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‘Let Sleeping Drakes Lie’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Let Sleeping Drakes Lie

618. Let Sleeping Drakes Lie

Aired February 18, 1988

When Norm paints the house of Rebecca's boss, Evan Drake (Tom Skerritt), she takes the opportunity to snoop around his bedroom.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: No, no, it's a well-documented fact that the female of the species is irresistibly drawn to men in uniform. Yeah, just yesterday, some lonely, frustrated housewife saw me coming up the garden path, you know, peeking through the window, and she tries to coyly titillate me by pulling down the shade so I wonder what's going on behind it.
Carla: Let me dispel the mystery. She was puking.
Cliff: Carla, don't you get bored just hanging around here all day waiting to take cheap shots at me?
Carla: Yeah, I should get a beeper.
Cliff: All right, look. That's it. I am sick and tired of being your whipping boy. Today the worm turns. You are not going to insult me any longer, because I am not going to give you the chance. As of from right now, I am shutting up, zipping my lip. [applause] And my friends support me.

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Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Morning, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it, Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions. Pour.

Quote from Woody

Woody: I know I'm not very sophisticated, but I don't think what Sam is doing is right.
Cliff: Well, look, don't you put yourself down with me, and I happen to agree with you.
Woody: I mean, standing around tending bar all day is like the worst thing a dancer could do for his calves.
Carla: Speaking of calves, Woody, was it painful when the cow kicked you in the head?
Woody: You get used to it.

Quote from Norm

Norm: And, uh, here's his bedroom.
Rebecca: [gasps in awe] I feel kind of queasy. Like I don't belong here. Like I'm doing something wrong.
Norm: I know. That's how I feel in my bedroom.

Quote from Carla

Frasier: Yes, you see, it's an established psychological fact that the more outrageous a lie one tells, the more readily will the victim believe it. You see, if you told Mr. Drake a sufficiently outlandish story, odds are he'd buy it.
Woody: No, that's impossible.
Carla: No, Woody, it's a stroke of genius. Frasier, you're brilliant. That is one of the most brilliant ideas you've ever had. And you've had a lot of brilliant ideas.
Frasier: Thank you, Carla.
Carla: See, Woody? It works. Bonehead bought it.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Anyway, this is my fantasy, sir. It's a little outrageous. So, uh, just stay with me. Even though I was born poor and I'll never be a rich man, somehow, it wouldn't make any difference if one time, sir, just one time, just one darn time, I could do something symbolic, like carry a rich man across the lawn in his pajamas.
Evan Drake: Come here.
Norm: I know, I know, I know, it sounds crazy, I know. Sir, no. Sir, I don't have a fever.
Evan Drake: No, I know that. I'm feeling for the lobotomy scar.
Norm: Sir, sir, please. Sir, please, please. All right, all right, all right, all right! Look, if I actually let you do it..
Norm: Uh-huh.
Evan Drake: Would you promise me- Would you swear on your mother's grave that you would let me sleep?
Norm: Yes, sir, I swear. I prom-
Evan Drake: No, no, no, no, no. You've got to do more than promise. You've got to give me your solemn oath as a crazy person.
Norm: My oath, my vow, my pledge. I promise you.
Evan Drake: All right, okay. [Drake gets out of bed]
Norm: Thank you so much, sir.
Evan Drake: All right.
Norm: Thank you, thank you very much, sir. [Norm lifts Drake into his arms] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much, sir. You know, sir, I don't mean to flatter you, but you're very firm for your age.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: You know something, chaps, I had a particularly fascinating session this morning. [silence] No, honestly. Someone I was seeing for the first time. Extraordinarily beautiful, young woman, who's uh, rather unique malaise is to be aroused with sexual frenzy by... Oh, good Lord. Excuse me. I don't really think I should be discussing my patients here. [everyone follows Frasier]
Sam: Uh, how about discussing them over here?
Frasier: Well, I suppose it wouldn't violate any doctor-patient confidentiality if I don't use names. Pour the beer, Woody.
Woody: I thought you weren't going to use any names, Dr. Crane.
Sam: Woody.
Frasier: Well, it seems this woman has her passions inflamed by men who dance.
Sam: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Men who dance? That's weird.
Frasier: What's even more bizarre, is that she will catapult herself compulsively into the arms of any man in tights or tap shoes. Fascinating fixation.
Sam: Huh.
Frasier: Ooh, geez. I've got to go. I'm sorry.
Sam: Where you going?
Frasier: My ballet class. No, no, lunch, lunch. That was a little psychological humor. You know, as my old professor used to say, if you can't laugh at your patients, what fun are they? See you later.

