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‘Madame LaCarla’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Madame LaCarla

1003. Madame LaCarla

Aired October 3, 1991

Carla's psychic, Madame Lazora, announces her retirement and wants Carla to replace her. Meanwhile, Woody gets a bad review after appearing in a local show.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: I got something to add to the conversation. If a 100-megaton warhead detonated over the city of Boston, the results would be so horrific that the survivors would envy the dead.
Norm: We weren't having a conversation, Cliff.
Cliff: Well! Then food for thought.

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Quote from Cliff

Woody: Well, it's probably best you didn't come last night. I've still got to iron out a few bugs.
Cliff: Well, all I can tell you, Woody, is that Ma loved the play. Yeah, I mean, there's something about the idea of sweet old ladies being cold-blooded murderesses. Just seemed to tickle her funny bone. [laughs] All the way home she just laughed and laughed. Matter of fact, I woke up at 3:00 a.m., and there she was sitting in my room in a rocking chair rocking back and forth, staring at me and making this low, guttural chuckle. Boy, does she love the theater.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Whoa! I'm gonna be a psychic! Who could have predicted that?

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: Woody, you opened last night in Arsenic and Old Lace. Why didn't you tell me so I could go?
Woody: I did tell you, Miss Howe. I told you dozens of times and I sent you an invitation with a cute, little cartoon of me drawn on it. You said you were going to be there and I reserved a seat for you in the front row.
Rebecca: Oh! Then I was sick.
Woody: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you feeling better?
Rebecca: Hmm, so-so.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Oh, Madame Lazora.
Madame Lazora: I sense the tortured anguish of many lost souls screaming for release.
Norm: Uh, that's probably me. I had kielbasa for breakfast.

Quote from Norm

Carla: Sam, you're smothering me here. Get the lady a drink.
Madame Lazora: I'd like a beer, please.
Norm: Oh, wow, she read my mind.

Quote from Sam

Carla: You're thinking about your car.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: You're thinking about some babe.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Oh, wait a minute. Give me a minute. I can do this. Just give me a chance. [sighs] You're thinking about your hair.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Come on, Sam, that's everything you ever think about!
Sam: That's not true. I think about other things.
Carla: Yeah? Like what?
Sam: Well, I was thinking about what happened at the end of Planet of the Apes. I fell asleep.
Cliff: Uh, uh, Sammie, Chuck Heston found the decayed ruins of the Statue of Liberty.
Sam: What are you saying? You're saying he was on Planet Earth the whole time? Whoa!

Quote from Frasier

Woody: How do you explain that, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Why ask me, Woody? I mean, do I know something that no one else knows? I mean, we all saw what we saw. I mean, do you enjoy having me explain every little thing that happens? You know, I mean, "Let's ask the esteemed Dr. Crane. Yeah, see, he'll know." Well, I'm sorry, Woody. I have no answer for you! Frankly, I'm, I'm downright scared. To tell the truth, I got, I got a little creeped out when she got that dog's name.
Sam: Frasier, Frasier, calm down, man, l... I lied. I just didn't want to hurt her feelings.
Frasier: I knew that. Sam, can I have a, a scotch?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Carla, would you like to talk about it?
Carla: No.
Frasier: Well, then, would you like me to show you the correct fingering for "Greensleeves"?
Carla: She's a fake. Madame Lazora is a fraud. All these years she's been nothing but a fake.
Frasier: I am sorry, Carla. I don't suppose this is an appropriate moment to say "I told you so."
Carla: No, this is the perfect moment to say it.
Frasier: I told you so.
Carla: I can't believe it.
Frasier: I know I can, but then again, I did tell you so.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Carla, your psychic called.
Carla: Madame Lazora called me?
Rebecca: Yeah, she's coming by today.
Carla: Madame Lazora is coming by?
Rebecca: Maybe she just wants to say hello.
Carla: Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. Madame Lazora does not just say hello. She must have had a horrible premonition of me getting hurt or killed or... or pregnant.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: Look, Carla, if you're really concerned what this charlatan has to say, why don't you just call her?
Carla: Yeah, you're right, Doc. I might as well just get it over with. Wait a minute. What if she was calling me to warn me to keep away from telephones? What if she's seen a vision of me horribly disfigured in a telephone accident?
Frasier: Carla, don't be ridiculous.
[As Woody walks in from the back room, he is caught by the neck on a telephone cord as a man uses the pay phone]
Norm: Woody, you okay?
Woody: Oh, I don't know, Mr. Peterson. Uh, this is bad. I can't breathe. I can't move.
Man: [enters] Hey, Woody, your review is out.
Woody: It is?! [runs up] Oh, boy! Oh, boy! I can't wait to read it!

Quote from Woody

Woody: Uh, what does he say about me?
Norm: And he sort of goes on and on.
Woody: No, no, go ahead, read it. I can take it.
Norm: "Woody Boyd is weak."
Woody: "Weak"? Is that all? Not handsome and weak?
Frasier: Well, Woody, you know what they say, "There's no such thing as bad press as long as they spell your name right."
Lilith: Actually, it says "Woody Doyb is weak."

Quote from Norm

Sam: Madame Lazora, let me go get Carla; she's gonna want to see you right away. She's been kind of worried.
Madame Lazora: I sensed she would be worried.
Cliff: How did she know?
Norm: Amazing.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Just tell me it's going to be quick and painless.
Madame Lazora: I don't understand.
Carla: You don't foresee a hideous disaster in my future?
Madame Lazora: Of course I do, but that's not why I'm here.

Quote from Carla

Madame Lazora: I have decided to retire and move to Florida at the end of the year. I see myself on Miami Beach with those muscular cabana boys.
Sam: See? I told you there's nothing to worry about.
Carla: "Nothing to worry about"? Madame Lazora has been my spiritual advisor since I was 17 years old. Without her my life would've been a complete disaster.
Sam: Honey, I thought your...
Carla: Well, it could have been worse.

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