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‘Woody Goes Belly Up’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Woody Goes Belly Up

402. Woody Goes Belly Up

Aired October 3, 1985

Sam and Diane surprise Woody with a visit from his girlfriend back home. Meanwhile, Frasier starts working as a janitor at Cheers.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Sam, you are my inspiration.
Sam: Well, thank you.
Frasier: You, too, were a worthless, drooling drunk.
Sam: Carla, hold it a second.
Frasier: Sam, I'm sorry. See, the point is that you pulled yourself together. I have to rebuild my life, my career, my reputation, my self-esteem. I'm no longer worthy to practice psychiatry, but I'm gonna make myself worthy. I'll start at the lowest, most menial level. Sam, who sweeps the floors here?
Sam: Oh, me and Woody. Mostly Woody. All right, Woody.
Frasier: Well, let me do it for both of you. You can pay me whatever you'd like.
Sam: Oh, gee, Frasier. I don't know.
Frasier: No, Sam, I know you think it's beneath me, but I really need this now.
Sam: No, no, I just don't know where Woody put the broom. Maybe if you try in the back closet there. I mean, it's okay with me, but you sure you want Diane to see this?
Frasier: Yes. Let her confront her guilt for what she's wrought by her refusal to work out our relationship. And if I have a scintilla of psychological acumen left, when she sees my humiliation, she'll eat her liver.

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Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Hi, sailor. New in town?

Quote from Cliff

Beth: Gosh, I can't believe how big this city is.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, quite a place. You know, Boston is the hub of Boston proper, which comprises some-- Ooh, there's probably, what, two and three-quarter million people spread out in 83 cities and towns.
Al: Get out of here.
Cliff: You question my figures?
Al: No, I want you to get out of here.

Quote from Frasier

Diane: Frasier, for God's sake, hasn't this gone on long enough? If you're trying to make me feel guilty, you succeeded.
Frasier: Don't flatter yourself, Your Highness. I'm working here because I enjoy it. The Crane family is no stranger to hard work. I'll have you know that when my ancestors first came to this country, they had nothing but strong backs, a dream of freedom and a small personal fortune. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a life to live. Sam, where do you keep the Jonny Mop?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Now listen to me, Woody. As healthy but moral human beings, you and Beth sublimated your lust into the sensual pleasure of eating. As your fondness grew, so did your appetites. Well, in short, food became your substitute for sex.
Norm: Vera became mine.
Woody: You really think that's what it is, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Oh, yes, it's quite common. Well, for example, when Diane left Sam, and he started drinking again, he was filling the void that Diane left. And Diane filled her emptiness by toying with and destroying a man who's her cultural and intellectual superior in every way! You see the point I'm trying to make, Woody.
Woody: I don't wanna talk about it.
Frasier: I rest my case.
Carla: Go rest your mouth.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Woody, that's kind of like topping off a steak dinner with pork chops.
Woody: Great idea.
Norm: Well, it's not original. It's the Hungry Heifer Carnivore Platter.

Quote from Woody

Diane: He's right, Woody. Friends with whom we share a common vice sometimes reinforce our behavior. I'm sure that's what's happening in your case. [takes food away from Woody]
Frasier: Thank you, amateur psychologists for your simple-minded diagnostic attempts. Now, Woody, tell me, do you come from a strict moral upbringing?
Woody: What do you mean by that?
Frasier: Well, do you and Beth feel that premarital relations are wrong?
Woody: Well, I don't wanna talk about it. Beth and I feel there's some things you just don't talk about.
Frasier: Like what?
Woody: I don't know. We never talk about it.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Come on. Come on, Norm. You can do better than that.
Norm: What?
Cliff: That ashtray's better than that. Come on, man.
Norm: Ashtray, huh? It's a little shoddy, but... You know, with a nice pack of cigarettes or something, a nice snappy new pack of matches, I think we got something here.
Cliff: Hey, hey, hey, Norm! Does Vera even smoke?
Norm: Oh, yeah, she's been known to smoke. Occasionally after sex. Usually during.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey. You mean to tell me you've never slept with Beth? [Woody looks away] Well, it's simple, then. You sleep with her, you stop eating. What a great reason too. I mean, as if you needed one.
Woody: Sam, I can't do that. I can't ask a nice girl like Beth to sleep with me out of wedlock.
Sam: The younger generation. I just don't know what to say to them.