Quote from Rebecca

Norm: You know, uh, I am over there all by myself, so if you want to drop by and, uh, check any of the house out, I can get you in.
Rebecca: No. I can't.
Carla: Oh, go on. You're dying to look in his drawers. That's right, he won't be there.
Rebecca: The last thing on my mind is Evan Drake and where he sleeps. Now, I don't want to be distracted. I've got to get these figures into the bed of directors- Board of directors.
Norm: Shall we say in one hour?
Rebecca: I'll be there.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Uh, excuse me. Uh, you had a session with him? Are you a patient of his?
Jennifer: That's right. Why?
Sam: Oh, just curious. [dances as he clears up a table]
Jennifer: Well, it's not that important. I just thought if I caught him, I could still get my package back.
[Sam puts the glasses on the bar with pinache]
Sam: I understand perfectly.
Jennifer: Well, I'm out of luck, I guess. I'll just have to stop by tomorrow.
[Sam raises his leg onto the barre]
Sam: [sings] Gotta dance, gotta dance
Jennifer: Why are you doing that?
Sam: This? Oh? [chuckling] I guess it's kind of an old reflex with us hoofers.
Jennifer: Oh. You're a dancer?
Sam: Well, kind of. Yeah, my name's Sam Malone but people call me Bojangles.

Quote from Norm

Evan Drake: Ah, Norm there you are.
Norm: Hi, sir. What are you doing here, sir?
Evan Drake: Oh, I wound up everything in a marathon session. I haven't slept for three days.
Norm: Three days. Let me take you out for a cup of coffee, sir.
Evan Drake: No, no, no. All I want to do is sleep for about a week.
Butler: Should I get your pajamas, sir?
Norm: No!
Evan Drake: No?
Norm: No. Oh, I thought you meant my pajamas. No, they're, uh, they're too far away from here and I don't even think they'd fit Mr. Drake.

Quote from Norm

Evan Drake: I thought you were going to fix that.
Norm: Oh, yeah, that squeak. I'm going to fix that squeak, sir. You should go to another room. I may need to use the jaws of life.
Evan Drake: Uh, no, just leave it, will ya? As a matter of fact, forget the painting thing, too. I'm a light sleeper, and I don't want to hear you rattling your paint cans.
Norm: Well, that's one thing I've never been accused of, sir, is rattling my cans.
Evan Drake: Please, I mean it, Norm. Scoot. Huh?
Norm: Yes, sir. [shouting] So you're a really light sleeper, sir?
Evan Drake: Yes, but I have excellent hearing, Norm.
Norm: Yeah, most light sleepers do. That's what makes them light sleepers.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Sammy, I hear you got a sure thing lined up, huh?
Sam: Mm, no, I never like to use the term "sure thing." I prefer the term "in the bag." [Cliff scoffs] What? What?
Cliff: Ah, Sammy, come on. Isn't this, you know, pretending to be a phony-bologna dancer a little bit beneath you? I mean, when I go picking up girls, I don't need all that stuff. All I need is a wink and a smile.
Carla: And a rag doused with chloroform.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Mr. Drake! Mr. Drake, sir!
Butler: Sorry, sir, but Mr. Peterson said it was an emergency.
Evan Drake: What? Emergency?
Norm: Yeah, structural, Evan. It's just a damn good thing I went back and checked those blueprints. This ceiling could go at any second.
Evan Drake: Ceiling?
Norm: Yeah, it's a crack, sir. It extends all the way into, uh, here... [opens closet]
Rebecca: [hushed] Get me out of here.
Evan Drake: What crack? There's nothing wrong with that ceiling.
Norm: I'm only thinking of your safety, sir. Now, I'd feel much better if you slept in a different room.
Evan Drake: Peterson, get out. And close that closet door.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: So you just left her in the closet?
Norm: [sighs heavily] I had a foolproof plan to get her out of there and the whole thing got spoiled by this anal-retentive butler.
Woody: Mr. Peterson, you gotta get her out of there.
Norm: Oh. How did I get myself into this? I should have never become a house painter. I should have listened to my mother and become a matador.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Where's Frasier, man? I gotta talk to him.
Carla: Where's your date?
Sam: She's at my apartment. I told her I was going out for some ice. I don't know, something's wrong here. I've been dancing my brains out and nothing, zilch. Frasier, you know that, that beautiful girl you were treating this morning?
Frasier: I treated two beautiful women this morning, Sam. Which one?
Sam: The one that had the hots for the dancers.
Frasier: Yes, why?
Sam: Well, uh, you didn't cure her, by any chance, did you?
Frasier: You don't just "cure" someone overnight. Most patients require dozens of costly sessions to make even minimal progress. God, I love this profession.
Sam: Well, I don't know. Something's wrong. Maybe it's my dancing. You treated two beautiful girls this morning? What did you treat the other one for?
Frasier: Um, pyromania.
Sam: Pyro... pyromania. Pyro... [distant sirens wailing]

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