Frasier: Oh, joy. Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee deep in tinsel and wrapping paper, will utter those heartfelt words, "ls this all I got?"

Frasier: Boy, they make such a fuss about Mother Teresa...
Cliff: Excuse me there, Doctor, but, uh, do l, uh, detect a wry note of cynicism there in your comments?
Frasier: Cynical? Me? How could I possibly be cynical? Living in a nation in which we celebrate the holy birth of a babe in a manger with Perry Como in Hawaii.

Rebecca: But I did have plenty of time to make out next week's schedule.
Sam: Whoa, whoa, wait a second here. You got us working on Christmas Eve. That's a holiday.
Rebecca: No, Christmas is a holiday.
Sam: Well, it's a holiday eve.

Norm: Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Santa, what can I get you?
Norm: Finally, someone wants to get me something. I am so happy this holiday season is over with. The whining, the crying, the screaming, the temper tantrums... Okay, I wasn't your traditional Santa Claus.

Frasier: Doesn't that just epitomize the spirit of Christmas in the '80s? A gaggle of pie-eyed Santa Clauses all trying to find a designated driver to take the sleigh ride home.

Carla: Oh, no! Not It's a Wonderful Life again.
Norm: Mm-hmm.
Carla: How many times a day are they gonna show this golden moldy?
Woody: Six. From now until New Year's on Channel 13, it's a wonderful month.
Sam: This flick is so sweet, it makes my teeth ache.
Norm: Uh-oh. Stupid alert. I can guarantee you from my days in accounting that if you run short at the bank, everyone in town does not dash over, cash in hand, to bail you out.
Carla: Oh. Oh, here comes the gooshiest part.
Cliff: Oh. Oh, have they no shame? Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
[Auld Lang Syne is sung on It's a Wonderful Life]
Carla: [voice breaking] Can I have a Kleenex, Sam? Must have got something in my eye. [sniffling]
Cliff: Yeah, me, too.
Norm: Must be something in the air.

Cliff: Hey, good afternoon, all you warmhearted and generous people.
Norm: Cliffy. What's with the box?
Cliff: Well, the, uh, postal carriers are having a food drive, and if you, uh, good Samaritans fill this box with canned goods, I'll, uh, win a free trip to Disney World. Yeah. Imagine that. Pirates of the Caribbean, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and me.
Norm: So, who are the cans for?
Cliff: Uh, I don't know. Poor, needy, somebody like that.

Rebecca: I'm gonna pay you all time and a half.
Sam: No. Hey. No, forget it. We cannot be bought.
Carla: I can.
Sam: Sweetheart, don't you want to be home with your family?
Carla: Would you?
Sam: Good point, good point.

Lilith: Buon Natale. Feliz Navidad. Joyeux Noel. Merry Christmas and shalom.
Carla: Ditto. Now go home. And take ten of these deadbeats with you.
Frasier: Oh, would that I could, Carla, but Lady Bountiful here insists on doling out these obligatory gifts so that people will pretend they like us in the New Year.
Lilith: My little Scrooge. If he doesn't cheer up, Santa's going to give him a lump of coal and make him sleep on the couch. Merry, merry. Happy, happy.

Cliff: He did it again, damn it! The third year in a row, Walt Twitchell has cheated me out of my rightful place in the Magic Kingdom. And he did it by one lousy dented can of Spam.
Carla: You know, Clavin, I know you're dying to go to a place where no one looks twice at funny costumes and big floppy ears, but I think you missed the point here. A lot of food got to needy people. Isn't that what it's all about?
Cliff: Well I guess you're right, Carla.
Woody: Oh, Mr. Clavin, I'm glad you're here. I got something for you.
Cliff: Ah, thanks, Woody, but, uh... Wait a minute. Chow mein and leechy nuts? Woodrow, think very carefully.
Were these in the bar before 4:00 p.m. today?
Woody: Yeah, they were here. I just forgot to put 'em in the box.
Cliff: Oh, that makes one more can than Twitchell. I win. [laughs] Deck the halls with suntan lotion. Disney World, here I come! [laughs]
Frasier: Well, I guess it's true what they say. Charity begins in Orlando.