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‘Uncle Sam Wants You’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Cheers: Uncle Sam Wants You

927. Uncle Sam Wants You

Aired May 2, 1991

Sam starts to feel like there's something missing in his life when he spends time with Frasier and Lilith's son, Frederick. Meanwhile, Rebecca goes on a series of job interviews to try get away from Cheers.

Quote from Paul

Paul: I don't care what he names it as long as he doesn't bring it in here. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's babies.
Woody: Oh, come on, Mr. Krapence. Wouldn't you like a helpless little guy all soft and cuddly who you could burp every once in a while?
Paul: [looks at Norm] Yeah, we need another one of those.


Quote from Woody

Frasier: Afternoon, all.
Woody: Hey, Dr. Crane. Dr. Sternin-Crane. And little Frederick Crane-Sternin-Crane-Crane. What can I get you? I know I could use a glass of water.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: It was Sam. Frasier, you've got to do something. Every day he gets here a little earlier, and every night he leaves a little later.
Sam: Well, darling, he, he is a friend of ours.
Lilith: It's getting so we can't make love in the morning.
Frasier: I didn't know we could make love in the morning.
Lilith: We can't. It was just a "for instance." The point is I don't like people seeing me in my nightgown. It undermines my authority.
Frasier: I really wouldn't worry about that.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Say, Frasier. Whew! Weirdest thing just happened to me. I could have sworn I just, uh, just had a conversation with Elvis Presley.
Frasier: Well, Sam, I've had, uh, four or five patients that have had the same experience. I'll simply... simply tell you what I told them. The man is dead.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Hey, Frasier. Hey, Freddie, we're gonna watch the cartoons.
Frasier: That wasn't Sam Malone, was it? Please tell me that was an armed intruder.

Quote from Sam

Carla: Come on, what's wrong?
Sam: Do you think guys have a biological clock? You know, like they know when it's time to have a kid?
Carla: Oh, yeah. Usually when they say, "Hey, Carla, you want to go out tonight?" Come on. What's on your mind?
Sam: Well, I've been thinking. You know, I'm... I'm not that young anymore. It's not that I'm old. It's just that I'm not young. I'm not old-old. I'm just youngish. You know, I'm, I'm a youngish man.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Oh, wait a minute. Here you go. Now, this could work out. What am I doing? What am I gonna say? I have to figure out how to word this. Hold on a second. Excuse me, miss? Uh, can I ask you a question?
Daria: Sure.
Sam: All right, just hypothetically, now, say someone you've been dating, you know, a couple times calls you up to say, uh, "Hey, we had some laughs together. What say we have a baby?" Now, I'm not talking commitment here; don't misunderstand me. You know, maybe yes, maybe no. The picture is: get pregnant, have the baby, give it to me, go away. Uh... You know, just offhand, how would you react to that?
Daria: How would I react if a guy called me up and asked me to be a breeder for him? To be sort of an incubator for his seed?
Sam: Yeah, exactly. W-Wait a second. Let me, uh... Let me get a pencil. I want to write this down. Okay. [she throws a drink in Sam's face] Okay, "incubator." "Breeder." Red-flag words.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, guys, mail's in. All right, let's see Mr. Peterson. Mr. Peterson. Mr. Peterson. Occupant. Mr. Peterson. Mr. Boyd. Oh, hey, that's me. Oh, yeah, I ordered this weeks ago. This is a whole big book of crossword puzzles.
Norm: All right. Well, let's check them out.
Woody: Hey, this is great because it has all the answers in the back so we don't have to worry about all those confusing clues. All right, one across. "Penguin." Penguin?
Norm: Hey, hey, hey, it fits.
Cliff: All right!
Norm: Hey, these are great once you get the hang of them, huh?

Quote from Rebecca

Woody: Oh, hey, Miss Howe. You look nice. What's the occasion?
Rebecca: Well, I just signed up with an executive placement agency, and I have all sorts of interviews lined up this afternoon. I feel really great about it. I'm finally gonna get myself out of this brain-dead mausoleum. Oh, no offense, guys.
Norm: Huh?
Rebecca: Well, I'm off.
Woody: Good luck, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: Thanks, Woody, but I don't need it. I'm wearing my lucky dress. I can't lose. Hi, Sam. I'm off to get a job. Nothing can stop me now.
Sam: In that?
Rebecca: Oh, who am I fooling? They're not going to hire a loser like me.

Quote from Carla

Lilith: We're having quality family time.
Frasier: That's right. I canceled every single one of my appointments today.
Lilith: And I called in sick to the lab. I placed some gauze over the telephone and altered my voice so as to appear ill.
Carla: And the Oscar goes to...

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