Cliff: You know, there's a lot of misunderstanding about rats or Rodendus vermicitis, as they're called in Latin. It turns out our long-tailed friend wasn't, after all, responsible for the dreaded bubonic plague as alleged through history. No, sir. It's caused by an animal called the bubon. That's right. And the threat, by the way, is still with us. So if anybody does see a bubon contact your local authorities.
Carla: How about if we just see a boob?

Frasier: Well, I'd love to stick around and see how things turned out for Sam, but it's time Whiskers and I hit the road.
Woody: Oh, Dr. Crane, before you go, can I see him first? I love rats. We used to have a lot of them on the farm back in Hanover. Kept the barn free of cats.
Frasier: Woody, meet Whiskers. Oh, my God, he's gone!
Woody: Wow, that's a neat trick, Dr. Crane. Now do it with a bunny.
Frasier: No! Oh, no, Woody, you've got to help me find him! If Lilith comes back and I haven't got Whiskers, I'm dead meat!
Woody: You know, Dr. Crane, once, back in Hanover, I wanted to catch some rats and I started playing a flute and a bunch of them followed me out of town. And some children, too. Oh, wait, was that a movie? No, no, it happened.

Norm: Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute! Carla's been here the longest. If anyone should take over, it's Carla.
Carla: Oh, no, no, no, not me. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like responsibility.
Norm: What are you talking about? You have eight children.
Carla: Well, I wouldn't if I were responsible.

Lilith: That's not Whiskers.
Frasier: Of course it is.
Lilith: No, it isn't.
Frasier: Yes, it is. Have you gone mad, woman? I'm telling you, I swear to you that this, this rat is Whiskers!
Lilith: My Whiskers was clever and bright-eyed. This rat is sluggish and slow.
Frasier: Well, he missed you. I missed you. I'm sluggish and slow, too.
Lilith: Also, Whiskers responds to the sound of my voice. This specimen shows no sign of recognition whatsoever. Whiskers? Whiskers? See? No response. Where's my rat, Frasier?
Frasier: Lilith, as a scientist and as your husband, I swear to you that this rat is Whiskers. And I must tell you I'm a little hurt by your accusation that I might try to fool you. I look you straight in the eye and I swear to you that this rat here is... He's on my shoulder, isn't he?
Lilith: Come here, Whiskers.
Frasier: Surprise! I got Whiskers a mate! Oh, you lucky rat. Oh! Now he has female companionship. Do I have female companionship?
Lilith: Not for a long, long time.
Frasier: [to the rat] Nice going, mister. Let's see if you're as sluggish in the snake cage.

Lilith: Oh. One other thing.
Frasier: Mmm, yes. Anything, my angel.
Lilith: Would you stop by the lab and pick up a short-haired rat-- l.D. number 17-A?
Frasier: Oh, Whiskers.
Lilith: Yes. I call him that because his whiskers are so pronounced. Get it? Whiskers... Whiskers.
Frasier: Humor is all about making those connections, darling.

Norm: You should be the one getting back in the game.
Sam: Well, I'm not saying I want to, but I sure as hell could, you know. Well, the only reason I got out of the game in the first place is I was drinking and all that, you know, and I'm not doing that anymore. I've still got my arm. Hell, I'm in as good a shape as I was when I was 18.
Norm: Same here. No, really! I tell you, Sammy, I can fit in the same clothes I wore in high school. Matter of fact, uh, if I'm not mistaken, these are them.

Frasier: So, uh, has Sam returned from his tryout yet?
Cliff: Oh, he should be back anytime now.
Rebecca: I'm telling you guys, he's setting himself up to be disappointed. He's going to walk in here feeling like a big loser.
Carla: What makes you think Sam's as big a loser as you are?
Rebecca: Excuse me, Carla, but I did not say that he was as big a loser as I am.

Sam: You know, I keep having this feeling I'm forgetting something.
Rebecca: Well, do you have the night deposit?
Sam: Yeah, right here.
Rebecca: Did you put the extra cash in the safe?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Rebecca: I know.
Sam: What?
Rebecca: You didn't call the beer distributor.
Sam: No, I asked Woody to do that. Ah, all right. I'll, I'll call him in the morning, myself. Oh, oh, wait, wait. I know what it is. I know what it is. [opens door]
Norm: Good night, Sammy. See ya in the morning.

Lilith: All right, you don't have to come. Now, while I'm away, I need you to water the plants, pay the paperboy and take the garbage out on Tuesday nights. I've written it all down for you.
Frasier: Lilith, you don't have to treat me like a child.
Lilith: Of course not, Frasier. Oh. Please remember, don't open the door to strangers.
Frasier: Lilith.
Lilith: Well, Frasier, there is a precedent set. We lost our stereo that day.
Frasier: Well, he looked friendly. He needed to use the phone!
Lilith: It was 3:00 in the morning, darling.
Frasier: People have flats at 3 in the morning.
Lilith: He was wearing a ski mask.
Frasier: I won't open the door to strangers.

Sam: What do you guys think? Seriously.
Cliff: Well, Sammy, uh, we, we'd love for you to do it. I mean well, it'd give us back our lives.
Sam: What do you what do you mean?
Norm: Sammy, it's no secret we've been living vicariously through you for the past several years and lately, frankly, it's gotten kind of boring.
Sam: That bad, huh?
Cliff: I mean, we've actually been thinking about living vicariously through Phil.
Phil: [to a woman] So I get my socks out of the dryer and one of them's missing.