Mitchell Pritchett Quotes Page 1 of 63
Quote from Schooled
Mitchell: [aside to camera] While often lumped together, gay men and lesbians have less in common than one might think.
Cameron: Like in the Venn diagram of sexual identity, you have gay men...
Mitchell: And straight men. Both the same gender.
Cameron: Then you have gay men...
Mitchell: And straight women. Both attracted to the same gender. But gay men and lesbians? No.
Quote from Little Bo Bleep
Cameron: What about the wedding? What if she says it there? She's like a ticking time bomb!
Mitchell: Well, what are we gonna do, cancel?
Cameron: Yes. Maybe we just call and say, "We're not going to any more weddings until the gays can get married."
Mitchell: Oh, so now we're political? We leave town on gay pride weekend because we don't like the traffic.
Quote from Lake Life
Mitchell: [aside to camera] It was Scotty, this local lake kid I met on vacation when I was thirteen. I had a huge crush on him, so on the last day, I decided to take a chance and I kissed him. It was my first time ever kissing a boy, so when he pulled away and said that he wasn't "into this," I was humiliated. I mean, I'd obviously misread signals. He was straight. It was five years before I ever made a move on a guy again. And even then, I wouldn't dare unless he was basically floating across the room. Which is why I ended up with... Well, you know.
Quote from Unplugged
Mitchell: We have got to get her into school, or else she's gonna fall behind.
Cameron: Don't you think I know that?
Mitchell: This is perfect. Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.
Quote from Our Children, Ourselves
Jay: I never realized you ever had sex with a girl.
Mitchell: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I kinda got around back then, actually.
Jay: More than one?
Jay: Well, there was Tracy. Who else?
Mitchell: Uh, Betty Rizzo.
Jay: Don't remember her.
Mitchell: Eliza Doolittle? Nellie Forbush?
Jay: These were classmates?
Mitchell: Well, some were older. Some were younger. Liesl and Gretl von Trapp. Sisters, obviously. Too far?
Jay: I'm not an idiot. You played that record night and day. Why would you tell me a thing like that?
Quote from Kids These Days
Phil: You know, I'm as happy now as I've ever been. And look, we're in Yucaipa. That sounds like how Ewoks talk.
Mitchell: I used to sneak off to a gay bar in Yucaipa before I came out.
Phil: Huh, you don't really think of gay bars as a small-town thing.
Mitchell: Oh, yeah. They serve your rural gays, your closeted gays, your city newbies looking to get their gay sea-legs, kind of like an out-of-town tryout before they hit Broadway.
Quote from En Garde
Cameron: [aside to camera] When Mitchell and Claire were kids-
Mitchell: This is interesting to no one.
Cameron: Excuse- Please let me finish. Thank you. When Mitchell was 10.
Cameron: And Claire was 13, they were competitive ice dancers.
Mitchell: Figure skaters. Oh, for god's sakes, I'll tell the story. Yes, my sister and I were actually a very good team. We were called "Fire and Nice." I was "fire," 'cause of the red hair. And Claire was "nice," because it was ironic and she wasn't.
Quote from Boys' Night
Mitchell: [aside to camera] When I was 12 years old, my father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do... dancing to Madonna's "Lucky Star." And from that moment on, there's always been a part of me that I've kept from him. And yet here he was laughing with my friends. And I don't know maybe the problem was me.
Quote from The Old Wagon
Mitchell: [aside to camera] My great-great-grandfather helped build the Brooklyn Bridge. I heard that until the day he died, every time he passed it he was filled with such pride. He'd say, "There's a little bit of me in that bridge." I know that I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man. And I want to be able to look out into my yard and say "There's a little bit of me in that princess castle."
Quote from Thunk in the Trunk
Mitchell: Cam, stay out of their business, all right? If we drop below three stars, we're gonna be stuck renting to chain smokers and pregnant foreigners trying to have their babies in America. Mark down the time. I just turned into my father.
Quote from Disneyland
Mitchell: Okay, everybody's looking at us. I haven't been judged by this many people since I forgot my canvas bags at whole foods.
Quote from Slow Down Your Neighbors
Cameron: What about Thomas? You wrote him off because he serves a salad after the meal which, by the way, is very common in Europe.
Mitchell: What part of Europe is he from? Pretentioustan?
Cameron: Okay, fine. Keep judging. Don't let anyone in. I could care less.
Mitchell: I think you mean you couldn't care less because if you could care less, it means you care a little bit.
I'm going to the hot tub.
Cameron: If I stay here one more minute, my head is literally gonna explode.
Mitchell: I hope not, because if you mean literally-
Cameron: I don't feel safe in my own home!
Quote from Aunt Mommy
Cameron: It's perfect! It's our chance to have a baby that's part me, part you!
Mitchell: No, no! It's part you and part Claire. I'm nowhere in there. And it's not like I can pretend. It's- She's not some egg donor that we don't know. It's Claire. You know, we see her all the time. And what are we supposed to tell the baby? "Say hi to your Aunt Mommy!"
Mitchell: No, not adorable. Appalachian.
Quote from Double Click
Mitchell: [aside to camera] Pepper's parties are as fun as they are confusing. Okay, stay with me on this one. Gender Blender Broadway Brunch. You dress as a Broadway character of the opposite sex, and there's no solid food. It's a perfect party if you're a show queen with a broken jaw.
Quote from Suddenly, Last Summer
Mitchell: This is not at all how I saw the evening going.
Cameron: Oh. Honey, you have no idea.
Mitchell: Do you remember our first apartment?
Cameron: Yes. What- What made you think of that?
Mitchell: I don't know. The stars. All right. Come on. Let's do this.
[Mitchell and Cameron both get down on one knee to tend to the tire]
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