Quote from Woody

Beth: Eating took the place of what?
Woody: Well, you know, that subject that you don't like to talk about.
Beth: What subject don't I like to talk about?
Woody: You know, that subject that you never talk about.
Beth: The reason we never talk about that is because you don't wanna talk about it.
Woody: I don't mind talking about it. In fact, I think about it all the time.
Beth: Well, I don't mind talking about it either. In fact, I think about it too.
Woody: [stands up in excitement] You think about it too? [sits back down] Then maybe we should talk about it.
Beth: Yeah, I think we should talk about it.
Woody: You don't suppose there's a chance we're not talking about the same thing.
Both: No.
Beth: Well, I think we've talked about it enough.
Woody: Me too. [to Sam and Diane] Well, I think we're gonna be shoving off.
Diane: Where are you going?
Woody: Uh... We don't wanna talk about it.
Diane: I think I understand.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Oh, no.
Woody: What's wrong, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: It's my anniversary, I have nothing for Vera, and all the stores are closed.
Carla: Uh-oh. Normie's in big trouble now.
Woody: Will Mrs. Peterson give you the cold shoulder?
Norm: It's not the cold shoulder I mind. It's the hard knee.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, not the best I've had, but it'll serve. A refill, Sam.
Sam: Frasier, I'm not sure how to get into this, but your bar bill's up to $500.
Frasier: My God. Really? I'm shocked. Well, I promised myself that if I reached $500, I'd quit. So that does it. I'll raise my limit to $1,000.
Sam: I hope you understand it's just business, but $500's a little out of my comfort zone there.
Frasier: Oh, I understand, Sam. Seems nobody wants to pay a man for sitting around and drinking all day.
Norm: Yeah, it's a world gone mad, huh, Fras?

Quote from Carla

Frasier: Sam, I've come to a very important decision. I've just taken stock of myself.
Carla: It's not exactly AT&T, is it?
Frasier: I'm gonna pick up the pieces of my shattered life. But in order to do that, you gotta hit rock bottom first.
Carla: For you, that's three flights up.
Sam: Carla, you wanna see if anyone in the back has open wounds to salt?
Carla: Spoilsport.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, I know how the lad feels. I mean, in the mating ritual, I like to be the aggressor. Of course, I don't mind a woman giving me a clear signal that I caught her eye.
Carla: You mean like sticking a finger down her throat?
Diane: Woody hasn't had a date since he came to work here.
Cliff: Well, look, later on tonight, I'm gonna go cruising for chicks, a popular pastime among virile studs of today. I'll take Woody along. There's not a man yet that's come back from a Clavin love safari without some trophy to hang on his game-room wall.
Norm: Especially the horns, you know.

Quote from Woody

Diane: Woody, would you mind if I stuck my big fat nose in your affairs?
Woody: Stick your big fat nose wherever you like, Miss Chambers.
Diane: There's no need to hide your feelings. You're afraid of ladies rejecting you, aren't you?
Woody: No, it's not so much that. It's just that... Well, I got this problem.
Diane: What problem? We at Cheers always share our problems.
Norm: Yeah, besides, we kind of ran out of things to talk about, so we'd appreciate it.
Woody: All right. There's this girl back home named Beth Curtis, and she is the most wonderful girl in the world. We dated ever since we were kids, but last year we split up. You know, I wanted to travel around and see the world. She wanted to stay in Indiana. At first I thought it would be okay... but now I just can't seem to get her out of my mind. Everything I do, everywhere I go, everything I see reminds me of her. [picks up a lime] Beth.

Quote from Frasier

Cliff: What's Diane doing down at the airport?
Sam: Well, we all got together and thought it'd be kind of fun to get Woody's girlfriend out here and surprise him. She's still picking her up.
Cliff: What do you mean, "we all got together"? I didn't all get together. Did you, Norm?
Norm: Yeah. Yeah, it was a good meeting, actually. Had some hors d'oeuvres. It kind of turned into a little party, you know.
Cliff: Well, you might have invited me.
Carla: Oh, we might have, but we wanted to enjoy ourselves.
Norm: Hey, Fras, how's the job going, bud?
Frasier: Oh, great.
Cliff: Yeah, I hear you're really cleaning up in your new business.
Frasier: At least I was invited to the party. Great rumaki, Sam.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Beth? You shrunk.
Beth: I shrunk? Look at you.
Woody: Wow, my hands can touch. This is a dream come true. What are you doing here?
Beth: Well, your friends brought me out.
Woody: They did? Thanks, guys. You've been so good to me. In fact, next to the Twilley brothers back home, you're the closest friends I have.
Beth: Woody, after you left, both Twilley brothers made improper advances to me.
Woody: Hey, that makes you my closest friends.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Do you find that strange? The first thing they wanted to do was eat?
Sam: Yeah, yeah, Woody just got back from lunch too.
Cliff: Yeah, I'll say it's strange. If I hadn't seen a girl of mine in that long, I know what the first thing on her mind would be.
Carla: "How did he find me in Tibet?"

Quote from Carla

Frasier: Sam, I finally did it. It took three days, but I removed every trace of Carla's number from the men's room.
Carla: Would you mind your own business?

Quote from Diane

Diane: Woody, it's none of my business, but aren't you and Beth worried that you might put back on some of the weight you worked so hard to take off?
Woody: No, we're very careful. We always stop eating before we get lightheaded. [Diane takes the ice cream cone away from Woody] Oh, who am I kidding? It's happening all over again. I swore after I took that 100 pounds off that I'd never tub out again and now I'm gonna have to send home for my fat clothes. I don't know what comes over us when we get together.
Sam: You know, Woody, I just thought of something. Now I have some old drinking buddies that I can't even be around without wanting a drink. Automatic thing. I think that maybe Beth is... Well, she's like your old eating buddy.
Diane: Very good, Sam.
Sam: Well, thank you.
Diane: And just when we were about to hang a "for rent" sign on Sam's forehead.

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