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‘Aunt Mommy’ Quotes

Modern Family: Aunt Mommy

315. Aunt Mommy

Aired February 15, 2012

When Phil and Claire join Mitchell and Cameron for a celebratory meal, they make a proposal that they soon regret. Meanwhile, Jay pushes Manny to play sports, and Haley and Alex team up on Luke.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Mom heard us say we were bored.
Phil: Suckers.
Alex: She heard us from outside.
Haley: She has super good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact that-- Wait, the dogs aren't blind. Wait. Are they? No, that wouldn't make sense.
Alex: You're right. If I wait long enough, she can get there by herself.

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Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: It's perfect! It's our chance to have a baby that's part me, part you!
Mitchell: No, no! It's part you and part Claire. I'm nowhere in there. And it's not like I can pretend. It's- She's not some egg donor that we don't know. It's Claire. You know, we see her all the time. And what are we supposed to tell the baby? "Say hi to your Aunt Mommy!"
Cameron: Adorable.
Mitchell: No, not adorable. Appalachian.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I have to go show a house. But first, what was Elton John's sexual orientation in the '70s?
Haley & Alex: Bi.
Haley: You've done that one before.
Phil: And it never gets old. Like the good Captain Fantastic himself.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Oh! Oh, thank God. Nobody's dead.
Luke: Or we're all dead.
Claire: How many plates did we lose?
Alex: None. Luke and Haley used cookie sheets to clear a path through the marbles for me.
Claire: Where are the marbles?
Haley: Right here.
Claire: Oh, Haley!
Haley: I put glue on them so it doesn't happen again.
Claire: What about the chair?
Luke: Leon and I rolled it outside on some skateboards.
Claire: Oh. The squirrel?
Alex: You think I was going to let that happen?
[aside to camera:]
Claire: These kids are going to survive. They are the best of me and Phil. Luke using the skateboards, Haley gluing the marbles, that is pure Phil. Alex keeping everyone in line, pure me. Sometimes I worry no one's gonna like Alex.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Quick, girls, famous Danny from "Moonstruck." [answering phone] Aiello?

Quote from Phil

Mitchell: [on the phone] Hey, Phil. I'm glad I caught ya.
Phil: What's up?
Mitchell: Uh, it's about Steven and Stefan. They wanna see that house on Briar again.
Phil: Really? I showed it to them five times. Last time we were there, I think they got mail.

Quote from Claire

Phil: Hey, Claire, guess what?
Claire: I'm sorry, honey, I can't talk right now. I told Bethenny I would take her to the airport. I'm late, and she's gonna miss her flight. Where are my keys? Why is that chair still here? I thought you and Luke were gonna put it out on the sidewalk.
Phil: So you can't talk unless it's about my chores?
Claire: Why don't you just do it now, and you won't be so bored?
Phil: You heard that?
Claire: I hear everything.

Quote from Jay

Manny: Can you put this in the jar with the others?
Gloria: Si. Ay, I forgot. What is the combination to your safe?
Manny: [looking at Jay] I'll just come with you.
Jay: Oh, yes, 'cause that's how this arrangement works, I take money from you!

Quote from Phil

Phil: And that is the whole house. Again.
Steven: I love it, but I just don't love it. Do you love it?
Stefan: I love it. I absolutely love it. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with it.
Phil: Oh, yeah.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: We have an expression around the office for when a sale just isn't happening, "Commission: Impossible." Maybe for some people.

Quote from Phil

Phil: It's not fair. I love you both so much. If you could have a baby that was a mix of the two of you, I would love that baby so much.
Claire: Aw, that is so sweet.
Phil: I meant it.
Claire: That is so sweet. Oh, my God. You guys, we could do this. We could do this. We could make a baby that is half Tucker and half Pritchett.
Phil: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Claire: Yeah.
Phil: Cloning?
Claire: No.

Quote from Claire

Claire: I'm saying I give the egg.
Mitchell: Oh!
Claire: Yeah. I give the egg. That's the Pritchett side. And then, Cam, you're the father, right? And then we just, like, mix it and put it in a, like, a surrogate lady thing, and then bang! We have a baby.
Mitchell: Oh. Are--are you serious?
Cameron: You would do that?
Claire: I would be honored. You guys, you guys, if there's one thing I have learned today, it's the pleasure of looking at your children, and seeing both- both of you in there. And I want you to have that experience.
Mitchell: Yeah. Yeah. We want that.
Claire: And something else. Guys, I make really good babies. Yes. I have, like, magic eggs or something. They're golden.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Sweet potato fries!

Quote from Phil

Claire: What was I thinking? I-I-I just get drunk and I bring a baby into the world?
Phil: That would be 4 for 4.

Quote from Phil

Claire: I can't go through with it.
Phil: Don't panic. You haven't donated anything yet. Besides, what are the chances your eggs even work? What are the chances we can pretend I never said that?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Look. This is what my baby with Claire would look like.
Mitchell: What is this? What-
Cameron: Okay, well, I found a web site where couples can upload pictures and then it shows them what their baby would look like. This is Gloria and I. Couldn't resist.
Mitchell: Wow. That- That looks exactly like Manny. Like- Like weirdly so. What- What's this other picture?
Cameron: Don't be jealous. But this Is me and Justin Timberlake.
Mitchell: Cam, we have a problem.
Cameron: Oh, what? You can talk about Ryan Gosling all day, but the moment I say something...

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Oh, my God. Cam, they told the kids already, and they seem to be totally into it. All right, is it just me? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird?
Cameron: Maybe it's not weird. Maybe we're pioneers.
Mitchell: Mm, no we're hardly pioneers. You have three different hair dryers for different types of weather.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: No. You don't get to tell everyone how to live their lives, that boys cannot spend time with their mommies or that brothers and sisters can't make babies.
Jay: So you're all for this?
Gloria: No. It's a freak show, but it's their freak show.

Quote from Gloria

Manny: The big one, remember? One of the first ones we found. It was at the bottom of the gutter in the street.
Gloria: Ay, yes. We put the gum at the bottom of your walking stick. Ay, look at this one-- the green one, the one we found at the floor of my taxi.
Jay: Your taxi?
Gloria: Yes. Before I had somebody running my life for me, I used to drive a taxi at night. Manny would sleep in the seat next to me. One time, I had to hit the brakes so hard that he fell into the floor and he found the penny.
Manny: Pretty lucky, huh?


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