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‘Give Me a Ring Sometime’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Give Me a Ring Sometime

101. Give Me a Ring Sometime

Aired September 30, 1982

Diane Chambers finds herself waiting at Cheers as her fiance, Sumner, goes to retrieve a wedding ring from his ex-wife.

Quote from Coach

Coach: I'm knocking off, Sam. Home to my book.
Sam: Still working on that novel, huh, Coach?
Coach: Yeah, coming on six years now. I just got a feeling I might finish it tonight.
Diane: You're writing a novel?
Coach: No, reading one.

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Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, speaking of sweat, here's a little-known fact. Women have fewer sweat glands than men, but they're larger, more active.
Coach: Oh, the human body, huh?
Cliff: Consequently, they sweat more.
Norm: Really?
Cliff: Sure. How about you, miss? What are your perspiration patterns?

Quote from Sam

Diane: [answers phone] Hello? Sam? Are you Sam? [Sam mumbles] Yes. Yes, he's here. Someone named Vicki.
Sam: No, no, no, no.
Diane: No, she knows you're here. I told her you're here.
Sam: Well... [Sam runs two fingers along the bar]
Diane: Now, look... [on the phone] I'm sorry, I was wrong. He had to step out. Where? Um... [Sam touches his hair] Well, I think what happened is he... [Sam puts a cloth around his neck and holds two fingers above a strand of hair] he had... He had to go to mime class. Yes. Yes, I'll take a message. You're welcome. [hangs up]
Sam: Well?
Diane: You're a magnificent pagan beast.
Sam: Thanks. What's the message?

Quote from Carla

Coach: Uh-oh, Carla's late again.
Sam: Oh, nuts.
Carla: [enters] OK, I'm late! My kid was throwing up all over the place. You don't buy that excuse, I'll quit, because I don't work for a man who has no compassion for my children. And it doesn't look like you're exactly swamped here. I'm usually very punctual. If you don't like it, that's fine, because this ain't such a great job to begin with. I'm gonna change. [exits]
Sam: [to Coach] Think I was too hard on her?

Quote from Coach

Coach: [answers phone] Cheers. Yeah, just a sec. Is there an Ernie Pantusso here?
Sam: That's you, Coach.
Coach: Speaking.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Well, why don't you bring your remarkable powers to bear and enlighten me as to what my future holds?
Sam: [chuckles] I'm probably gonna regret this, but you could work here. [Diane laughs]
Carla: Sam.
Sam: [to Diane] Shut up for a second, will you?
Carla: I need I need two vodka gimlets, one straight up, one blended, rocks, one Chivas rocks, soda, a Comfort Manhattan, hold the cherry, a white wine spritzer, one Old Bushmill Irish decaf, hold the sugar.
Diane: What makes you think I would ever work in a place like this?
Sam: It's simple, really. You can't go back to the professor for work. I need a waitress. You need a job. You like the people here. You think that they like you. And the phrase "magnificent pagan beast" has never left your mind.
Diane: Now, look, buster. I do need a job. And I'll find one. And you can bet that it won't be waiting tables.
Sam: What are you qualified to do?
Diane: Nothing. But somewhere, there is a job that I'm perfect for, that's perfect for me. I'll find it. And when I do, I'll know it.
Sam: Carla, what am I making?
Diane: Two vodka gimlets, one straight up, one blended, rocks, one Chivas rocks, soda, a Comfort Manhattan, hold the cherry, a white wine spritzer with a twist, one Old Bushmill Irish decaf, hold the sugar. [Diane looks shocked at herself]

Quote from Diane

Sam: Your first customers.
Diane: Wish me luck.
Sam: Luck.
Diane: Hello. Welcome to Cheers. My name is Diane. I will be serving you. Uh, why don't you sit down right over here? You know, I should tell you, parenthetically, that you are the first people that I have ever served. In fact, if anyone had told me a week ago that I would be doing this, I would have thought them insane. When Sam, over there, offered me the job, I laughed in his face. [chuckles] But then it occurred to me... [sits down at the table] Here I am, I'm a student. Not just in an academic sense, but a student of life. And where better than here to study life in all its many facets? People meet in bars, they part, they rejoice, they suffer. They come here to be with their own kind. What can I get you?
Swedish Man: Where is police? We have lost our luggage.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
Sam & Coach: Norm!
Sam: How you doing, Norm, what do you know?
Norm: Not enough.

