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Uncle Sam Wants You

‘Uncle Sam Wants You’

Season 9, Episode 27 -  Aired May 2, 1991

Sam starts to feel like there's something missing in his life when he spends time with Frasier and Lilith's son, Frederick. Meanwhile, Rebecca goes on a series of job interviews to try get away from Cheers.

Quote from Paul

Paul: I don't care what he names it as long as he doesn't bring it in here. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's babies.
Woody: Oh, come on, Mr. Krapence. Wouldn't you like a helpless little guy all soft and cuddly who you could burp every once in a while?
Paul: [looks at Norm] Yeah, we need another one of those.


Quote from Woody

Frasier: Afternoon, all.
Woody: Hey, Dr. Crane. Dr. Sternin-Crane. And little Frederick Crane-Sternin-Crane-Crane. What can I get you? I know I could use a glass of water.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: It was Sam. Frasier, you've got to do something. Every day he gets here a little earlier, and every night he leaves a little later.
Sam: Well, darling, he, he is a friend of ours.
Lilith: It's getting so we can't make love in the morning.
Frasier: I didn't know we could make love in the morning.
Lilith: We can't. It was just a "for instance." The point is I don't like people seeing me in my nightgown. It undermines my authority.
Frasier: I really wouldn't worry about that.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Say, Frasier. Whew! Weirdest thing just happened to me. I could have sworn I just, uh, just had a conversation with Elvis Presley.
Frasier: Well, Sam, I've had, uh, four or five patients that have had the same experience. I'll simply... simply tell you what I told them. The man is dead.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Hey, Frasier. Hey, Freddie, we're gonna watch the cartoons.
Frasier: That wasn't Sam Malone, was it? Please tell me that was an armed intruder.

Quote from Sam

Carla: Come on, what's wrong?
Sam: Do you think guys have a biological clock? You know, like they know when it's time to have a kid?
Carla: Oh, yeah. Usually when they say, "Hey, Carla, you want to go out tonight?" Come on. What's on your mind?
Sam: Well, I've been thinking. You know, I'm... I'm not that young anymore. It's not that I'm old. It's just that I'm not young. I'm not old-old. I'm just youngish. You know, I'm, I'm a youngish man.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Oh, wait a minute. Here you go. Now, this could work out. What am I doing? What am I gonna say? I have to figure out how to word this. Hold on a second. Excuse me, miss? Uh, can I ask you a question?
Daria: Sure.
Sam: All right, just hypothetically, now, say someone you've been dating, you know, a couple times calls you up to say, uh, "Hey, we had some laughs together. What say we have a baby?" Now, I'm not talking commitment here; don't misunderstand me. You know, maybe yes, maybe no. The picture is: get pregnant, have the baby, give it to me, go away. Uh... You know, just offhand, how would you react to that?
Daria: How would I react if a guy called me up and asked me to be a breeder for him? To be sort of an incubator for his seed?
Sam: Yeah, exactly. W-Wait a second. Let me, uh... Let me get a pencil. I want to write this down. Okay. [she throws a drink in Sam's face] Okay, "incubator." "Breeder." Red-flag words.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, guys, mail's in. All right, let's see Mr. Peterson. Mr. Peterson. Mr. Peterson. Occupant. Mr. Peterson. Mr. Boyd. Oh, hey, that's me. Oh, yeah, I ordered this weeks ago. This is a whole big book of crossword puzzles.
Norm: All right. Well, let's check them out.
Woody: Hey, this is great because it has all the answers in the back so we don't have to worry about all those confusing clues. All right, one across. "Penguin." Penguin?
Norm: Hey, hey, hey, it fits.
Cliff: All right!
Norm: Hey, these are great once you get the hang of them, huh?

Quote from Rebecca

Woody: Oh, hey, Miss Howe. You look nice. What's the occasion?
Rebecca: Well, I just signed up with an executive placement agency, and I have all sorts of interviews lined up this afternoon. I feel really great about it. I'm finally gonna get myself out of this brain-dead mausoleum. Oh, no offense, guys.
Norm: Huh?
Rebecca: Well, I'm off.
Woody: Good luck, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: Thanks, Woody, but I don't need it. I'm wearing my lucky dress. I can't lose. Hi, Sam. I'm off to get a job. Nothing can stop me now.
Sam: In that?
Rebecca: Oh, who am I fooling? They're not going to hire a loser like me.

Quote from Carla

Lilith: We're having quality family time.
Frasier: That's right. I canceled every single one of my appointments today.
Lilith: And I called in sick to the lab. I placed some gauze over the telephone and altered my voice so as to appear ill.
Carla: And the Oscar goes to...

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