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‘Diamond Sam’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Diamond Sam

514. Diamond Sam

Aired January 15, 1987

After Diane tells Sam the engagement ring she's had her eyes on, he buys it from a man Norm knows for a quarter of the price.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, Diane, Sam, congratulations to both of you. Diane, I hope you're planning to stay for the entire ceremony this time. Ours was... [laughs] Ours was very touching, I thought.

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Quote from Woody

Sam: Due to our desire to be... What?
Diane: Conjoined.
Sam: Conjoined, uh hey, well, Diane and l, uh, would like you to, uh, celebrate with us by, uh, toasting our nuptials.
Woody: Ouch.
Sam: No, no, Woody, it's, uh...

Quote from Carla

Carla: Where is Sam?
Diane: "Where is Sam?" [quietly] I think she's starting to relate to her environment again.
Frasier: Well, I think we've made great progress. Carla, can you tell me who Sam is?
Carla: Of course. He's my boss.
Frasier: Did you know that he is now engaged to be married?
Carla: Yes. I'm very happy for him.
Frasier: See how well we've done?
Diane: Carla... who is the charming soul that has agreed to marry him?
Carla: Norm.
Frasier: Well, I'm not the miracle worker.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Oh, Sam, what did the doctor say?
Sam: Same thing he always does: "Wow!"

Quote from Woody

Frasier: Here's something about a show of impressionists coming to Boston this fall.
Cliff: Well, why wait? I do one that'll knock your socks off.
Carla: He's talkin' about French painters, doofus.
Cliff: Yeah? Well, so am l. Yeah, I do a great Cezanne.
Norm: Get outta here.
Cliff: No, I do. Watch this. [French accent:] Hosey, posey, life is perfect.
Norm: [as John Wayne:] Hey, ya better smile when ya say that, Pilgrim.
Frasier: [as James Stewart:] Now, now, now, now, just a-just a darned second there, young fella. [all chuckling]
Woody: Okay, okay, I got one. Watch this. [with country accent] Hey, fellers. I believe we might be in for just a little rain before this day's over.
Frasier: Woody, who is that?
Woody: It's Dwight Womack, mayor of Hanover, lndiana.
Cliff: No, Woody, Woody, when you do impressions, you gotta do impressions of famous people.
Woody: Well, if I could do somebody famous, why would I be doin' Dwight Womack?
Frasier: Yeah, good point.
Norm: Yeah, he's got a point.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam? This is our first time back in Cheers since, you know, yesterday. Don't you think we should announce our engagement?
Sam: Oh. All right. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Diane: Oh, no, no, you do it. You're the man.
Sam: All right, listen up, everybody. I have an announcement to make here. Uh, Diane and I decided to...
Diane: Oh, Sam, [clears throat] what are you going to say?
Sam: Well, I was just going to tell them.. [whispers]
Diane: I see.
Sam: Well, what do you want me to say? [Diane whispers] Oh, come on, Diane, nobody knows who the Lunts are.

Quote from Sam

Diane: What Sam so eloquently expressed was that he and I have officially become engaged to be married.
[cheering and applause] How about that Al, huh?
Cliff: Oh, marriage, Sam.
Norm: I thought you'd said you'd never marry Diane.
Sam: Well, I- I never, uh, said that exactly.
Norm: No, no, I think the exact words were "l'd rather have every hair on my body pulled out simultaneously..."
Sam: Well, that- That's just an expression. I mean... No, seriously, you know, we all knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I just thought I'd get it over with.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, another one bites the matrimonial dust. I guess that leaves only one stud to satisfy all the babes in this bar.
Al: Yeah, I can handle it, too.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Hi. I bet you never thought you'd see the day, huh?
Carla: Nice shirt, Sam. Is it new?
Sam: No, it's not. It, uh... Did you hear what I said up there about me and Diane getting engaged?
Carla: The beer distributor called. He wants to know if he can change the delivery day to Wednesday.
Diane: Carla, I know that we haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but you could at least wish us well.
Carla: I need a draft.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Fascinating. She's experiencing denial.
Woody: What's that mean, Dr. Crane?
Carla: Well, simply put, it means that the human mind blocks out that which it cannot emotionally accept.
Woody: What's that mean, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: It means that you don't understand this, and you never will.
Woody: Oh.
Frasier: I think perhaps I should get personally involved in this. After all, Carla is a good friend. I think I could help her alleviate her suffering. Besides, there's nothing good on TV.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Oh, there's something shiny!
Sam: No. Just another paper wrapper.
Diane: Oh, look at us. We're filthy.
Sam: Yeah. By the way, I hate that dress.
Diane: Considering the circumstances under which it was obtained, it's hardly one of my favorites anymore.
Sam: Well, okay. Then I can count on you not wearing it when you visit me in the poorhouse that you put me in.
Diane: Oh, Sam, get off it.
Sam: No, no, no, wait a second. Le- Let's tally up the damages here. The first ring was $1,200. The box was $290. Four lovely pink frocks was a mere $950. The, uh, damages on the car will be at least a grand. And let's not forget about the $5,200 bite I was hoping to avoid in the first place. Bringing it to a grand total of $9,000 for a ring I no longer have.
Diane: Well, I hasten to add that this was all of your own volition.
Sam: Ah.
Diane: $290 for the box?
Sam: Yeah. Do you like do you like corn on the cob?

