Quote from Sam's Women
Diane: Sam, do yourself a favor. Go back to your tootsies and your rat parts. I'd hate to see the bowling alleys close on my account.
Sam: Hey, hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you saying that I'm too dumb to date smart women?
Diane: I'm saying that it would be very difficult for you. A really intelligent woman would see your line of BS a mile away.
Sam: You think so?
Diane: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Sam: You know, well, I've never met an intelligent woman that I'd want to date.
Diane: On behalf of the intelligent women around the world, may I just say... Phew.
Quote from No Help Wanted
Diane: Sam, now, it's true, hiring Norman has emotional overtones. But without emotions, the mind becomes a stagnant pond. And let's face it, in your case, we're not exactly dealing with white water rapids in the first place.
Quote from Power Play
Diane: I am sorry that you're all so cynical that you can't accept Sam and me. Well, it doesn't bother us. We believe in us, right, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, you bet. It's going to be great. I may have to work harder on this one, but it's going to be worth it.
Diane: Thank you, Sam.
Sam: You're welcome.
Diane: Now, if you will excuse us, we are going to go out and begin our lives together. There's more to heaven and earth than is dreamt of in your beer mugs.
Quote from Sam Turns the Other Cheek
Diane: So that was your act of heroism? Mayday's moment of truth? Getting shot in the fanny while in flight from a jealous husband.
Sam: Hey, now, wait! Who said I was running away?
Diane: How else do you explain the location of your wound?
Sam: Well, I could have been coming at him and turned a somersault to throw off his aim.
Diane: You know, you're very lucky that you didn't get any brain damage.
Quote from Whodunit?
Sam: Hey, Diane. Psst. You know, I've been thinking...
Diane: Have you? The odds makers take a beating again.
Quote from Save the Last Dance for Me
Diane: Well, I think I can help you out. Have a seat. A good conversationalist is usually a good listener. I've found that people love to talk about themselves.
Diane: Oh, yes. People have an endless fascination with their own little world. It's an observation I made as a small child, although I've never understood why it holds true. l, myself, have always found many more interesting topics to talk about. Of course, I've always made it a point to broaden my horizons. [Woody keeps checking his watch] As a matter of fact, I was reading the New York Times at the age of 4. And from then, on to the classics. Of course, it caused some hardships as a youngster, always being far and away the brightest in the class.
[As Diane goes to get a carton of milk, Woody leaves the bar and Cliff takes his seat]
Diane: Usually, the brightest in the class is regarded as some sort of a pimply faced egghead. I'm sorry, Clifford, what was your question again?
Quote from Everyone Imitates Art
Diane: This is one of the most amateurish, hackneyed, odious pieces of effluvium ever to wash down the pike. Listen to this drivel. "l fly through a puckish arena, where echoes dance, where echoes dance, where echoes dance" This sounds familiar.
Norm: Well, you said it three times.
Diane: This poem is plagiarized.
Sam: Oh, now I stole it? And a minute ago, you said it stunk.
Diane: It does stink. Leave it to you to not have the sense to steal something worthwhile.
Sam: Aw, you know, I realize that it's tough to have somebody come along and swipe your dreams of glory, so I will not take offense at that remark.
Diane: That poem is fraudulent, and I intend to find its true source, even if I have to search through every greeting card to do so. [Sam laughs] Believe me, Sam Malone, I will not rest until today, the blackest day in the history of literature, is blotted out for all eternity.
Quote from Power Play
Diane: I know that you must be curious about what Sam and I were talking about. We want to be totally honest with you. Um... [clears throat] It is said that fools rush in where wise men fear to tread. But the heart has a wisdom of its own and Sam and I have decided to traverse the fall line of our aloneness.
Carla: What's she talking about, Sammy?
Sam: I don't know. Is this what we were talking about in there?
Diane: Of course.
Sam: Uh, Diane and I have decided we're going to start messing around.
Quote from Personal Business
Sam: "Dear Sam. Although my tenure here has been one of value and enlightenment, still..."
Diane: Il faut cultiver notre jardin.
Sam: Come on! First of all, nobody resigns from a bar. And second of all, nobody resigns in Latin.
Cliff: It's French, Sammy.
Coach: What does it mean, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, because of the idiomatic peculiarities, it can't really be translated into English.
Diane: "One must cultivate one's own garden."
Cliff: Oh, oh, oh. Well, Diane, you took some liberties with the derogatory tense there, but I think we'll let it slide this time, huh?
Quote from How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back
Diane: This is the way I describe our relationship. It's more than like. Beyond fondness. Verging on deep affection. There's a vital physical component, bordering on the passionate. However, it has not reached the level at which we will abandon our reservations about a complete commitment. Well, that's how I see things.
Diane: Ditto? You're telling me I waited a week for "ditto"?
Sam: You took my answer. [Diane goes to leave] All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No more stalling. No more stalling. I'll just tell you right here. I couldn't come up with anything. I'm sorry. I really wanted to do this. I don't understand. I'm usually so good under pressure, but I just drew a blank. Honey, I have no idea why we're together.
Diane: [sobs] Sam, neither do l.
Sam: You don't?
Diane: I don't have a clue.
Sam: Well, what about what you just said?
Diane: Oh, I read it in a book. It sounded nice, but it's not us. Is it?
Sam: I don't know. I wasn't listening.
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