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‘Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses

1123. Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses

Aired May 6, 1993

Rebecca becomes quickly infatuated with Mr. Gaines after he invites her to a classical music performance at his mansion. Meanwhile, Cliff feels guilty after moving his mother into a retirement community, but Carla, Norm and Paul start to question Esther's true whereabouts.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: How's life treating you, Norm?
Norm: Well, Sammy, it's not. So I sure hope you are.

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Quote from Cliff

Sam: Hey, Cliffie, how're you doing?
Cliff: Not well, Sam. Boy, am I mad! I've never been this upset! Boy, three words, fellas. Three words: Dames is grief.
Norm: Fighting with Ma, huh?
Cliff: Oh, and how. It seems like that's all we do anymore. You know, you'd think it'd be a perfect set-up mother and a grown son living in a one bedroom apartment. But no. Reality check, gentlemen. Life is not like the movies, I guess, huh?
Sam: I'm sure it'll all blow over, Cliffie.
Cliff: No, no way, Sammy, not this time. I tell you that broad's pushed me too hard. Too hard, I tell you. It's about time I started pushing back. She's just gone and created a monster, that's all. But this monster is not gonna lie in some tomb of ice. No, sirree. My anger will melt that ice, so that I might rise up and, and crush the Tokyo of the buildings there beneath the talons of my animosity...
Frasier: Cliff, Cliff. We all appreciate how hard you're working on this metaphor, but we get the idea.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Cliff: Well, here we are. Oh, Ma! Look at this! Even better than the picture in the brochure.
Esther Clavin: Yes, I expect I'll be perfectly delighted once I stop weeping and feeling carsick.
Cliff: Aw, come on, Ma, the ride wasn't that bad.
Esther Clavin: You drive too fast. All young people do. I've often said, "A lot of needless accidents could be avoided if they'd just raise the legal driving age to 50."

Quote from Carla

Woody: Well, he said he had a job to take care of at home.
Carla: Yeah, a little digging in the backyard, maybe. Getting rid of the murder weapon.
Frasier: Come on, Carla. I can't believe you people are still pursuing that paranoid fantasy about Cliff.
Carla: It's no fantasy, Frasier. And isn't it interesting that you're the one who keeps defending him?
Frasier: Well, I'm not defending him. I'm merely saying...
Carla: Where is Lilith these days, anyhow? Has anyone here heard from Lilith lately?
Norm: Oh, come on, Carla, lay off.
Carla: And what about Vera, Norm? Where is Vera?
Paul: Carla.
Carla: And has anyone ever seen Paul's alleged ex? You're all sick. It's an evil conspiracy. A bunch of frustrated men who slaughter women and then chop up their bodies in the dead of night! Oh, man! I'd better have a date pretty soon or I'm gonna start turning weird.

Quote from Kelly

Sam: Say, Kelly, you go to a lot of those classical concert things, don't you? Do you really enjoy them?
Kelly: Oh, I love them, Sam. I just sit there and let my mind become a total blank.
Sam: How, how do you do that?
Kelly: How do I do what?
Sam: You have a nice dinner, Kelly. Why don't you order some protein, sweetheart.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: How do I look?
Sam: Wow! You're dressed a little fancy, aren't you, to go over to some guy's house and listen to some music?
Rebecca: First of all, it is not a house. It is a stately mansion. And secondly, it is not "some guy." It is Mr. Gaines, the man I adore.
Sam: "Adore?" Come on, what are you doing? You don't even know the guy's first name, do you?
Rebecca: It's Mister. And if I play my cards right tonight, I might just become Mrs. Mr. Gaines. Just think of it, Sam. Starting tonight I am no longer the old Rebecca Howe. I am the new Rebecca Howe. This is going to be the start...
Both: Of a whole new life for me.
Rebecca: Have I said that before?
Sam: Only about a thousand times.
Both: Well, this time it's different. Wow.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: Honey, you're doing it again. You're going completely overboard. You do this time and time again. And I just, I don't want to see you get hurt.
Rebecca: You're right. I'm rushing into things again, aren't l?
Sam: Yeah. Listen, listen, it- It's just a simple date, right? You're going over to a guy's house and you listen to a little music.
Rebecca: That's right, I'm just listening to a little music.
Sam: Yeah.
Rebecca: And I do like some classical music. l, I... maybe they'll play Wagner. I like Wagner. What's that catchy little tune that he has that I like? Oh, I know. [hums "Wedding March"]
Sam: You're doing it...

