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Cheers: Slumber Party Massacred

622. Slumber Party Massacred

Aired March 24, 1988

When Carla doesn't take the news that she's going to be a grandmother well, Rebecca tries to cheers her up with a slumber party.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Sam, can I have three martinis please? Make mine a double.
Cliff: How's married life treating ya? Quite a change, huh?
Frasier: Well, you know, Lilith and I did live together for a year before we wed. So other than the fact that I now see it stretching endlessly before me, until I lie rotting in the grave, there's no real difference.

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Quote from Carla

Sam: Hey, so they're gonna have a baby. They'll, they'll find their way through it.
Carla: You don't understand. My life is over. I'm going to be a grandmother. I mean, I might as well wrap myself up in a black babushka, get fat and grow hairs out of my moles.
Sam: Oh, come on. [laughs] You're exaggerating.
Carla: Do I have to get out the family album?

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, God, this is terrible. Look at my life. I never had a childhood. I married Nick when I was 15. Never got to go to the prom or homecoming, to a slumber party, to Fort Lauderdale on Spring Break. Or on one lousy date with Fabian. Now I don't even get a middle age. Go straight from grade school to Granny.
Eddie LeBec: I don't know what to say, Carla.
Carla: Just don't say anything, okay? There's nothing anybody can say that's gonna change anything, so just don't say anything.
Sam: Yeah, but, Carla-
Carla: Sam, I said don't say anything. Weren't you listening to me?
Sam: Yes, Carla-
Carla: I said don't say anything! Nobody listens to me.
Eddie LeBec: I listen to-
Carla: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just stay away and leave me alone! I'm going to my room, wait for the angel of death.

Quote from Lilith

Rebecca: What else did she say? What else?
Sam: Uh, let me think, let me think. All right, something about a sleep over. No, no, I know. Slumber party. Yeah, slumber party.
Rebecca: A slumber party?
Sam: Right.
Rebecca: Well, that's it. Why don't we just throw the woman a slumber party, and that'll cheer her up.
Lilith: Now, recreating a ritual of youth is often just the thing to get someone out of depression centered on a fear of aging. I find it also helps to listen to heavy doses of Credence Clearwater Revival.

Quote from Woody

Sam: We don't even have a manual. How are you gonna hook that thing up?
Woody: Easy, Sam. They included a special videotape showing exactly how to hook everything up. So all we have to do is hook everything up, watch the tape, and then we'll know exactly what to do.
Norm: [to the guys] Okay, how long before Woody spots the flaw in his reasoning? I say, uh, eight minutes.
Pete: Give me three.
Cliff: Okay, I say five.
Frasier: I say two.
Sam: Yeah, I'm in, I'm in. [phone rings] Wait a minute, wait a minute. There you go. I'm in for ten.

Quote from Frasier

Dorothy: Now, Lilith, if you, your family, and generations of your ancestors had lived with the boot of oppression on your throat, would cutting out a man's heart seem that extreme?
Cliff: So who's the party girl?
Frasier: Dorothy Greenberg. She's an old childhood chum of Lilith's from New York. She's been visiting for a week. She's a professional student. She's writing her dissertation on the Comuneros' uprising in Paraguay during the 1700s. She can't talk about anything else. Believe me, when you've heard one Bruno de Zavala joke, you've heard them all.

Quote from Norm

Sam: [answers phone] Cheers. Oh, yeah, hi, Vera. Uh, let me see if he's here yet. [Norm nods] Oh, yeah, he just walked in. Yeah, here he is right now. All right, bye. Yeah, yeah, it's for you.
Norm: Hi, honey. Yeah. l, I have no idea. I mean, uh did you try that broom closet? Well, how about the pantry? Well, that would be a good place to look, okay? All right. Okay, let me know, thanks. [hands the phone back to Sam] Oh, here.
Woody: Well, what's Mrs. Peterson doing?
Norm: I don't know, she's looking for the fire extinguisher.
Sam: Was there a fire in your house?
Norm: I have no idea. Should I have asked? [Sam passes Norm the phone again]

Quote from Carla

Carla: Would you come to dinner at my house tonight?
Sam: Hey, I thought we were friends.
Carla: Well, it's just that Eddie wants us to practice our social skills so he can invite his boss over to dinner.
Sam: Can't you ask somebody else? Please? Come on. I'm sure any one of the guys would love to go. Guys, am I...
[When Sam turns around, Norm, Woody, Cliff and Frasier have all ducked below the bar]
Carla: So, uh I'll expect you at 7:00?
Sam: Yeah, all right. All right. Where'd you guys go?
Norm: Go? Huh?
Cliff: We were right here all the time, Sammy.
Norm: By the way, uh, thanks for hogging that invitation to Carla's house all for yourself. [Norm & Cliff chuckle]
Carla: [pops up from behind the bar] There's room for one more.

