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‘The Norm Who Came to Dinner’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The Norm Who Came to Dinner

1004. The Norm Who Came to Dinner

Aired October 10, 1991

When Norm is injured while painting Frasier and Lilith's living room, he stays on their couch while he recovers.

Quote from Woody

Lilith: [enters] Norm!
Woody: Oh, no, Dr. Sternin-Crane, you're supposed to yell "Norm" when he comes in the door. Don't worry. It took me a little while to get used to it, too.

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Quote from Lilith

Lilith: You know, Norm, you may find this surprising, but I'm somewhat off-putting to most people. No, no, it's, it's true. I don't have many friends. I've never been very good at making friends.
Norm: I think it's easy, Lilith. Um, you just have to relax a bit, you know? Just sort of loosen up.
Lilith: You mean just be myself?
Norm: No. Uh, you weren't listening. Just relax. Loosen up.
Lilith: Okay, I'll try it. [sighs] Oh, wow, this feels much better.
Norm: See?
Lilith: I've been looking at this all wrong. I'm going to go back to my house, and I'm going to be the life of that party. And it won't be that disorganized, carousing fun they've been having. It's going to be good, clean, organized fun. We'll play Pictionary, then Boticelli, then it's Charades till dawn. I'll rush home and type up a party schedule. I'll make copies. Oh, I wonder if they have a copy center open at this hour. I know. Why not make a game out of trying to find one? [exits]
Norm: [on the phone] Frasier, it's Norm. Get out of the house while you still can.

Quote from Lilith

Norm: Can you just drop me off at home, Frasier?
Lilith: Okay, Norm, just be careful.
Frasier: No, no, we we can't take him home. Vera's out of town. Can you imagine Norm just sitting there all alone in his house, helpless in front of the TV?
Lilith: Hang onto your hat, but yes.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Norm, are you busy?
Norm: Oh, good one. [chuckles]
Frasier: Thanks, I thought of it last night in the shower. [laughs]

Quote from Norm

Frasier: Norm, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. All I can say is I am so, so sorry. What else can I say?
Norm: I know something you can stop saying.
Lilith: Here you are, Norm.
Norm: Oh, thank you.
Frasier: Now, Norm, Norm, here, don't lift up your neck like that. Remember what Dr. Feld said. You've got a bruised disk and you don't want to aggravate it by moving in any way.
Norm: Well, at least it won't affect my lifestyle much.

Quote from Sam

Sam: [answers phone] Cheers. Hey, guys, it's Norm.
All: Norm!
Sam: Hey, what's shaking, man? [laughs] Where's he come up with these things? That's great.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Lilith, um, could you put a head on this, please?
Lilith: Norm, for two days now, I've been seeing to your every need. I think it's time we had a little talk.
Norm: Oh, great, could I go first? 'Cause there's something I've been really wanting to say. [takes deep breath] Lilith, you and I are very different people. I mean, look at you. You're successful, ambitious, you've got a a great career, lovely family. Me, I'm just a guy who sits on a barstool and hangs out all day with his dorky friends. I don't know, I guess I've always sort of felt sorry for you. The point I'm tryin' to make here, Lilith, is that even though I don't understand half the stuff you guys talk about, quantum physics and stuff...
Lilith: Oh. Oh, quantum, that, that's easy. Once you accept the duality of light as both a particle and a wave...
Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Who, who cares, really? The point is, Lilith, that I realize that you've been trying to help me. And I appreciate that. And in the future, l, for one, will not be so quick to just blow you off.
Lilith: Sadly, Norm, that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. Thank you for that gift. [doorbell rings]
Norm: Oh, uh, could you get that? That's probably the pizza that I ordered. I had to put it on your MasterCard. Uh, thank you for that gift.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Well, well, Norm and Cliff in my home. Usually at this point I wake up drenched in sweat.
Cliff: Oh, now there's an image, huh?

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Get rid of them, now!
Frasier: And if I don't?
Lilith: Would you like to ever see me naked again in the '90s?
Frasier: You know, that would be more effective if you didn't use it every time you ever want me to do something.

Quote from Woody

Lilith: Norm, perhaps you'll understand an analogy. Have you ever had a dog and the dog had fleas? But then when the dog left, your house was still infested?
Woody: Oh, yeah, that happened to me. Only it wasn't a dog. It was a pig. And we had fleas the size of golf balls.
Lilith: Woody, I'm not interested. I'm trying to have a conversation with Norm.
Norm: Whoa, golf balls, huh?
Woody: It got so bad we had to bomb the whole house.
Norm: Wow. Those flea bombs are great, huh?
Woody: What's a flea bomb?

Quote from Norm

Lilith: Stop it! Just stop it! I came by to tell you that your behavior has been unconscionably rude. You let your friends overrun my home, and then when you leave, you don't even have the decency to take them with you. That's all I have to say. Good night.
Norm: Wait, wait, Lilith, Lilith, wait a minute. Now, look, you're absolutely right, and I'm sorry. [sighs] Well, you're up already. You know, why don't you just relax and have a drink? Well, come on. You- You took care of me for two days. The least I can do is buy you a drink. Come on, come on. Look, you can sit on my stool. Huh? Yeah. Woods, scotch.
Lilith: I may as well. My house is filled with people who hate me. They're all angry at me because I spoiled the big party. I'm the wet blanket. I'm the drudge. I'm the big party pooper. Stop me when you disagree.
Norm: I will.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Frasier and I were wondering if you would paint our living room today.
Norm: Today? What's the rush?
Frasier: Well, yesterday, little Frederick was playing fireman...
Norm: Mmm-hmm.
Frasier: ...with the mustard and ketchup squeeze bottles and, uh, he put out our living room wall. He is a dickens.
Lilith: I found it difficult to keep a straight face.

