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‘Don't Paint Your Chickens’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Don't Paint Your Chickens

715. Don't Paint Your Chickens

Aired February 23, 1989

After getting nowhere with corporate, Rebecca uses her marketing expertise to improve Norm's painting business. Meanwhile, Sam gets a different kind of workout when he dates a fitness fanatic.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Well, everyone, you are looking at a winner.
Carla: You were the best kisser-upper? Gee, what does that trophy look like?
Rebecca: I did not kiss up. I gave an interview. I gave one hell of an interview. I was tough, I was insightful, I was witty. Meryl Streep will play me in the movie.

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Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Wait a minute. Here we have a man who doesn't know how to promote his business. And here we have a woman who knows everything about promotion, but has never really been given a chance. Now, if I can turn a beer-guzzling nobody into a successful businessman, then those guys down there at corporate will see that I can do anything.
Norm: Uh, much as I love your pitch, Rebecca, uh, I'm not comfortable working with friends.
Rebecca: Oh, forget about friends. In the cold light of reason, consider this: Please, please, please, for Becky?
Norm: Nah, nah, I'd rather work by myself.
Rebecca: Okay, fine, Norm, fine. I'll just go back to what I was doing. Going over these delinquent bar accounts. Whoa. Now there's a rather huge one in the "P" section.
Norm: [sighs] Welcome to Team Peterson.

Quote from Cliff

Rebecca: Oh. I don't believe this! And I thought they were really impressed with me, and they were just staring at this big, old stupid ink blot.
Woody: It's not that bad, Miss Howe. It's kind of decorative. It looks like, uh, a bunny.
Carla: No, no, it looks like a spider.
Sam: Or a butterfly.
Cliff: Uh, it looks like my parents having a screaming argument on my third birthday when I pretended to be asleep but wasn't. Or a butterfly.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
Sam: Yo-ho.
All: Norm!
Sam: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Hey, weren't you supposed to have a painting job today?
Norm: You're right, Cliffie, I did, but I screwed it up. Turns out I was supposed to show up yesterday. So they went ahead and hired somebody else. Like they couldn't open the restaurant a damn day later.
Cliff: Well, you know, you might be the world's greatest house painter... although who would know the difference? But, you know, as a businessman, you really leave a lot to be desired, you know. You haven't had a job in three months.
Norm: Cliff, you're absolutely right. I could do something about that. Or I could sit right here and feel sorry for myself and nurse this beer all day. And since I'm already here...

Quote from Norm

Cliff: You know what's wrong with our lives?
Norm: Yeah, we have lousy jobs with poor pay. We both waste all our time sitting on our cans in this beer hall doing nothing but watching TV and gossiping like a couple of old ladies. Plus, everyone thinks we're dufuses.
Cliff: Geez, you know, I was just going to say we could probably use a little bit more exercise, but, uh, I'll go along with what you said.
Rebecca: Oh, Norm, there you are.
Norm: Oh, gee, how'd you track me down?

Quote from Norm

Norm: A development company has a small apartment complex, okay? They're having a contract problem with their regular crew, so we're up.
Rebecca: Oh, it's happening.
Norm: Well, it's just a little eight-plex. Okay? Now don't get crazy.
Rebecca: Norm, Ray Kroc started McDonald's with one little hamburger.
Norm: Uh-huh.
Rebecca: Colonel Sanders started with one little chicken. We are on our way to the top, Mister. How does that make you feel?
Norm: Makes me feel like having a Big Mac and a bucket of wings, actually.
Rebecca: That's my boy.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [phone ringing] Now, what is it about Rebecca's history that makes me think this is going to be bad news? [answers phone] 4-A Painting. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I knew that. Yeah, well, thanks, anyway. [hangs up] Damn, damn, damn.
Cliff: What's the matter, Norm?
Norm: Well, that was the developer. They signed with their painters and we're out.
Cliff: So, uh you gonna chase Rebecca down before she quits her job?
Norm: I guess I really should, huh?
Cliff: But then again, she hates her job, so, well, well, is it gonna be that bad if they can her?
Norm: Maybe you're right. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
Cliff: I don't know, just find somebody else to run the bar, that's all.
Norm: Right. Oh, my God. My bar tab could fall into the wrong hands. [finds Sam laying in the doorway] Sammy, nice socks, man.