Quote from Carla

Sam: You know, Carla, it's, uh, nice to see you surrounded by such a loving family.
Carla: Oh, it's eerie, Sam.
Sam: Mmm.
Carla: I got a husband who does windows. And all the kids are out of jail. For the first time in my life, when morning comes around, I want to open up my eyes instead of my wrists.
Eddie LeBec: That's beautiful, honey.

Quote from Frasier

Dorothy: Oh, here's one of my favorite paintings of the Comuneros. It depicts the peasant army struggling to push this cannon to the top of the hill. Later, they found out they were on the wrong hill and had fired on their own village. These people had no luck.
Lilith: That's fascinating, Dorothy. Isn't that fascinating, Frasier?
Frasier: Oh, yes, yes. You know, these stories make me long to visit Paraguay... right now.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: Well, she was complaining that she'd missed out on all that teenage stuff, you know? Homecoming, proms, may... What- What if we do something to take her back to her teen years?
Rebecca: Like get her pregnant?
Cliff: No. That's been done to death.

Quote from Lilith

Rebecca: Just one question. What- What do you do at a slumber party?
Dorothy: Well, the phrase "slumber party" would imply that one sleeps, but somehow I sense that's meant to be ironic.
Rebecca: Terrific. We're really on a roll here.
Lilith: I have a patient of that age. I suppose I could do some research and help you put something together.
Rebecca: Thank you, Lilith. I would really appreciate that.
Lilith: Certainly.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: Say, Rebecca, if you're in need of some extra guests, I know a couple of fun-loving gals who could really use a night on the town away from boring old me. And, uh, Lilith, you've always told me that you found Carla an interesting, uh psychological case study.
Lilith: Won't you be lonely?
Frasier: Well, it'll give me a chance to be alone with Dorothy's books and a roaring fire.
Dorothy: Well, what do you say, Lilith?
Lilith: [sings] Big wheel keep on turning Proud Mary keep on burning Rolling
Dorothy: Rolling
Lilith: Rolling
Dorothy: Rolling
Both: Rolling on the river
Frasier: You know, you don't often get to see them loosen up like this.

Quote from Carla

Eddie LeBec: Hey, Carla, could you come out here for a second?
Carla: [o.s.] No!
Eddie LeBec: I'd like to discuss something about your, uh, grave site.
Carla: [o.s.] Be right there.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Why'd you let them in?
Eddie LeBec: Because for the last four days you've been sitting around moping and whining and scaring the kids. I mean, for God's sake, you haven't yelled at them once. Don't you think children notice those things?
Carla: You're right, I'm not a fit mother. I'll leave immediately.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Well, Lilith, you have the list. Where do we start? All right, let's see. All right, so on the list we have to do, uh, each other's hair. Then we talk about boys. Ooh, tell scary stories. Have a pillow fight, and then for the grand finale, assorted madcap pranks.
Dorothy: What kind of pranks?
Lilith: According to my patient, when the first person falls asleep, the others take her underwear, dip it in water and then put it in the icebox for an hour to freeze it solid.
Carla: Or they could let you wear it for ten minutes.

Quote from Rebecca

Lilith: Want another s'more?
Rebecca: Not sweet enough for me. I think I'll just have a bowl of syrup.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: I know, I know you don't want to see me. But I'll bet you want to see the Four Swell Guys. We're going to be bringing you memories of your swinging teenage years. [deepens voice] Do you remember this, Carla?
Guys: [sing] Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Cliff: [sings falsetto] As I walked through this world
Guys: Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Cliff: Nothing can stop
Carla: Shut up!

Quote from Carla

Carla: Why do you all keep coming over here?
Rebecca: We're trying to cheer you up.
Carla: Well, stop it! You can't cheer me up. Why do people think they always have to rush over a- and talk somebody out of it when they're feeling lousy? [sighs] Look, this grandmother thing is just something I have to work through, and I will in time. There's nothing any of you guys could do. Unless you can make me 15 again. Can any of you make me 15 again? Well, can you? Look, if you really cared about me, you would just get out of my house and do what I asked you to a long time ago. Just... Just leave me alone.
Sam: You mean you really want to be left alone? [off Rebecca's look] Let's go, guys. Come on.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: [rings bell] Attention, everyone, attention! I'm getting rid of that television. [guys groan] And I am replacing it this weekend with a new 27-inch screen TV with a direct hookup to the Cable Sports Channel. Thank you. [guys applaud and cheer] Kind of a jerky thing to do, but I liked it.

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