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They Called Me Mayday

‘They Called Me Mayday’

Season 2, Episode 9 -  Aired December 1, 1983

When Dick Cavett stops by the bar, he encourages Sam to write a book about his playing days. Meanwhile, Norm's old rival sets his eyes on Vera.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Boy, I feel terrific.
Carla: Been exercising, Coach?
Coach: Yeah, I just came back from doing some laps in the pool.
Carla: How many are you up to?
Coach: Three. Takes about an hour.
Cliff: Coach, that's kind of slow, isn't it?
Coach: Well, I could run a hell of a lot faster if they got the water out of there.
Cliff: Well, you know what they say, Coach. Healthy body, healthy mind. Pick one you've got a good shot at.

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Quote from Sam

Sam: I used to watch him on PBS.
Diane: You watch PBS?
Sam: Sure. There was that one show I used to love in particular.
Diane: Which one?
Sam: Well, the one with all the girls answering the phones.

Quote from Carla

Carla: That is the stupidest exercise system I ever saw.
Cliff: Yeah, stupid like a fox.
Norm: How do you keep so trim, Carla?
Carla: Sex.
Coach: You mean sex is the greatest exercise?
Carla: No. I miss it so much I can't eat.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Hey, Normie, what's the long face for?
Norm: You guys don't know Wally like I do. He moves fast. I wonder if Vera will let me kiss the bride at their wedding.
Coach: I'm sure she will, Normie.
Norm: She didn't at ours. Course, I didn't try that hard.

Quote from Coach

Sam: Coach, we don't want to be bothered.
Coach: Who does?

Quote from Diane

Diane: Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing you're Dick Cavett.
Dick Cavett: Ah, well, I couldn't help being Dick Cavett.
Diane: Ah, wit. My ears hunger for it. Being an aspiring poetess, I of course enjoyed your interviews with all those wonderful writers and poets. I will never forget the night when that Russian poet decided to defect right on your stage.
Dick Cavett: Yeah, that was a great moment. Upset the cleaning crew a little.
Diane: [chuckles] Oh, you goose! So what brings you to our hostelry?
Dick Cavett: Well, if you must know, and I gather you must, I'm doing a book-signing party over at the Copley Plaza.
Diane: Yes. Yes, your new book. It's wonderful.
Dick Cavett: Have you read it?
Diane: No, I can only imagine.

Quote from Diane

Diane: "We ran together. Spring set the pace through the wild heather's bloom. We stopped, transfixed by a mayfly's flight. ls love not such, but easier to capture? 'A bug,' you said, crushing it. l smiled, but just a little." Well, what did you think?
Dick Cavett: Well, it... [clears throat] It could use a little bit of... What shall I say? It needs a little...
Diane: Ambiguity, tension and paradox?
Dick Cavett: Exactly.
Diane: Oh, I think I've solved that with "Ephemera ll". "The sky was gossamer..."
Sam: Diane?
Diane: Yes?
Diane: Diane, somebody wants you at another table.
Diane: Who?
Sam: Everybody at this one.

Quote from Coach

Cliff: Hey, she might have a point there, Normie. You've surely hit bottom now, so it's time to make repairs, fix the old engine and get back out on that highway.
Coach: Don't tell me you wrecked your car too, Normie.
Cliff: No, Coach, it's a metaphor.
Coach: Those are the hardest to get parts for!

Quote from Sam

Sam: Come here. Look, I threw away my chance to be a famous guy once. Maybe you could help me this time. Please?
Diane: Well, it would be good experience.
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: However, I would insist on an as-told-to credit.
Sam: Hey, listen, I think this is gonna be great. You and I make such a wonderful team in every other way.
Diane: Oh, come on, Sam, do you want to fool around or write?
Sam: Well, I thought I can do one and you can do the other.

Quote from Diane

Diane: You must have a lot of close and dear friends in the publishing world.
Dick Cavett: A few.
Diane: Wouldn't it be a great thrill for you to run across a budding poetic genius?
Dick Cavett: Only if I were wearing cleats.
Diane: [laughs] You don't know how I welcome your sense of humor in this desert of banality.
Dick Cavett: I wouldn't call this a desert.
Diane: No?
Dick Cavett: No, a desert would be an easier place to get a drink.
Diane: Oh, yes. What can I get you?

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