Quote from Diane

Diane: Even had that been the bargain ring, it would've been sinfully impetuous of me to cast it away.
Sam: Well, here's the bargain ring right now. Why don't you give it the old heave-ho, too?
Diane: Hmm. I'm somehow reminded of a fable penned by an anonymous 18th century author concerning the young mistress of a great feudal estate and a woodchopper who worked on the estate...
Sam: Diane not now, please?
Diane: Could I just tell you the moral?
Sam: What?
Diane: You're really neat.
Hardly a rich soul, I know. The fact remains that no matter what the cost a ring is, above all else, a symbol of the feelings that two people have for each other. So, truly, Sam, this is the ring I want.
Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa, here. Let me do this. [puts the ring on Diane's finger] [kisses Diane] Uh.
Diane: But nothing says we can't keep looking.

Quote from Diane

Norm: So I don't see any ring here. What gives, you guys, huh?
Sam: Well, we're doing a little window shopping.
Norm: Yeah?
Sam: But she's got her eye on a big ol' diamond in the window of, uh, Barton and Lyles.
Norm: Yeah?
Diane: Oh, no, no, Sam. Now that's much too expensive. I would be content with any one of the smaller stones we saw today.
Sam: Oh, now wait a second. Hey, Woody, give me the phone there, will ya? Listen, you might as well have the best ring. You got the best husband. Hmm?
Diane: Is it any wonder I love you? I'm twice blessed. I'm getting the most wonderful guy and one helluva rock.

Quote from Sam

Sam: [on the phone] Hi, uh, you got a ring in the window there by the door? It's a big diamond with two little diamonds on either side there. Yeah, uh, that's the one. Yeah, how- How much does that cost? [laughs] [hangs up]
Woody: How much?
Sam: Fifty-two hundred. [all laugh] Boy, what am I going to do here?
Norm: Bruce.
Sam: What?
Norm: Friend of mine in the jewelry business. He buys diamonds and gold wholesale and then you don't have to pay the markup, which is like a zillion percent.
Sam: Oh, you know, that- that's kinda silly.
Norm: No, no. It's the same gold, same diamonds.
Sam: Well, if it's the same ring, it's the same ring.
Norm: Absolutely.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Uh, Sam, I don't think that's a good idea.
Sam: Why not?
Frasier: Diane's not the kind of woman who'd like to find out that her ring was bought from a jeweler who begins every transaction with, "Psst, buddy."
Sam: Oh, no, you make you're makin' it sound worse than it is. I mean, I'm sure everything's legit.
Norm: [on the phone] All right, fine, Bruce. Great. [hangs up] Psst, Sammy, come here.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Dee-daa. Huh? Not bad for 1,200 bucks, huh?
Woody: Wow, I'll say.
Norm: Hey, Carla, you, uh, see the ring that Sammy got for Diane here?
Carla: You know, I'm thinking about having my house texture-coated. You have your choice of 24 decorator colors.
Frasier: Amazing.
Carla: Yeah, and surprisingly reasonable.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Hey, hey, hey. Hey, you guys, you want to see a classic? Here, watch. Hi, Diane.
Diane: Hi, Sam.
Sam: Oh boy, hey, you know, that finger looks a little warm there. Maybe you should cool it down with some ice.
Diane: [gasps] Sam.
Sam: What? What? What's the matter? What's wrong?
Diane: Nothing. It's beautiful. Oh. Oh. Just think, hours ago, I was admiring this magnificent ring in the window, thinking it was an unattainable treasure. And now, here it is on my finger.
Sam: Yep, there it is, all right. That's the one. How about that, huh?
Diane: Oh, thank you, thank you.

Quote from Carla

Norm: Hey, uh, Carla, do you realize that when Sammy and Diane get married, uh, Diane's going to be your boss?
Carla: Nice shirt, Norm. Is it new?

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam I felt that I couldn't possibly ask you for this, but now that you've actually gone out and purchased it, I can tell you. This is the only ring I ever wanted.
Sam: Mmm.
Diane: Where's the box?
Sam: Box?
Diane: Yeah, you know, the one it came in.
Sam: Oh, yeah, uh this, this one didn't seem to come with one of those, did it?
[Sam covertly passes the brown envelope to Norm who passes it Cliff]
Diane: Really? Oh, I'm surprised they didn't give you one, especially considering how much this must have cost.
Sam: Oh, well, they did, they did. It's just that I told them, uh, keep the box. She'll just wear it. That's what I said, all right.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam?
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: This may sound frivolous, but every woman wants to keep the box that her engagement ring came in. I already have a space reserved for it in my memento drawer, right between my French Club pin and my retainer.

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