Frank Dunphy Quotes Page 1 of 3

Quote from Frank's Wedding

Frank: Maybe I do overdo it. I remember your mother was really ticked off at me at your baptism when I kept pretending the holy water was boiling. [Phil laughs] Ouch! Ouch! Okay, we don't have to do anything crazy today. Don't worry about it.
Phil: Thanks, Pops.
Frank: But, wait, you're still gonna do my funeral the way we talked about, right?
Phil: That recording of you banging on that piece of wood screaming, "Let me out of here!"
Frank: [laughs] It's a real shame I'm gonna miss that.

Quote from ClosetCon '13

Luke: Here's what we've got to work with.
Phil: Nicely done. I've got Florida on the line. Dad, I'm flying you in. You're the model expert.
Frank: [over video chat] What are we looking at, son? Holy Moses. More like Apollo 1,300 pieces! In space, I guess no one can hear you be hilarious.

Quote from Travels with Scout

Phil: [answering phone] Honeydew! What's up?
Claire: Guess who's here. Your dad! He drove his R.V. All the way up from Cocoa Beach.
Frank Dunphy: Hey, Son, working hard? He's gonna say "Hardly working."
Phil: I meant to tell you he was driving out.
Frank Dunphy: Did he say it?
Claire: Oh, yeah.
Frank Dunphy: Good kid.

Quote from Travels with Scout

Frank Dunphy: Cameron, so good to see you again. Now that is a shirt.
Cameron: Oh, well, thank you, Frank. I get 'em online. I'll send you a link.
Frank Dunphy: Oh, well, at home, I smoke sausages. I'll send you a link.

Quote from Travels with Scout

Phil: Dad?
Frank Dunphy: Come on in! It's open! Hey! Ah, don't tell me. You need a cup of sugar.
Phil: [chuckles] Nah. Just, uh- I was just wondering, I don't know, uh- Anything on the old noodle?
Frank Dunphy: Other than a bad toupee? I'm kidding, of course. This is my real hair.

Quote from Ringmaster Keifth

Claire: So good to see you! How was the drive?
Frank: Fantastic. My radio broke around Tallahassee. But is there a better entertainment source than the billboards of America? Apparently, syphilis is making a comeback.

Quote from Travels with Scout

Frank Dunphy: Good news, you two. You're getting your driveway back. I'm hitting the open road in the morning.
Claire: Oh, already?
Frank Dunphy: Yeah.
Phil: Anxious to get home and see Mom, huh?
Frank Dunphy: No, I'm just gonna drive wherever the wind blows me, which is usually into the next lane.
Alex: Can we get some sodas, Grandpa?
Frank Dunphy: Okay, but just one. I'm driving.

Quote from Goodnight, Gracie

Claire: How are you holding on, hmm?
Phil: Oh, well, you know, we're getting through it. Huh, dad?
Frank: Ah. I'm doing okay. A little trouble sleeping. I'm so used to her snoring, I may have to borrow the neighbor's bulldog.

Quote from Goodnight, Gracie

Frank: Morning, Charlotte! This is my family from California!
Charlotte: I can tell. They all look like movie stars.
Cameron: Oh, thank you.
Jay: That's nuts. I know that woman, but I have no idea from where.
Frank: Yeah. This place is full of stories like that.

Quote from Travels with Scout

Frank Dunphy: It's nothing.
Phil: Oh, it's nothing? Nothing to do with Mom?
Frank Dunphy: No! Well, yeah. I've fallen in love.
Phil: Oh, my God. Who is she?
Frank Dunphy: He!
Phil: What?
Frank Dunphy: It's that little guy right over there. [to Scout] Come on over here. Come on. Come on. There you go. Ah, look at him. Driving across country, this little bastard nuzzled his way right into my heart, didn't ya?
Phil: So this is just about you not wanting to leave the dog? Well, you should tell Mom.
Frank Dunphy: Those three days on the road with him were the happiest of my life.
Phil: You should leave that part out.

Quote from The Wow Factor

Phil: [aside to camera] I didn't need a torx screwdriver. I've always wanted one, though. But I needed them out of the house, so I could call a guy.
[cut to:]
Phil: Dad, help me.
Frank: [on video chat] Are we gonna do that thing again where you try on different outfits like in "Pretty Woman"?

Quote from Undeck the Halls

Phil: [imitates static on video chat] Come in, Florida. Over. Mom? Dad?
Frank Dunphy: Hello, Philip.
All: Merry Christmas Eve!
Frank Dunphy: Merry Christmas Eve!
Phil: A little- Little lower, Dad.
Frank Dunphy: [deep voice] Merry Christmas Eve!

Quote from Ringmaster Keifth

Phil: So, uh, place looks great.
Frank: Yeah, Lorraine really spruced it up. Curtains, brass safety rails over the privy. That was really a lifesaver. She stopped short on the I-90 once. I came rolling out of there like a Chinese acrobat.

Quote from Travels with Scout

Jay: Didn't expect to find you here.
Frank Dunphy: Well, listen, when my granddaughter's boyfriend's band plays an under-21 club with my daughter-in-law's brother's gay partner, I show up. That's just how I was raised.
Jay: I don't think you met my wife, Gloria.
Gloria: Hola.
Frank Dunphy: Oh, it's a pleasure. You are a lovely woman.
Gloria: You must be Frank.
Frank Dunphy: Okay, then, you are hotter than a Las Vegas sidewalk on the Fourth of July. Did I go too far?
Jay: Not you, Frank. No.

Quote from The Wow Factor

Phil: The gas is on, dad. I can see the spark from the igniter. I don't know what it is.
Frank: [over video chat] That's your thermocouple. You get a little sediment in there or some rust, and you're done for.
Phil: The thermocouple. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks, dad. I-I shouldn't be buggin' you with this stuff.
Frank: Are you kiddin' me? I love to help. Makes me feel like you still need me.
Phil: Of course I need you. You're the best when it comes to this.