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Diamond Sam

‘Diamond Sam’

Season 5, Episode 14 -  Aired January 15, 1987

After Diane tells Sam the engagement ring she's had her eyes on, he buys it from a man Norm knows for a quarter of the price.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, Diane, Sam, congratulations to both of you. Diane, I hope you're planning to stay for the entire ceremony this time. Ours was... [laughs] Ours was very touching, I thought.

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Quote from Woody

Sam: Due to our desire to be... What?
Diane: Conjoined.
Sam: Conjoined, uh hey, well, Diane and l, uh, would like you to, uh, celebrate with us by, uh, toasting our nuptials.
Woody: Ouch.
Sam: No, no, Woody, it's, uh...

Quote from Carla

Carla: Where is Sam?
Diane: "Where is Sam?" [quietly] I think she's starting to relate to her environment again.
Frasier: Well, I think we've made great progress. Carla, can you tell me who Sam is?
Carla: Of course. He's my boss.
Frasier: Did you know that he is now engaged to be married?
Carla: Yes. I'm very happy for him.
Frasier: See how well we've done?
Diane: Carla... who is the charming soul that has agreed to marry him?
Carla: Norm.
Frasier: Well, I'm not the miracle worker.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Oh, Sam, what did the doctor say?
Sam: Same thing he always does: "Wow!"

Quote from Woody

Frasier: Here's something about a show of impressionists coming to Boston this fall.
Cliff: Well, why wait? I do one that'll knock your socks off.
Carla: He's talkin' about French painters, doofus.
Cliff: Yeah? Well, so am l. Yeah, I do a great Cezanne.
Norm: Get outta here.
Cliff: No, I do. Watch this. [French accent:] Hosey, posey, life is perfect.
Norm: [as John Wayne:] Hey, ya better smile when ya say that, Pilgrim.
Frasier: [as James Stewart:] Now, now, now, now, just a-just a darned second there, young fella. [all chuckling]
Woody: Okay, okay, I got one. Watch this. [with country accent] Hey, fellers. I believe we might be in for just a little rain before this day's over.
Frasier: Woody, who is that?
Woody: It's Dwight Womack, mayor of Hanover, lndiana.
Cliff: No, Woody, Woody, when you do impressions, you gotta do impressions of famous people.
Woody: Well, if I could do somebody famous, why would I be doin' Dwight Womack?
Frasier: Yeah, good point.
Norm: Yeah, he's got a point.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam? This is our first time back in Cheers since, you know, yesterday. Don't you think we should announce our engagement?
Sam: Oh. All right. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Diane: Oh, no, no, you do it. You're the man.
Sam: All right, listen up, everybody. I have an announcement to make here. Uh, Diane and I decided to...
Diane: Oh, Sam, [clears throat] what are you going to say?
Sam: Well, I was just going to tell them.. [whispers]
Diane: I see.
Sam: Well, what do you want me to say? [Diane whispers] Oh, come on, Diane, nobody knows who the Lunts are.

Quote from Sam

Diane: What Sam so eloquently expressed was that he and I have officially become engaged to be married.
[cheering and applause] How about that Al, huh?
Cliff: Oh, marriage, Sam.
Norm: I thought you'd said you'd never marry Diane.
Sam: Well, I- I never, uh, said that exactly.
Norm: No, no, I think the exact words were "l'd rather have every hair on my body pulled out simultaneously..."
Sam: Well, that- That's just an expression. I mean... No, seriously, you know, we all knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I just thought I'd get it over with.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, another one bites the matrimonial dust. I guess that leaves only one stud to satisfy all the babes in this bar.
Al: Yeah, I can handle it, too.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Hi. I bet you never thought you'd see the day, huh?
Carla: Nice shirt, Sam. Is it new?
Sam: No, it's not. It, uh... Did you hear what I said up there about me and Diane getting engaged?
Carla: The beer distributor called. He wants to know if he can change the delivery day to Wednesday.
Diane: Carla, I know that we haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but you could at least wish us well.
Carla: I need a draft.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Fascinating. She's experiencing denial.
Woody: What's that mean, Dr. Crane?
Carla: Well, simply put, it means that the human mind blocks out that which it cannot emotionally accept.
Woody: What's that mean, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: It means that you don't understand this, and you never will.
Woody: Oh.
Frasier: I think perhaps I should get personally involved in this. After all, Carla is a good friend. I think I could help her alleviate her suffering. Besides, there's nothing good on TV.

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