agree with you.
Cameron: That's easy. Anybody can do that. Marriage is about sticking up for your partner, even when you don't agree with him.
Mitchell: Is it?

Quote from Phil

Claire: Oh, poor Luke. He must be crushed.
Phil: It's not as easy to pack a high-school party as it was in our day, Claire. Apparently, it's no longer cool for kids to invite teachers or parents.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Then why didn't anybody come to his party?
Haley: Because they're all at Sophie Chambers' party.
Phil: Who?
Haley: A kid in Luke's class. I'm Facebook friends with her brother 'cause he used to sell me wee... gs. Wigs. That's how he pronounces it. He's British. When are you guys gonna talk, huh?

Quote from Haley

Claire: Luke worked so hard on this party. He made his own costume, did all the decorations. He even thought he hid that bottle of Peppermint Schnapps under his bed.
Haley: This is the kind of thing that could ruin his first senior year. Wait! I can help! Are we forgetting what I do for a living? Huh?
Claire: Uh, we remember. You pretend to be friends with celebrities.
Phil: So you can sell h- Hats?
Haley: I'm a promoter. I can go to Sophie's and talk up Luke's party.

Quote from Phil

Phil: While you do that, I'm gonna get the party started.
Haley: What? No, no. A dad hanging around will only make that party lamer.
Phil: Um, a dad, maybe. But not Rod Skyhook, yo! The coolest new transfer student ever! Oh, wait. What do cool kids call girls nowadays? Bettys? Shawties?
Haley: Don't worry. There are none in there.

Quote from Alex

Reuben: I'm glad my hypoglycemia doesn't prevent me from filling up on eye candy.
Alex: Sorry. I can't hear you. I'm listening to a message from the sexiest professor in the physics department. Let's just say he got drunk after a symposium last year and asked me to wheel him home.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Thanks for inviting me to your party, brah! Sweet jams. Where are all the fillies at?!
Luke: Dad?
Phil: Dad? I'm Rod Skyhook -- recent transfer student, yo! What's that knockin'? Oh, it's me, about to get this party rockin'!
Luke: Oh, God.
Phil: It's all good up under the hood, biznatches! Pretty soon, every kid in here's gonna call everyone they know, tell them to get their butts down here. You want to gas up the foot traffic-
Luke: I'm not inviting parents.
Phil: Your party, broseph! Sorry, Jack. I'm gonna need some beats! ['80s hip-hop plays]

Quote from Manny

Girl: Did you say Dumbo?
Manny: No, Trumbo. Little background. In the 1950s, a certain senator from Wisconsin named Joe McCarthy...

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Mom?
Gloria: You said that you were going to Luke's.
Manny: Yeah, but Jay said-
Jay: [booming voice] Don't you say a word, mister! I will deal with you later.
Manny: Jay said I could come to the party if I put dead fish in Earl's shoes.
Jay: Where does he come up with this stuff?
Gloria: Are you lying, dressed as our Lord and Savior? What is that? Did you steal that?
Jay: No. I've had this with me all night.
Gloria: You're lying again! Manny, don't stand next to him!

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: As soon as they stop fighting about whatever stupid new thing that they're fighting about, we're getting the car and we're going to Luke's.
Manny: I'm not really in the mood for another party.
Gloria: Well, I wasn't in the mood to insult God tonight, but the Bible also said, "Listen to your husband." I'm very tense about this, so don't fight me! And get in the car.
Manny: I won't fit in.
Gloria: We'll take this bathtub and put it in the roof.
Manny: No. I won't fit in at the party. Nobody gets me, Mom, and I'm starting to worry nobody ever will.
Gloria: Who cares that the kids your age don't get you? That means that you're more interesting than them. That means that you're gonna be hanging out around people that are more interesting. You're gonna have a more inter-
Manny: Interesting life. Yes, I know. I've been hearing this speech since I was 5. When's it gonna happen?
Gloria: Jesus has the devil in a headlock. That's not interesting to you?

Quote from Jay

[aside to camera:]
Jay: I saw my reflection and I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" It's time to be the bigger man.
[flashback:]
Jay: I don't want to do this anymore.
Earl Chambers: Wh- What are you saying?
Jay: This has gone on too long. The lies, the anger. And what I left in your sock drawer tonight.
Earl Chambers: What?
Jay: Keep the picture, Earl. I forgive you.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: It's gonna drive that son of a bitch crazy.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Haley. I have been waiting for over an hour, and not a single person has left this party.
Haley: Oh, my God, this is the best sushi I've ever had. For the first time, I can taste the yellowtail from the sea and then the rice from the land, then back to the sea for the seaweed.
Claire: Looks like you did more than just seaweed.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Sarah?
Sarah: Mrs. Dunphy.
Claire: Is that a beer?
Sarah: It's not mine. Please don't tell my parents.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: That's when I realized I didn't need Haley to undermine a party. I just needed to drop the Mom-bomb.

