Cameron: What about the wedding? What if she says it there? She's like a ticking time bomb!
Mitchell: Well, what are we gonna do, cancel?
Cameron: Yes. Maybe we just call and say, "We're not going to any more weddings until the gays can get married."
Mitchell: Oh, so now we're political? We leave town on gay pride weekend because we don't like the traffic.

Alex: Mom, just be confident.
Claire: Mm-hmm? Based on what? I just lost a debate in my living room, and people think I'm unlikable.
Alex: That's just the word men use for powerful women because they feel threatened. So just forget everything else and be proud and powerful.
Claire: How did you get so smart?
Alex: I've always assumed adoption or baby switch.

Phil: [aside to camera] Busy day at the Dunphy compound. We have a wedding tonight, and this afternoon, Claire is debating Duane Bailey in the race for town council. And now the "weekly saver" says that some voters find Claire, quote, "angry and unlikable." To those voters, I say, "Wait till she sees this."

Mitchell: Maybe we misheard.
Cameron: Yeah. Maybe she said "truck." Or- Or "duck." Or "luck." She could have said "yuck."
Lily: Daddy, can I have some ice cream?
Mitchell: No, honey, if you're hungry, you can have some fruit.
Lily: Fruit? [bleep]
[Cameron runs out of the room laughing]
Lily: [laughs]

Cameron: Not too many at once. That's good.
Mitchell: Okay. You're doing great, Lil.
Cameron: Oh, she is, isn't she?
Mitchell: Forget the bride. All the eyes are gonna be on her.
[Lily drops the basket]
Lily: Oh, [bleep].
[Cameron runs out of the room laughing]

[As Cameron sobs]
Mitchell: Really?
Cameron: Well, you know I cry at weddings.
Mitchell: Oh, no. Stop- Stop crying.
Cameron: Well, just because you have ice water in your veins, doesn't mean that-
Mitchell: No. No, Lily. No. Lily, he's fine. Daddy's fine.
Cameron: Daddy's not sad.
Lily: Daddy, daddy! [bleep]
[all giggling]
Cameron: You see? I told you it was funny.
Lily: [bleep] [bleep]

Luke: Somebody turn her off. I think I'm having a seizure.

Claire: And how am I angry and unlikable?
Haley: Can I take this one?
Phil: I wouldn't.
Haley: You seem angry now.
Claire: I am angry, at that poll.
Luke: I think it's the yelling. I would tone down the yelling.
Claire: Honey, I don't yell for no reason.
Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me "special."
Claire: Honey, that was not a compliment.

Cameron: [aside to camera] It's every little girl's dream to be a flower girl in a wedding.
Mitchell: It's Lily's chance to shine.
Cameron: I was a 3-time ring bearer.
Mitchell: It's Lily's chance to shine.

Jay: Stella! Where's my good girl? Gloria, is Stella up there?
Gloria: No. But I am. Why don't you say "hello" to your wife when you come home?
Jay: Well, why don't you greet me at the door, wagging your tail?