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‘Little Bo Bleep’ Quotes

Modern Family: Little Bo Bleep

313. Little Bo Bleep

Aired January 18, 2012

The family try to help Claire iron out her "flaws" ahead of a debate with Duane Bailey for the town council seat. Mitchell and Cameron are worried about a new addition to Lily's vocabulary on the eve of her being a flower girl. Meanwhile, Jay is alarmed when Stella keeps jumping into the pool.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: What about the wedding? What if she says it there? She's like a ticking time bomb!
Mitchell: Well, what are we gonna do, cancel?
Cameron: Yes. Maybe we just call and say, "We're not going to any more weddings until the gays can get married."
Mitchell: Oh, so now we're political? We leave town on gay pride weekend because we don't like the traffic.

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Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Busy day at the Dunphy compound. We have a wedding tonight, and this afternoon, Claire is debating Duane Bailey in the race for town council. And now the "weekly saver" says that some voters find Claire, quote, "angry and unlikable." To those voters, I say, "Wait till she sees this."

Quote from Alex

Alex: Mom, just be confident.
Claire: Mm-hmm? Based on what? I just lost a debate in my living room, and people think I'm unlikable.
Alex: That's just the word men use for powerful women because they feel threatened. So just forget everything else and be proud and powerful.
Claire: How did you get so smart?
Alex: I've always assumed adoption or baby switch.

Quote from Lily

Cameron: Not too many at once. That's good.
Mitchell: Okay. You're doing great, Lil.
Cameron: Oh, she is, isn't she?
Mitchell: Forget the bride. All the eyes are gonna be on her.
[Lily drops the basket]
Lily: Oh, [bleep].
[Cameron runs out of the room laughing]

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: Maybe we misheard.
Cameron: Yeah. Maybe she said "truck." Or- Or "duck." Or "luck." She could have said "yuck."
Lily: Daddy, can I have some ice cream?
Mitchell: No, honey, if you're hungry, you can have some fruit.
Lily: Fruit? [bleep]
[Cameron runs out of the room laughing]
Lily: [laughs]

Quote from Lily

[As Cameron sobs]
Mitchell: Really?
Cameron: Well, you know I cry at weddings.
Mitchell: Oh, no. Stop- Stop crying.
Cameron: Well, just because you have ice water in your veins, doesn't mean that-
Mitchell: No. No, Lily. No. Lily, he's fine. Daddy's fine.
Cameron: Daddy's not sad.
Lily: Daddy, daddy! [bleep]
[all giggling]
Cameron: You see? I told you it was funny.
Lily: [bleep] [bleep]

Quote from Claire

Claire: And how am I angry and unlikable?
Haley: Can I take this one?
Phil: I wouldn't.
Haley: You seem angry now.
Claire: I am angry, at that poll.
Luke: I think it's the yelling. I would tone down the yelling.
Claire: Honey, I don't yell for no reason.
Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me "special."
Claire: Honey, that was not a compliment.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [aside to camera] It's every little girl's dream to be a flower girl in a wedding.
Mitchell: It's Lily's chance to shine.
Cameron: I was a 3-time ring bearer.
Mitchell: It's Lily's chance to shine.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Stella! Where's my good girl? Gloria, is Stella up there?
Gloria: No. But I am. Why don't you say "hello" to your wife when you come home?
Jay: Well, why don't you greet me at the door, wagging your tail?

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Why are you swimming in your clothes?
Jay: Because I'm self-conscious about my body. Stella fell in the pool.
Manny: It's my fault. I let her out, and then I got caught up in my couponing.
Jay: Any coupons for swim lessons? 'Cause Stella needs some.
Gloria: Seriously? Manny you teach to swim by throwing him in the pool, but the dog gets swimming lessons?
Manny: I gotta say, it was unpleasant but effective.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: We have to teach Stella how to swim. Otherwise, she could drown.
Gloria: Why don't you teach her not to jump in the pool?
Jay: She didn't jump in the pool. She fell in the pool. Why, suddenly, would she jump in the pool when she doesn't know how to swim?
Gloria: Why does she bark at the vacuum? It's a thing. It is never going to play with you.
Jay: Are you saying that Stella is stupid?
Gloria: Are you covering her ears?