Quote from Norm

Frasier: Oh, say, you know, Norm, the the guy on This Old House says that you should apply paint with, uh, vertical strokes.
Norm: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier: Well, it's a show on PBS.
Norm: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: Frasier. Frasier. Doctor, are you listening to me?
Frasier: [wakes up] Yes, yes. Now please continue. I hate it when you do that. Say, what time is it?
Lilith: It's 1:00 in the morning, and your friends are still downstairs.
Frasier: Oh, just try to ignore it, Lilith. It's only for a couple more days.
Lilith: I will not ignore it! Now go down there and get rid of them.
Frasier: I can't, dear. I'm the one that hurt Norm. I feel responsible.
Lilith: But you're not responsible for the others.
Frasier: Yeah, but, you don't understand, dear. You get one, you get them all. It's like a hive mentality. Norm must be their queen.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Hey, Doc. What's with the getup?
Frasier: As of this day, I am changing my ways. You know, not too long ago, I used to be a healthy, robust individual. Then I set foot in this bar. Started sitting around for hours when I should have been jogging. Started to gorge myself on snacks and sweets instead of health food. Well, now that I'm back on the road to better health, I'm taking you with me.
Norm: What, uh... What do you mean, Doc?
Frasier: Well, I've signed us up for a physical fitness program.
Cliff: Geez, I don't know, Doc. Sounds like an awful, awful lot of work.
Frasier: Yeah, I already took into account your legendary sloth, and to make it easier for you, I've hired a trainer to come here in person to help you exercise.
Norm: We tried that once.
Frasier: What, you had a trained athlete who came here and and helped you work out?
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: Well, what happened?
Norm: Uh, hey, I don't know, ask him. Uh, Paul?
Paul: Any you guys read Andy Capp today? [laughs] [coughs]

Quote from Norm

Sam: Okay, guys, hurry up and get your lunch orders in. Dip 'n Fry closes in 20 minutes.
Norm: Yeah, if we don't hurry, they'll change the grease.
Cliff: So, I... I can't seem to make up my mind here.
Norm: Cliffie, every day you stare at that damn menu, and every day you order the wing dings.
Cliff: Well, maybe I would like something different today, Norm.
Norm: Yeah, okay. Sammy, I'm gonna have the, uh, baked potato, please, with, uh, sour cream and butter, and, um, put some cheddar on there, please. Oh, and, uh, some jack cheese.
Sam: Bacon bits?
Norm: No, no, I'm watching my cholesterol.
Sam: Cliffie?
Cliff: I'll have the, uh... wing dings.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Oh Isn't that precious? I can hardly wait till Sam and I have our baby. Carla, do you think I'm gonna make a good mother?
Carla: Nope.
Rebecca: What do you mean?
Carla: You asked me a question, I gave you an answer.
Rebecca: Yeah, but I'm serious.
Carla: Well, I'm sorry, I'm just being honest.
Rebecca: No, you're not being honest. You're being mean.
Carla: Sometimes you get a two-fer.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: So you are saying that you don't think that I can take care of a baby?
Carla: You kidding? I don't think you could take care of an egg.
Rebecca: Oh, come on.
Carla: No, really, really. I'll bet you five bucks you can't take care of this egg until Friday night at closing time.
Rebecca: Five bucks?
Carla: Yeah.
Rebecca: You're on. Thanks. [egg splatters] Okay, I was practicing. Now, start!

Quote from Norm

Norm: Well, I'm really kind of taking this week off.
Frasier: From what?
Norm: From Vera. She's visiting her mother.
Frasier: Ooh, nothing serious, I hope.
Norm: No, no, no, no, they're just changing that tire that hangs from her ceiling. [laughs] I can take care of you guys. I can use the work. Let's go check it out. Tell you what, I... l think I can swing the whole thing today for, uh what do you say, $400?
Lilith: Uh, that's a little pricey, isn't it?
Norm: Uh, right, well, say $200 and, uh, you supply the food and the beer?
Frasier: $400, it is.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Say, Norm, what kind of roller is that?
Norm: I don't know, Fras.
Frasier: They have, uh, different kinds of rollers?
Norm: Uh... yeah, probably do.
Frasier: Suppose, uh, some of them are better than the others?
Norm: Uh, yeah, yeah, I suppose. This one's okay, though, Fras, trust me.
Frasier: Oh, oh, yeah, no. I was just wondering about rollers.
Norm: Don't you have anything to do, you know, like work or anything?
Frasier: No, no, don't have to work today. And, Lilith doesn't let me watch TV during the daytime, so... Say, is can I help you with anything? I mean, stir the paint, maybe?
Norm: No, uh, they, uh they shook it up over at the, uh, paint store.
Frasier: Yeah, right, those, uh, those machines that, yeah, shake the paint, yeah.
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: Say, you know, that's... I wonder who invented that. That's... There's a guy that really made a worthwhile contribution, you know? I mean, if he was a guy. I mean, he could have been a woman, I guess. Isn't that interesting? Oh, why would I assume just right off that that would be a man?
Norm: Frasier, I'm starting to miss Cliff.

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