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‘Coach in Love, Part 2’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Coach in Love, Part 2

307. Coach in Love, Part 2

Aired November 15, 1984

Coach is still looking forward to marrying Irene, even though he hasn't seen her since the night he proposed and she won the lottery.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Well, she can't stop thinking about me. Obviously, little Miss Sue has a bad case of Sammy-itis.
Diane: Sometimes known as the swine flu. Sam, admit it. The poor woman had a low threshold for overbearing bores.
Sam: Well, I got an idea. Maybe I could send her a relief map of my body.
Diane: Or you could send her a life-sized portrait of your brain. I know a good miniaturist.
Sam: No, that's not sexy enough.

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Quote from Carla

Sam: Oh, Carla, I hate to criticize, but I can't believe you actually read these sleazy scandal sheets. I mean, look at this. Even I'm above this. "Big Foot Stole My Wife." "Have Aliens Taken Over Your Pet?" I mean, this is garbage!
Carla: For your information, Sam, I don't read those articles. I think they're just as stupid as you do. I get it because they happen to have a great crossword puzzle. OK, let's see. Seven across. Five-headed cow born in Vermont. Maybelle. Uh, sixteen across. State with the most UFO babies. Arkansas.
Sam: I don't believe it.
Carla: Thirty-two across, aphrodisiac found in every kitchen cabinet. Oh, I don't know what that one is. Let me see what fourteen down is. Where Franco's brain is being kept alive. Fish tank. OK, so, the fifth letter of the aphrodisiac is an A. Now I remember. Oregano. [Sam writes it down] Trash.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Hey, Diane. Surprise. Found something else of yours lying around my place. Remember this?
Diane: Good Lord. Is that for wearing or signalling aircraft?
Sam: Well, this is your teddy, isn't it?
Diane: I don't know which of your mindless bimbi left that in your apartment. If she paid money for it, she should be seen to and chemically altered.
Sam: Hey, what, you don't like the color?
Diane: What made you think that was mine?
Sam: Well, you're the only person I know that shops at those fancy French places.
Diane: "The House of Ooh La La". Get it away from me. It's horrendous.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Your Florida tan is far deeper, far richer, than your ordinary, common run-of-the-mill tan. As a matter of fact, I've got a patch over here. I'll show you the distinction.
Norm: I see Cliff found somebody he hasn't bored to death with his Florida spiel yet.
Carla: Marco Polo didn't talk about his trip this much.
Cliff: You see how the rayon sock-
Man: Whoa, gee, it's seven o'clock! You wonder where the evening's gone.
Cliff: Ah, I'll remember where I was.
Man: Yeah, so will l.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Diane: Norman.
Sam: Tell us what you know, Norm.
Norm: Well, God's in his heaven and something, something, something.
Sam: How about a beer?
Norm: Yeah, that's it.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: Anyway, she's living with him in Corfu, wherever the hell that is.
Cliff: [scoffs] Corfu. The poor man's Pensacola.

Quote from Coach

Diane: How about a pizza? You love pizza.
Coach: No, I don't, Diane. You can't crawl in bed with a pizza. Well, maybe you could, but a pizza can't keep you warm. But, you know what, maybe it could, but you can't kiss a pizza. Your lips would get...
Sam: Uh, Coach, we get the point.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [v.o.] Hi, sweetheart. Oh, come on, don't look at me like that. I know we haven't spent that much time together lately, but an awful lot's been happening down at Cheers. Let me just grab a beer. Anyway, this woman, Irene Blanchard walks into the bar a few weeks ago. Coach falls for her like a ton of bricks. Kind of like when we first laid eyes on each other. Well, next thing you know, he's taking her out on the town and they've been seeing each other every night since. So I guess it wasn't totally unexpected when Coach comes in tonight- Hey. Hey, I saw that yawn. Well, I can finish this story tomorrow. Come on, let's you and me turn in. [dog barks] No! You'll wake up Vera.
Vera: [v.o.] Norm?
Norm: Be right up, dear. You stupid dog. I hope she's not in the mood to talk... or anything.