Quote from Phil

Claire: Okay. If elected, I would consider all opinions and not ignore those of the opposition, as councilman Bailey has done for six terms. [horn honks] What? That was a great answer.
Haley: Well, I couldn't hear it because you were showing me the bad side of your face.
Claire: I have a bad side?
Haley: Yeah, the left.
Phil: No. It's the right.
Haley: Uh, Dad, it's totally the left. I mean, look at it.
Phil: Sweetheart, why do you think I chose my side of the bed?

Quote from Gloria

Phil: Why'd you bring Stella?
Manny: She keeps getting out and jumping in the pool. We don't wanna take any chances because she can't swim.
Alex: Then why does she keep jumping in the pool?
Jay: I've been thinking about it. I got a theory. She might be suicidal.
Gloria: What? That's crazy. There's not such thing as doggy suicide.

Quote from Jay

Duane: Hi. Duane Bailey. Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. In addition to being a public servant, I'm also an award-winning breeder of puggles. I've won the puggly. Twice. And I'm afraid that doggy suicide is all too real. It's just the mainstream media doesn't report on it, 'cause it's not as sexy as feline A.I.D.S.
Gloria: Stella is not suicidal. She's just stupid.
Duane: Well, that might be part of your problem. She senses you don't like her.
Jay: You have no idea. This one's been against this little angel from the very beginning.
Duane: Yeah, well, dogs pick up on that. You know, they're very sensitive. I like to call them, um, bottomless pits of need. But not to their face, though. That would just destroy them.

Quote from Lily

Lily: I wanna watch aunt Claire!
Mitchell: Okay. Well, first, honey, we need to talk about something. It's about that word you said this morning.
Lily: What word?
Mitchell: You know, the one that starts with "f"?
Lily: "Flower"?
Mitchell: No.
Lily: "Fruit"?
Mitchell: No.
Cameron: If she doesn't remember it, we shouldn't remind her. Oh, well, she said it three times.
Lily: Oh, you mean [bleep]
Mitchell: Cam, leave the room!
Cameron: [stifling laughter] No. I can do this.

Quote from Luke

Claire: No, sir, he was looking for me, his wife, and he walked into the wrong room.
Duane: If you believe that, I have some talking puggles I'd like to sell you.
Haley: Do you believe this?
Luke: Talking dogs? I'm skeptical.

Quote from Jay

Claire: I am glad that my opponent brought this up, as I feel that it speaks to his character more than mine. I think that we should raise the level of discourse and get back to the issues that the voters really care about.
Man: When he was naked, what were you wearing?
Claire: I don't think that's relevant.
Woman: Are you sex freaks?
Claire: My personal life has nothing to do with this. Uh... The... My opponent has brought this up to distract from his own record, which shows that in- in six years, he has achieved nothing more than writing one ordinance that allows private parties to have more than eight dogs. Hmm. Hmm.
Jay: It's like watching the "hindenburg."
Gloria: This is the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life.
Phil: Excuse me!
Jay: Stand by.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I am Phil Dunphy, and I am not a pervert. I, like a lot of men in this town, enjoy making love to my wife. I mean, um... I mean with their wives. Not me, them. Look, I should probably just sit down and say nothing. But it's too late. I am standing, and I'm obviously talking, and now you're looking at me, and I feel the need to keep going. First of all, no charges were filed. Everyone had a good laugh -about the situation, not- not about me. Everything's fine down there. Anywhoo, Where were we?
[aside to camera:]
Claire: All over YouTube. We went viral.
Phil: Some sick bastard auto-tuned me.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [auto-tuned video] I Like a lot of men in this town I enjoy making love to my wife-- wife and I don't know how to stop. I am a pervert. Pervert-- per...

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: The door. Ay! Estella, no! No! Ay! No! No! Estella, don't do it! Don't kill yourself! You are a perfectly fine dog! I don't hate you! Estella, okay, I was a little mean to you, but that's no reason to kill yourself! You are young! You still have so much left to smell!

Quote from Luke

Luke: Somebody turn her off. I think I'm having a seizure.

Quote from Gloria

Cameron: Where have you guys been?
Gloria: I had to jump in the pool to save the stupid dog.
Jay: Who she loves.
Gloria: That I didn't let her down doesn't mean that I love her. I barely got Manny back in the pool after that possum incident.
Manny: I thought it drowned, but turns out it was just playing possum.
Gloria: Yes, papi. [mouthing]


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