Quote from Frasier

Norm: Where's Woody?
Sam: Oh, his father-in-law took him and Kelly to see the Boston Symphony.
Norm: Ah!
Sam: Probably thought Woody needed a little musical culture.
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: The Boston Symphony is offering "Mahler's Third" this evening, one of my absolute favorites. It always brings salt water to Lilith's eyes. Tears to you and me, saline secretions to her.

Quote from Carla

Carla: I knew this day would come. Clavin whacked his mother.
Norm: Come on, Carla. He said she was "out in the car."
Carla: Yeah, and soon she'll be out in the woods.
Norm: Yeah, well, maybe she's getting her own place, you know?
Carla: Yeah, she's probably getting a lot of places. Especially after the bears dig her up.
Frasier: Oh, knock it off, Carla. Cliff didn't kill anybody.
Paul: Why not? What do we really know about him?
Carla: We know he is weird.
Norm: He's weird, but he's not that weird. Look, to kill his mother, he'd have to be some kind of slobbering, degenerate dual-personality psychopath.
Carla: Anybody got a problem with that?

Quote from Esther Clavin

Cliff: Oh, come on, Ma. You know I'm just doing what's best for you. [groans] Come on, Ma. We've both got to be strong about this.
Esther Clavin: I suppose you're right.
Cliff: Well, you're darned tootin', I'm right. I mean, you're gonna have a lot of fun here, Ma. The brochure says the day's crammed with activities. You'll play bingo to your heart's content. You'll make new friends. These are your golden years.
Esther Clavin: Oh, bless your heart. You've given me what every mother dreams of... a tastefully furnished room in which to die among strangers.
Cliff: Ma, come on. We're, we're gonna be strong, remember? Now, is there anything you need?
Esther Clavin: Well, you could keep my garden up. I think there are a couple of bags left of that steer manure you gave me last Mothers' Day.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, Sam, I want to talk about Ma. We've been fighting a lot lately, and, uh, we've decided... [voice breaking] That she should go live in a retirement community. [sobbing] And, aw, Sammy, I'm the worst son in the world!
Sam: Oh, man, hey, uh, listen, all- all, all families... Do me a favor, do you want to sit on the desk? All right. Uh, all- All families go through this, Cliffie. Uh, you know, I think you're doing the right thing. Uh, uh, you know, you know, I'll bet she's going to be real happy, right? I mean, you picked a nice place.
Cliff: Oh, yeah. A real nice place. Famous, too. It was profiled on 60 Minutes. You know, a couple weeks later, they went back and did a follow-up even.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: I guess I won't be taking her home after all.
George: I thought not.
Cliff: Yeah. Yeah, I'm just gonna go have another peek.
George: Oh, and... And, Mr. Clavin, while you're here, your mother's insurance doesn't entirely cover her expenses. I assume that, uh, you'll want to take care of the remainder?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Just send me the bill.
George: Well, here's what it comes to for the first year. Honestly, the cost of running this place just keeps going up and up. Well, you can't put a price on a mother's happiness.
[After George walks away, Cliff takes a look at the bill, walks into the dance hall and comes out with Esther over his shoulders]
Esther Clavin: [screams] Oh, Clifford! Put me down! What are you doing?!
Cliff: I'm getting you out of this hell hole, Ma!

