Norm: Hey, Wood, you see the paper?
Woody: Nah. I don't read the paper anymore. It's too depressing.
Frasier: Many people feel that way, Woody.
Woody: Yeah, I mean, Lucy's always pulling the football away from Charlie Brown. The Lockhorns are always fighting. Henry still doesn't have a mouth.

Frasier: Hey, Woody. I'll have a nice, tall iced tea.
Woody: Yeah, just a second, Dr. Crane. I got to take a couple aspirin. I got a splitting headache.
Frasier: You know, there's a school of thought that suggests that all physical pain... Headache, earache, stomachache, what have you...
Woody: A headache. Pay attention.
Frasier: Thank you. Anyway, these people say that those pains are merely physical manifestations of some deeper trauma, either psychological, emotional, or spiritual. See, suppose you just relax and try to remember the very thing you were thinking when the headache first started. Then we may be able to get to the root of the problem.
Woody: All right. Well, I was standing here and I was thinking about how when I was a little kid, I was the only kid in my town who didn't have a bicycle.
Frasier: OK. Go on.
Woody: I mean, all the other kids had one. Why not me?
Frasier: Excellent...
Woody: And then I bent down real fast to pick up a napkin... [clonk] Ohh! I hit my head again! So what do you think it is, Dr. Crane?
[Frasier takes a couple of aspirin himself]

Norm: Rebecca, they do not fry people for insider trading.
Rebecca: What if they do, Norm? What if they do? I mean, I love that man, and I am just about ready to lose him. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be without Vera for 20 years?
Norm: Oh, my God.
Rebecca: You see? You'd miss Vera.
Norm: I thought you said beer.

Frasier: Well, it's always good to see justice done. But I have to tell you, I hate to think of the poor man in prison. Those wretched places are filled with the worst degenerates, the most worthless dirty scum ever on this planet.
Norm: Frasier, why would you say that?
Frasier: Well, I was a prison counselor. You know, very often, I was their only friend.

Woody: So, what do you suppose will happen to Mr. Colcord?
Frasier: Well, I suppose he'll get the full measure of the law. This country is sick and tired of these of corporate raiders that are plundering our economy. The days of junk bonds and Wall Street deals are behind us. Although I do hear there's some good penny stocks out there. Say, you know, I think I'll give my broker a call.

Carla: Sammy. I am so proud of you.
Sam: Yeah!
Carla: Hey, hey. I know how we should celebrate.
Sam: Yeah?
Carla: Why don't you just take me right on top of the bar, like you did in the old days.
Sam: I never did that.
Carla: Then who was that guy? Oh! That was the manager of the bar where I worked before this. Hey, can anybody give me a ride to The Broken Spoke?

Rebecca: Bye-bye, sweetie. Everything's going to turn out fine. [Robin leaves] That's the way we'll be kissing on visiting day for the next 20 years.
Carla: Thought you was so sure he was getting off.
Rebecca: Are you kidding? He'll fry. The street lamps will dim.

Agent Munson: So, have any of you seen Colcord in the last 24 hours?
Carla: Look, I'm not going to say a word. You could tie me to a hard chair and work me over under hot lights all day.
Agent Munson: We wouldn't do that.
Carla: Well, you could. Especially him.

Rebecca: So, he asked me to marry him, which obviously meant nothing to him. He hops on his jet and leaves me here to rot.
Customer #1: Can I have my drink?
Rebecca: You know, you men are all alike.
[After Rebecca throws the drink in the customer's face, she walks over to a guy at another table]
Rebecca: So, where was l?
Customer #2: You were engaged to one of the richest men in the world. Could I just have my check?
Rebecca: Are you a man?
Customer #2: Sure. [Rebecca throws the drink in his face]
Rebecca: Woody, I'm going to need some more drinks.
Woody: What kind?
Rebecca: Doesn't make any difference.

Norm: Woody, Woody. Front page. Look who got indicted for insider trading.
Woody: Wow. That guy looks exactly like Robin Colcord. Whoa! He even has the same name. Hey, let's kid him about it when he comes in.
Frasier: Woody, this is obviously the same Robin Colcord that we all know.
Woody: Whoa, then it'll be even funnier.