Sam: How much are you going to take before you realize this guy is no good for you?
Rebecca: I don't know, Sam. How much does it take when you're in love with someone? You know, I've heard stories about you and that Diane girl. You put up with her for 5 years. 5 years! What about that?
Sam: Sweetheart, if I could have sent her to prison, don't you think I would have?

Sam: Tell her the worst part.
Norm: Oh, she made us carry this huge, heavy desk.
Sam: No, no. The part... She could go to jail for this.
Norm: Yeah, but, Sammy, that was some heavy desk. What kind of Wood was that made out of?
Cliff: It must have been oak. Yeah, it's one of your heavier grains. Yeah. As any lumberjack will tell you, though, it's not the toughest one to cut through. Doc, what do you think the toughest thing to cut through is?
Frasier: Your unending bull.

Rebecca: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, you guys. Let's not jump to any wild conclusions here. Let's just look at the facts. Now, all we really know is that Robin is using my secret password to break into my corporation's confidential files. And from the date on these, it looks like he's been doing it since... Well, since the day after we first slept together. So all I think we can really conclude from this is that... I am too stupid to live!

Carla: You know, the first guy I ever fell in love with did the same thing. He treated me like a dog. He borrowed my car, he sold it, he gave the money to his other girlfriend, and then he didn't even have the decency to apologize. But I got even with him.
Sam: I'll bet you did. What did you do?
Carla: I married him. You remember Nick, huh?

Woody: Hey, check this out. High-security building, large units, back bay area. They only want 250 a month.
Norm: No way.
Frasier: Just out of curiosity, Woody, what's this place called?
Woody: Acme Self-Storage. It sounds pretty swanky, huh?
Frasier: Woody, I have a feeling you really wouldn't like to live there.
Woody: Why not, Dr. Crane? Is it because you live in the back bay? Is it because you'd be embarrassed to have me as your neighbor? Well, this is a free country. I can live anywhere I want.
Frasier: OK, but no loud parties.

Rebecca: I've got to quit fooling myself here. Robin called from the airplane and left a message on my answering machine and said that he needed to talk to me. We all know what that means. He's gonna break up with me.
Woody: Well, now, I have a question. When he left that message, he was flying on the Concord, right?
Rebecca: Sure, but what does that have to do with it?
Woody: Well, it doesn't make sense. I mean, if Mr. Colcord was flying faster than the speed of sound when he left a breakup message for you, wouldn't he get here before you got the message?
Norm: No. You see, that telephone sound is being carried by radio waves, which are much faster than normal sound waves. All right, let's say you and I both are going to break up with Rebecca, only I just have a megaphone, right? And you're doing it over the radio.
Cliff: How far away is she?
Norm: Like a mile. By the time she gets my message, she's already crying from being dumped by you.
Woody: Hey. That's amazing.
Cliff: Well, you know, you think that's amazing, Wood, according to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, if twin babies wanted to break up with Rebecca, and one's traveling...
Rebecca: Shut up, shut up, shut up! I am in pain here.
Woody: Isn't it dangerous to have a baby on a rocket ship?

Cliff: Well, not only is skin the largest organ in the body, but another interesting little tidbit about skin is that the human body sheds about 3 pounds of it over the course of a year.
Norm: Some of mine just crawled away.
Woody: I don't understand. Where does it go?
Cliff: Into the atmosphere. Dust.
Norm: What?
Cliff: Yeah. Yeah. About 75% of all dust is human skin.
Woody: That is really interesting, Mr. Clavin. [throws the bar towel] Yeesh!
Norm: Cliff, dust is not skin. That's ridiculous.
Cliff: Normie, you think I'm making this stuff up? It was 2 whole chapters in the Big Book of Skin.
Norm: Come on. Frasier, straighten him out, OK? What happens to old, dead skin?
Frasier: Apparently, it sits on bar stools and drinks beer all day.

Cliff: And based on his conic configurations, Halley's conclusions indicate that a human being traveling on his comet could conceivably break up with Rebecca once every 76 years.

Norm: Well, I guess I'd better go call Vera back.
Cliff: What are you talking about? She didn't call.
Norm: Uh, yeah, she did. Yesterday. Something about a flat tire, interstate. What the hell was the number of that call box?

Sam: Time to go. Whoo! Did I miss a poker game in here or something?
Rebecca: I'm such a wreck, Sam. This last 24 hours has been a blurry stream of chocolate and cigarettes, cigarettes and chocolate. I'd kill for a chocolate cigarette right now.