Quote from Coach

Coach: I coached this kid down in Pawtucket in double-A ball, and up here with the Red Sox. He was one of the best Little Leaguers ever to play the game.
Sam: Take it easy, Coach.
Coach: No, I mean it, he was the very best. As sure as the earth is round.
Sam: You don't believe that, Coach.
Coach: Well, you know, I never used to believe it, Sam, until I saw those pictures from the space shuttle.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Wait a second, Coach. I want you to take Norm home.
Sam & Coach: Norm!
Norm: [wakes up] I'm up. I'm up. All right, one quick one then I really gotta fly, Sammy.
Sam: No, no. I'm gonna have Coach take you home.
Coach: Come on, I'll give you a lift.
Norm: Thanks. Goodnight, Sam.
Sam: Goodnight.
Norm: Hey, Coach, we stop somewhere, I'll buy you a beer, huh?
Coach: Norm, you're in here every night. Doesn't your wife ever wonder where you're at?
Norm: She wonders. Doesn't care.

Quote from Carla

Carla: He's not back yet?
Diane: No.
Carla: Why don't you make a run for it?
Diane: You're a bitter little person, aren't you?
Carla: Yeah. Well, I have a right to be. My husband left me with four kids.
Diane: Four kids?
Carla: That's right. And after I paid his way through school hustling drinks.
Diane: What school did your husband go to?
Carla: The Colletti Academy. TV repair. So the minute he graduated, he left me. Said I wouldn't fit in with the other repairmen's wives. Big shot!
Diane: He sounds like a cur.
Carla: Yeah. Well, he's not all bad. He still fixes my set and only bills me for parts.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Well, you must get real tired of hearing people cry in their beer, huh? I wonder why people tell bartenders their problems. It's kind of sad, isn't it?
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: These poor wretches with no one in the world to turn to but some stranger who mixes drinks. I met Sumner two years ago. I was so flattered when he actually went out of his way to pick me as his teaching assistant. I'm still kind of in awe of him, you know. He's the most brilliant man I've ever known. For the last two years, he's been the most important thing in my life, and now I may be losing him. [sobs]
Sam: Oh, hey, come on. Look, you are a very attractive young lady.
Diane: Thank you.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Look, you're gonna find someone a lot better for yourself than that goofy professor.
Diane: Goofy? Are you talking about Sumner?
Sam: I'm talking about Sumner.
Diane: You don't like Sumner.
Sam: I don't like Sumner.
Diane: You know why you don't like Sumner?
Sam: Because he's goofy.
Diane: No. Because he's everything you're not. He's well bred, highly educated, he's distinguished, he's urbane...
Sam: You left out "goofy".
Diane: I did not leave out "goofy"!
Sam: You were coming to it?
Diane: I should have expected this. That goof will be on the cover of Saturday Review someday.
Sam: That goof is probably gonna be on a beach on Barbados tomorrow, rubbing suntan oil on his ex-wife.

Quote from Sam

Diane: I forgot to change the reservations again.
Sam: Use this one.
Diane: Thank you. [on the phone] Uh, yes, I'd like to change the reservations for Mr and Mrs Sumner Sloane, flight 481 to Barbados. They did? Are you sure? No, thank you. [Dianne hangs up and heads for the door]
Sam: I'm sorry.
Diane: How did you know?
Sam: Bartenders' intuition.
Diane: What a shame such an astute observer of human nature is stuck behind a bar.
Sam: That's what I think.

Quote from Sam

Sumner: Listen, I must dash. I'll be back in ten minutes. Excuse me, what's your name?
Sam: Sam.
Sumner: Listen, Sam, old man, I have an errand to run. Now, Diane is going to stay here. I'd appreciate it if you would keep an eye on her.
Sam: For you, Sumner, old man, I'll keep both my eyes on her.
Diane: Sumner, am I stupid to let you go see a woman you were once in love with?
Sumner: Oh, my, darling, I'm leaving you alone in a bar. Which one of us is the stupider?
Sam: Too close to call.

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