Quote from Rebecca

Mr. Anawalt: So, you've worked here six years and you've been treated like hell. Hmm.
Rebecca: But I've never been happier in my life. And I'd never want anything to change. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. [heads out] Damn it. I'm doing it. [turns back] Mr. Anawalt, I have something else to say, and this is it. You wouldn't know a good marketing executive if one came up and bit you on the butt. Now I am better and smarter than 50% of the people that work here, and if you can't see that then you are blind or a buffoon. Take your pick. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Cheers where I am sure all my personal belongings will be waiting for me in a Hefty bag on the street.
Mr. Anawalt: Miss Howe.
Rebecca: What do you want now?
Mr. Anawalt: You have a lot of nerve talking to me like that. This company was built on nerve. Not enough young people have the guts to stand up and say what they're really thinking. I've been looking for that brave child who wouldn't be afraid to say, "The emperor has no clothes."
Rebecca: He's nude, sir. Buck naked.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [coughing]
Mrs. Rosenbush: My God. Are you all right?
Norm: I just ran.
Mrs. Rosenbush: Up 40 flights of stairs?
Norm: God, no. Just from the elevator.

Quote from Rebecca

Mr. Anawalt: You think you could handle a triple-raise in salary?
Rebecca: Oh, yes, sir.
Mr. Anawalt: You think you could handle an executive position with my marketing team?
Rebecca: Yes, sir.
Mr. Anawalt: Think you could start Monday?
Rebecca: Yes, sir.
Mr. Anawalt: Welcome aboard.
Rebecca: Oh, yes, sir. Sir, th- This is a dream come true for me. [knocking at door]
Mr. Anawalt: Yes?
Agent Adams: FBI. Mr. Anawalt, you're under arrest.
Mr. Anawalt: What's the charge?
Agent Adams: Insider trading. Come on, let's go. Take him downtown.
Rebecca: No!
Agent Adams: Read him his rights. Get those files.
Rebecca: You can't do this. This man is innocent.
Mr. Anawalt: No, they have me dead to rights.
Rebecca: Oh. Mr. Anawalt. Mr. Anawalt. I'll wait for you, sir. I'll be standing right here, waiting for you. [thunder crashes] I think I am the unluckiest person on earth. [rain pattering]

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Anyway... All right. All successful businesses and products have logos. Now, I have come up with the perfect, delightful, charming little character to symbolize 4-A Painting.
Norm: It's a lizard.
Rebecca: No, it's Carl Chameleon. Now, like all chameleons, Carl changes colors. And so should your house. When you think of color change think of Carl and 4-A Painting.
Norm: That sure makes my old symbol seem like nothing.
Cliff: What was your old symbol?
Norm: Nothing.

Quote from Rebecca

Mr. Anawalt: Now, Miss Harris, I hear you're looking for a job with the company.
Rebecca: My name's Miss Howe and I already work for the company.
Mr. Anawalt: Then everything's settled, show yourself out.
Rebecca: But- But- But- But I had something to say.
Mr. Anawalt: Make it quick.
Rebecca: Mr. Anawalt, I have worked for this company for six years now. For four of those, I didn't get a raise. Now not less than 36 people have passed me on the corporate ladder. [Norm appears in the window on a window-cleaning boom with a sign reading "No Job"] Oh, my God.
Mrs. Rosenbush: What's that?
Rebecca: Evidently, an out-of-work window washer.
Mrs. Rosenbush: Well, you have to admire his initiative.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Thank you, Carla. Now, I call the piece "Ingmar Bergman: Poet of the Subconscious." The films of Ingmar Bergman-
Norm: Boy, who could forget her in Casablanca, huh?
Frasier: No, no. No, you're thinking of Ingrid Bergman. I'm talking about Ingmar Bergman.
Woody: Ingmar Bergman, the boxer?
Cliff: No, Woody, you're thinking of Ingmar Johansson.
Sam: You mean the guy who knocked out Floyd Patterson?
Norm: No, no, no. Sonny Liston knocked out Patterson.
Pete: Well, then who knocked out Johansson?
Norm: Patterson.
Steve: Before Liston?
Norm: No, no, Johansson knocked out Liston.
Cliff: Who knocked out Patterson?
Woody: Was it Ingrid Bergman?
Pete: No, Ingrid Bergman-
Frasier: Shut up! Shut up! Not one more word. I came in here to discuss Ingmar Bergman, not start an Abbott and Costello routine.
Norm: Actually, I thought it was more like Martin and Lewis, wasn't it?
Sam: You mean Joe Louis?
Cliff: Oh, he's the one who knocked out Floyd Patterson.
Woody: Then who knocked out Lou Costello?
Frasier: Apparently, Ingrid Bergman.
Woody: Boy, she was tougher than she looked.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Where's Rebecca? I haven't seen her all day.
Carla: She's down at one of her power meetings at corporate.
Cliff: Oh, yeah?
Carla: Yeah, she must be really trying to impress a biggie. She was already puckering up before she even hit the door.
Cliff: Boy, these corporate types... Down at the post office, I kneel for nobody.
Frasier: Hmm. Well, we'll all bear that in mind, Cliff, whenever we desire to have a job where you have to wake up at 4:00 in the morning, walk a 15-mile route, and make a minimal base salary.
Cliff: Hey, hey, hey. It's not that easy, pal. You got to take a test.

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