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‘Christmas Cheers’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Christmas Cheers

612. Christmas Cheers

Aired December 17, 1987

Rebecca asks everyone to work on Christmas Eve. Meanwhile, Cliff tries to win a trip to Orlando, and Frasier has trouble getting into the holiday spirit.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Oh, joy. Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee deep in tinsel and wrapping paper, will utter those heartfelt words, "ls this all I got?"

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Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Boy, they make such a fuss about Mother Teresa...
Cliff: Excuse me there, Doctor, but, uh, do l, uh, detect a wry note of cynicism there in your comments?
Frasier: Cynical? Me? How could I possibly be cynical? Living in a nation in which we celebrate the holy birth of a babe in a manger with Perry Como in Hawaii.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: But I did have plenty of time to make out next week's schedule.
Sam: Whoa, whoa, wait a second here. You got us working on Christmas Eve. That's a holiday.
Rebecca: No, Christmas is a holiday.
Sam: Well, it's a holiday eve.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Santa, what can I get you?
Norm: Finally, someone wants to get me something. I am so happy this holiday season is over with. The whining, the crying, the screaming, the temper tantrums... Okay, I wasn't your traditional Santa Claus.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Doesn't that just epitomize the spirit of Christmas in the '80s? A gaggle of pie-eyed Santa Clauses all trying to find a designated driver to take the sleigh ride home.

Quote from Norm

Carla: Oh, no! Not It's a Wonderful Life again.
Norm: Mm-hmm.
Carla: How many times a day are they gonna show this golden moldy?
Woody: Six. From now until New Year's on Channel 13, it's a wonderful month.
Sam: This flick is so sweet, it makes my teeth ache.
Norm: Uh-oh. Stupid alert. I can guarantee you from my days in accounting that if you run short at the bank, everyone in town does not dash over, cash in hand, to bail you out.
Carla: Oh. Oh, here comes the gooshiest part.
Cliff: Oh. Oh, have they no shame? Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
[Auld Lang Syne is sung on It's a Wonderful Life]
Carla: [voice breaking] Can I have a Kleenex, Sam? Must have got something in my eye. [sniffling]
Cliff: Yeah, me, too.
Norm: Must be something in the air.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, good afternoon, all you warmhearted and generous people.
Norm: Cliffy. What's with the box?
Cliff: Well, the, uh, postal carriers are having a food drive, and if you, uh, good Samaritans fill this box with canned goods, I'll, uh, win a free trip to Disney World. Yeah. Imagine that. Pirates of the Caribbean, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and me.
Norm: So, who are the cans for?
Cliff: Uh, I don't know. Poor, needy, somebody like that.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: I'm gonna pay you all time and a half.
Sam: No. Hey. No, forget it. We cannot be bought.
Carla: I can.
Sam: Sweetheart, don't you want to be home with your family?
Carla: Would you?
Sam: Good point, good point.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Buon Natale. Feliz Navidad. Joyeux Noel. Merry Christmas and shalom.
Carla: Ditto. Now go home. And take ten of these deadbeats with you.
Frasier: Oh, would that I could, Carla, but Lady Bountiful here insists on doling out these obligatory gifts so that people will pretend they like us in the New Year.
Lilith: My little Scrooge. If he doesn't cheer up, Santa's going to give him a lump of coal and make him sleep on the couch. Merry, merry. Happy, happy.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: He did it again, damn it! The third year in a row, Walt Twitchell has cheated me out of my rightful place in the Magic Kingdom. And he did it by one lousy dented can of Spam.
Carla: You know, Clavin, I know you're dying to go to a place where no one looks twice at funny costumes and big floppy ears, but I think you missed the point here. A lot of food got to needy people. Isn't that what it's all about?
Cliff: Well I guess you're right, Carla.
Woody: Oh, Mr. Clavin, I'm glad you're here. I got something for you.
Cliff: Ah, thanks, Woody, but, uh... Wait a minute. Chow mein and leechy nuts? Woodrow, think very carefully.
Were these in the bar before 4:00 p.m. today?
Woody: Yeah, they were here. I just forgot to put 'em in the box.
Cliff: Oh, that makes one more can than Twitchell. I win. [laughs] Deck the halls with suntan lotion. Disney World, here I come! [laughs]
Frasier: Well, I guess it's true what they say. Charity begins in Orlando.

Quote from Sam

Carla: Hey, boss lady, what you all duded up for?
Rebecca: You mean, why am I not wearing a sweatshirt and plastic earrings?
Carla: Yeah.
Rebecca: 'Cause I just came from the company Christmas party.
Sam: Ooh! Did you corner Mr. Drake under the mistletoe and make nice-nice?
Rebecca: None of your business.
Sam: [sing-song] Oh, Rebecca didn't get her Christmas goose.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Uh, Woody. Uh, Woody can't work. He has to go back to Indiana, be with his folks.
Woody: Not this year, Sam. I'm a big boy now. I got commitments in the city. I landed a part in our children's theater production of The Story of Snow. I play the King of the Flakes.
Cliff: Hmm. That'd be a stretch.
Woody: We only have a matinee on Christmas Eve, so I'd be happy to work that night, encores permitting.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Oh, and just so you guys know I'm not pulling rank, I'm scheduled to work that night, too.
Sam: No. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Listen, no way am I punching the clock on one of the most sacred of family nights in the whole year.
Rebecca: Oh, and what do you have planned? An intimate little dinner with one of your nieces?
Sam: She makes it sound so cheap.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: I hope you're not hanging that there for my benefit.
Sam: Are you kidding me? Who'd want to kiss somebody who makes everyone else work on Christmas Eve? Oh, all right. [Rebecca ducks as Sam leans into kiss her]

Quote from Woody

Woody: The reviews are in. We're a hit!
Frasier: Good for you, Woody.
Norm: Let's, uh, take a peek. Okay. "The Story of Snow was way excellent. l think any kid in Miss Pedesta's class who misses it is a full-on goon."
Woody: And that from the kid who panned Goldilocks.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: Yeah. I'm gonna call my mom and read it to her. Boy, I'll tell you, I sure am glad I stayed in Boston after all. If I was home right now, I'd just be sitting around listening to my aunt and uncle talk about who's dead and who's sick and who lost part of their head in a thresher. [on the phone] Hello, Mom? [crying] I miss you all so much.

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