Quote from Carla

Norm: So, where's the Coach? Is he off or what?
Sam: No, he's in the back working.
Norm: I understand Irene postponed the wedding again.
Cliff: Oh, what does that make, three times now?
Carla: Can I have a Stoly rocks, Sam? Yeah, I don't think he's seen much of her since she became Miss Moneybags.
Cliff: Yeah, just like a woman! I tell you, they're only good for one thing.
Carla: And for you, not even that.

Quote from Coach

Sam: Coach! Listen. Listen to me. Look, I'm going to tell you straight and you just better listen to me right now.
Coach: Sam, before you do, could I ask a very special favor of you?
Sam: What?
Coach: Sam, would you please be my best man?
Sam: Oh, Coach. Oh, sure, sure. I'd be proud to.
Coach: Thanks, Sam. Now if I can just clear this with Irene.
Sam: Well, what does she care who your best man is?
Coach: No, it's not Irene. It's Sue. If you showed up at the wedding, she said something about hiring a sniper.

Quote from Carla

Norm: Looks like the Coach is headed for Dump City and he's got his pedal to the metal.
Diane: I still say there's something touching about it. A man with that much hope and faith in a relationship is very rare.
Carla: So's the oxygen to your brain.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Well, I'm sure that if Irene knew how strongly the Coach still felt about her, she'd make an effort to talk to him and straighten him out.
Sam: Yeah, but we don't even know how to get in touch with her. Oh, but I do know how to get in touch with her daughter, Miss Frostbottom. I tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna give her a message to pass on to her mother and she can keep a little of it for herself. A message about how a couple of women that don't know the first thing about being decent to folks. [on the phone] Hi, Babe, Sam Malone. Busy tonight? For the rest of your life. Yeah, well, I thought that's what you were gonna say, but before you hang up on me here, this phone call doesn't have anything to do with you. It's about your mother and the way she's being treating the Coach. I mean, I think it stinks. I don't even want to tell you how enraged I am over the phone, so how about we get together for dinner tonight? Yeah, well, I knew you were gonna say that, but listen up here. I don't want to go to dinner. I already ate. So, how about a drink? Well, I knew you were gonna say that, too, but I got news for you. I don't drink. So who feels stupid now, huh? You agree with me? Well, yeah, you should be ashamed of your mother, Sue. I mean, come on, what's going on here? Corfu? Oh, no. Yeah, thanks. [hangs up] You know, I'm beginning to hate the women in that family.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Come on, Coach, how about the three of us go out and get something to eat, like old times?
Coach: I thought I knew her. I was so sure she'd come back today.
Sam: Well, maybe she had a family crisis, like her daughter fell off her broomstick.

Quote from Coach

Coach: You know what really hurts the most?
Sam: What?
Coach: I thought right up to the very last moment she'd call. How could I have been so wrong?
Diane: You just wanted it to happen so badly you never thought it wouldn't.
Coach: No, Diane. No, I never doubted it. I thought we'd get together. But I guess the money did change her.
Diane: I guess it did.
Coach: You want to know something? I'm starting to wonder if we would have made that good a couple. Come on, let's get some pizza. [phone rings] Boy, life with her sure ain't boring.
Diane: Coach, don't answer that phone. We both know like you do that it's Irene, but why not teach her a lesson?
Coach: No, Diane. If she was thoughtful enough to call... [answers phone] Look, honey, let me do the talking. If I hear your voice, I might change my mind. You're better off with the rich guy. I realize that even if you don't. Now, look, we had some good times, just take care of yourself, huh? [hangs up] I hope she understands.
Sam: Coach, wait a second here. Did you actually hear her voice on the phone?
Coach: I didn't have to, Sam. It was her.
Diane: So it's all over?
Coach: Well, it's all over for me. I still feel sorry for her. [phone rings] Poor kid. [exits]
Diane: [to Sam as he heads to the phone] It's her. [sings] Isn't it romantic...

Quote from Carla

Carla: [v.o.] Antony, everything under control?
Antony: [v.o.] Yeah, Ma, what'd you think, the place would be on fire?
Carla: Never mind, wise guy. I was a little worried, this being your first time watching the kids alone.
Antony: Yeah, I know, but it was no sweat.
Carla: That's my little man.
Antony: Yuck.
Carla: It feels good to get off my feet. Hey, where are the kids, anyway?
Antony: Locked in the hall closet.
Carla: Well, let them out!
Antony: Yeah, sure, Ma.
Carla: I didn't say now.

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