Quote from Claire

Father: Look, buddy. I don't know who egged you, but I can understand why. A kid takes a little extra candy and you chased him home? He's 9. How old are you, Batman? 50?
Cameron: [gasps]
Father: What kind of person does that?
Mitchell: I will- I will tell you what kind of person. Someone who believes in a civilized society, who believes that the future of our country depends on the lessons that we teach our children. "What kind of person," sir? A hero.
Boy: I didn't do it!
Mitchell: Oh, come on. We heard you laughing!
Boy: 'Cause the blonde lady with an Axe in her head threw an egg at you.
Mitchell: Blonde lady?
Cameron: Axe?
[aside to camera:]
Claire: That squirting flower really yanked my chain. Could not go unanswered.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Is it just my imagination, or is Dad actually saving your lame party?
Luke: Is it just my imagination, or is Reuben's makeup on your chin?
Alex: I have a problem.

Quote from Manny

Dorothy Parker: I'm so sorry.
Manny: Don't be. This is the most a girl's danced with me all night.
Dorothy Parker: I love your Dalton Trumbo.
Manny: Thank you, Dorothy Parker.
Dorothy Parker: You're the first person tonight who's actually gotten that.
Manny: I know how that feels.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Yo, yo, yo! Awesome rager on the ground floor! Upstairs off-limits! Backyard, too, 'cause it just got re-sodded! What's up, buddy?
Dorothy Parker: [scoffs] Typical high-school idiot.
Manny: I fear for this country.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Hey, gorgeous! Look what I turned this water into.
Gloria: Jay, enough. Halloween is over.
Jay: Come on. The night is young. Why don't we go begat it on?
Gloria: I'm not going to fool around with someone dressed like Jesus.
Jay: Gloria, you're being silly.
Gloria: Am I? I once dated a guy named Jesús. There was no harvest that year.
Jay: Is that the same year your uncle got drunk and planted marbles?
Gloria: Who do you think made him do that?
Jay: Gloria, all due respect, I think the big guy has better things to worry about than two sexy, you know... [light bulb blows] I'm gonna change into something a little more secular.
Gloria: [prays in Spanish]

Quote from Luke

Luke: Don't waste this gold on me. Get over to the Hendersons' party, put your keys in a bowl, do the Hustle.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Hey. I just heard a story about a kid who had an unsupervised party and one of the guests broke his leg because he jumped off the roof onto a trampoline and sued the parents.
Luke: We have a trampoline. And a roof.
Claire: I need to know that you're joking.
Luke: Mom, I have everything under control.
Phil: [laughing] Claire, come on! He's a responsible young man! Have a little faith in your son. [to ALex] These are all the emergency numbers. That's Fire, Police, Poison Control, Homeland Security. You're in charge. I mean, unless you happen to have other plans.
Alex: Yeah, let's just pretend I partied too hard last night.
Phil: You're an animal.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Huh? You get who this is, right?
Jay: Harriet Tub Man? Oh, Joyce Carol Floats. Farrah Faucet, spelled F-A-U...
Manny: Yeah, I get it. And why are you only guessing women? I'm Dalton Trumbo, blacklisted screenwriter, wrote in a bathtub. I'm a little worried that because of the movie, a lot of people will have this costume.
Jay: I think you're good. Nobody going to Luke's party will ever be able to figure out that costume.

Quote from Jay

Manny: Come on. The party's going to be at Sophie's grandpa's mansion. It's the social event of the season.
Gloria: You're going to Luke's!
Manny: That's not fair!
Jay: You heard your mother! You're going to Luke's! [softly] You're going to Earl's.
Manny: What?
Jay: You're gonna put dead fish in his shoes. And I'm gonna cover for you if your mother gets suspicious.
Manny: Where am I going to hide fish?
Jay: You're in a bathtub!

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: W-What are you doing?
Cameron: What? It's my one and only candy bar for the night. No more Snickers.
Mitchell: If you don't want to hear any more snickers [laughing] then don't pretend that's your last candy bar.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Cam doesn't react well to candy.
Cameron: Which is why I never eat it. Except on Halloween. And I admit, in years past, I may have overindulged.
Mitchell: Which leads to a crazy high followed by a tearful, self-loathing crash. It's a Days of Red Vines and Roses.

Quote from Gloria

Woman: Yeah, but wouldn't the child be Jesus?
Jay: [cell phone rings] I got to take this. Tell her what we're doing with this.
Gloria: My husband is going to hell and he's trying to take us with him.


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