TV Quotes

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Paul: Hey, Norm, how's the world been treatin' ya?
Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.

Cliff: Norm, it's a little known fact the word "Florida" comes from the language of the Okefenokee Indians and it means literally, "place where the old people come to sweat".

Diane: Sam, I know you to be a man of pride and principle, but strength is also to be found in the ability to bend. Witness the willow, nature's strongest tree.
Sam: No, I thought the oak was the strongest tree.
Diane: Only in furniture.
Sam: What about the saying "strong as the mighty oak"?
Diane: The oak can be felled by a single harsh wind under the right circumstances.
Sam: All right, but what about birch and mahogany? Now, those--
Diane: Would you shut up about the damn trees?
Sam: You brought them up.

Norm: Well! Hey I tell ya, is that Cliff Clavin or is that Don Ho, huh? Where ya been, buddy, some, uh, faraway island resort?
Cliff: Oh, easy mistake, Norm, but, no, I got this tan right here in Beantown.
Norm: Is that at the new Tan 'N Wash I've been hearing so danged much about?
Cliff: That's right, Normie. And, by the way, did you realize that the tan first gained popularity in what is now known as the Bronze Age?
Norm: Great, great. Well, I'm sold.
Cliff: Oh, and, by the way, look how white I used to be. [pulls down his sock]
Sam: You wore your socks in the tanning booth?
Cliff: Well, l, I gotta be careful, Sammy. The Clavin men have, uh, feet like a baby's bottom.
Carla: With faces to match.

Diane: Well, what I can't fathom is how one can drink cold beer in freezing weather.
Norm: Cliff? Explanation please.
Diane: Now, how do you know he has one?
Norm: Five bucks says he does, ten says it's a doozy.
Cliff: When the British ruled Punjab...
Norm: Ten bucks all the way.
Cliff: ...they drank steaming hot tea on the hottest days of the year to balance out their inside and outside temperatures. See, conversely, drinking an ice-cold drink on a cold day actually results in a more comfortable body temperature.
Diane: All right. Why do you drink ice-cold beer on a hot day?
Norm: Mr. Clavin?
Cliff: What else are you gonna do with it?

Sam: One by one, I seem to be losing my, uh thrills and, uh, tingles, you know? I keep asking myself, "What- What is the point to life?"
Woody: Whoo, that's a tough question.
Sam: Yeah.
Cliff: Eh. Well, I got the answer.
Frasier: Somehow, I knew you would.
Cliff: Comfortable shoes.
Frasier: Shoes?
Cliff: Yeah, if you're not wearing comfortable shoes, life is just chaos. I mean, the greatest accomplishments in history have been made by men wearing accommodating shoes. Uh, Frasier, tell me, who do you think is the greatest thinker in all mankind?
Frasier: I don't know, uh, Aristotle.
Cliff: There you go. Sandals. Perhaps the most comfortable shoe there is. You hardly even know you have them on. I mean, Confucius, thongs. Einstein, loose loafers.
Woody: Wow.