Quote from Woody

Woody: [watch beeping] Oh! Good thing I set my watch, otherwise I would've forgot something very important I have to do right at this very minute.
Norm: Yeah, what's that, Wood? [Woody is stumped]
Frasier: Did you need to take some medication?
Woody: No.
Cliff: Well, uh maybe you're supposed to call somebody, huh?
Woody: No. No...
Frasier: Perhaps you had an appointment?
Woody: Maybe if I just don't think about it, it'll come to me.
Norm: I wouldn't worry about it, Wood. As you get older, you know, the memory starts to go a bit. Myself, I was thinking about maybe signing up for one of those memory classes.
Woody: That's it, my memory class! Today's graduation. Oh, where'd I park? Oh, yeah. See, it's working.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: "Mahler's Third" takes over an hour and a half by itself. The adagio alone is endless.
Frasier: I beg your pardon. Since when do you know anything about classical music?
Rebecca: Since I was two years old. My mother was a concert cellist. I used to turn the pages for her while she was practicing. And I loathe Mahler.
Frasier: Well, it must have been very enriching to have a mother who played the cello.
Rebecca: Like hell. Her food tasted like rosin, and every time I tried to sit on her lap, I fell through.

Quote from Kelly

Rebecca: Uh, Kelly? Kelly, is your, is your dad seeing anyone special?
Kelly: No, and I wish he were. Since the divorce, he just mopes around the house. I sure wish he'd meet someone wonderful.
Rebecca: Oh, so do l. For you, I mean. You know, Kelly, isn't it rough on you, not having a mother around? [combs Kelly's hair] I mean, you don't even have a stepmother. Somebody to chat with, and to share things with, and to confide and tell all your special little secrets to.
Kelly: Boy, I'll say. Like there's this thing Woody does when we make love. Now tell me if you think this is normal...
Rebecca: Let's just save it. Let- Let- I think your soup's getting cold. Come on, honey. Go on upstairs. Bye-bye.

Quote from Paul

Frasier: I can't believe I'm hearing this! If you really think Cliff is capable of murdering his mother, why do you remain his friends?
Paul: He's my ride.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Cliff: Well, I was just in a hurry to get you to this beautiful retirement community.
Esther Clavin: I'll say.
Cliff: Talk about luxury, huh? Oh! That bed, that's... That's practically king-sized.
Esther Clavin: King Richard III, wasn't he the dwarf?
Cliff: Oh, what do we got here? Whoa, look at this, Ma! You've got a beautiful view of the woods here. Boy, oh, boy. You know, when I see a place like this, I... I almost wish I was retired.
Esther Clavin: Clifford, are you sure we can afford a place like this?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, but don't worry, your insurance policies will cover it.
Esther Clavin: Oh, that's convenient. You'll have money left for hooch and slatterns.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: [crying]
Cliff: Ma, will you stop that?
Esther Clavin: All right, good-bye. [sobs]
Cliff: Ma!
Esther Clavin: What? I'm just standing here.
Cliff: You're making those noises.
Esther Clavin: I don't hear any noises. It must be your guilty conscience. You run along. I expect they'll be here any minute to prep me for my lobotomy.
Cliff: Ma, you're not going to make me feel guilty. Now, I'm gonna leave, and I'll see you next visitors' day.
Esther Clavin: Bring cigarettes. They're money in these places, you know.

Quote from Paul

Carla: Presto.
Paul: Wow, that's a nifty gismo for cracking locks, Carla. Where'd you get it?
Carla: My kid made it in Shop for Mothers' Day.
Norm: I don't feel right, breaking into Cliff's place like this.
Carla: Yeah, well, we've got to do it now while he's out driving. It's the only way we're gonna find out what happened to his mother.
Paul: Yeah, besides, it's kind of exciting, isn't it? You know, I always used to dream of being a sophisticated, international jewel thief, leaping catlike from balcony to balcony.

Quote from Paul

Carla: We've got to see if we can find any trace of that poor woman. Look at this place, give me the creeps. Look, Paul, go see what's in there, okay?
Paul: Oh, it's just a head.
Carla: [gasps] Oh!
Norm: Oh, relax. It's another word for "bathroom." It's an old navy term.
Carla: You were in the navy?
Paul: Mess cook. That dream came true.

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