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‘Personal Business’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Personal Business

203. Personal Business

Aired October 20, 1983

When Diane quits Cheers after Carla complains that Sam is playing favorites, finding a job turns out to be more difficult than she expected.

Quote from Diane

Sam: "Dear Sam. Although my tenure here has been one of value and enlightenment, still..."
Diane: Il faut cultiver notre jardin.
Sam: Come on! First of all, nobody resigns from a bar. And second of all, nobody resigns in Latin.
Cliff: It's French, Sammy.
Coach: What does it mean, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, because of the idiomatic peculiarities, it can't really be translated into English.
Diane: "One must cultivate one's own garden."
Cliff: Oh, oh, oh. Well, Diane, you took some liberties with the derogatory tense there, but I think we'll let it slide this time, huh?

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Quote from Coach

Sam: You know, what the hell's this about? Is this because I didn't take your side against Carla?
Diane: No, Sam. The problem with Carla is only a symptom. You see, it's abundantly clear to me that our working together is making our lives miserable and it can only get worse.
Coach: Diane, you just can't leave like that. I mean, we should have a party, you know. Some booze, a lot of pretzels, some munchies, get a lot of people together.
Norm: Coach, you mean kind of like this?
Coach: Well, I guess that's goodbye, Diane.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Carla, what's the matter, sweetheart? Are you all right?
Carla: Don't you see? My life hasn't exactly been a bag of roses, you know. My old man used to beat me. I spent half my childhood in reform school. My husband was a rat who left me with four hungry mouths to feed. But this... makes up for all that. I am the happiest woman alive.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam? I was just thinking
Sam: Oh, yeah? I tried that once. Never cared for it.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Now, how can I come back knowing you think of me as nothing but your handmaiden?
Sam: You know, Diane it gets me the way you women are always talking about sex on the job. I mean, as if you were the only victims. What about me?
Diane: What about you?
Sam: You telling me you took this job because you wanted to be a waitress?
Diane: Absolutely not. I- I had a burning desire to discover and explore this vein of American culture.
Sam: Bull! You had a burning desire to discover and explore Mount Sammy here.
Diane: What are you saying?
Sam: I'm saying you took this job because I'm here. You had sex on your mind, too.
Diane: That's not true! Not entirely true!
Sam: Yeah? Well, how do you think it makes me feel to know that the first time you saw me you undressed me with your eyes. You had no regard for my dignity as a man, as an employer. I was just a challenge to you. Another notch on your belt. Well, let me tell you something, Miss Chambers. I am a person. I have dignity too, you know. I know you have no regard for this job. And you continually tell me that I have the brain of a cucumber. So what's left? The only thing that's left is that you want your physical lust satisfied. And that's where I come in. [Diane chuckles as Sam buries his face in his arm]
Diane: Well, there's only one thing to do.
Sam: I know, I know. I'll undress and do my duty.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Dylan Thomas, Delmore Schwartz, Fitzgerald, Faulkner they all virtually drank themselves to death. Gone before their time. So, can I get you another round?
Carla: Ugh, Diane's mouth has sprung a leak again.
Man: Excuse me? We have to leave. Could we get our waitress now, please?
Carla: Sure.
[Carla walks over to Diane at another table]
Diane: Here's my theory on the relationship between alcohol and genius. Writing is a very lonely profession. You know- [Carla grabs Diane by the face] Ugh. Excuse me for a moment.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Diane: Norman!
Coach: Would you like a beer, Norm?
Norm: I'd like to see something in a size 54 sudsy.
Sam: So how's life treating you there, Norm?
Norm: The same.
Cliff: Oh, that's too bad, Norm.
Norm: If not worse.

Quote from Diane

Diane: No, you've shown me the light. I've been a cad. OK. I propose that you and I abstain from any sort of physical contact for a period of one month. Strictly business for one month. I think that's the only way that each of us can regain our self-respect.
Sam: I think that's a very good idea. It would help me out a lot.
Diane: Fine. One month it is. Mr. Malone.
Sam: Miss Chambers. Oh, there is- There is just one more thing. I think... Please, have a seat. I think that my self-respect bounces back just a little quicker than you expect. I think two weeks of strictly business, and I'll be back in peak shape. You know, maybe if I concentrate, one week.
Diane: Well, I believe that my recuperative powers are even greater than yours. A day would be fine with me.
Sam: You know, I think the important thing here is that we both know in our minds that we could stop. I think that an hour would certainly prove that.
Diane: Well, from that argument it follows that 15 minutes would be adequate.
Sam: You know, I believe that's just enough time to get to my place.
Diane: Let's hurry.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Carla, I've told you before, keep your hands off Diane.
Carla: I will if you will.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Well, since you don't feel strongly about it, maybe Sam would like to decide for us.
Carla: Ha! I'd rather flip a coin. At least that way I'd have a chance.
Sam: What is that supposed to mean, please?
Carla: It means that since you two started, you know... She gets away with things the rest of us wouldn't.
Diane: I beg your pardon!
Sam: Carla, maybe you're right. Maybe I have been too easy on her. I'll take her in the back room and teach her some obedience.
Carla: I've got no feelings about what you two do in private. No matter how disgusting, sickening and putrid it is. I just don't think the rest of us should suffer for it.

Quote from Norm

Coach: What's wrong, Normie?
Norm: Nothing. Just a little personal problem.
Carla: If it's anything you wanna talk about...
Norm: Nah, I thought I'd kind of sit here and let it gnaw at my gut for a while.
Cliff: Now, Normie, come on. You're among friends here.
Sam: If you can't talk to us, who can you talk to?
Cliff: That's right.
Norm: Not Vera, that's for sure. She and I have split.
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry, man.
Coach: What happened, Norm? What caused it?
Norm: She said we no longer communicate, that I never listen to her, a bunch of other stuff. Yak, yak, yak.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Well, cheer up, Norm, maybe maybe this'll be good for you somehow.
Norm: Yeah?
Sam: Yeah, absolutely. Look at it this way. You are a free man now, Norm.
Norm: A carefree bachelor. [chuckles] Yeah, I do have a pad now.
Sam: Hey, where is it?
Norm: You know that big beautiful building down by the waterfront?
Coach: Holy mackerel.
Norm: You take a left there, you drive for about a half an hour... Don't come at night.

Quote from Diane

Sam: You know, I'm sorry. I think this is a mistake. I mean, it's a tough town out there... Norm, am I right?
Norm: Most employers wouldn't spit on you if your hair was on fire.
Carla: Oh, but you'll make it, kid. I know you will. You've got moxie.
Diane: I know. I know. You all think I'm nothing but a hot house orchid, unequipped to survive in anything but a rarefied atmosphere. Well, I'll have you know, there's weed in me.
Carla: [claps] What a farewell speech. It went on exactly the right length. Any more would have been too much of a good thing.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, hey, hey. You're really going to do this, aren't you?
Diane: Sam, I'm doing this for us.
Sam: Really?
Diane: Yes. Now don't you want to spend your nights with a woman who's fulfilled, independent, self-actualized?
Sam: I suppose it's worth a shot. You got her number?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: So, what's going on here, Norm? You been looking for months and Diane goes out there, snags a job in a couple of weeks?
Norm: Well, it's easier for girls. Hey, if God had made me a woman, I'd never be out of work.
Cliff: Well, yeah, as long as there are carnivals.

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