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‘The Book of Samuel’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The Book of Samuel

511. The Book of Samuel

Aired December 11, 1986

When Woody's ex-girlfriend Beth visits Boston with her fiance, Woody takes a page from Sam's book to show he's not alone.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: I'll tell you, Woody, the psychiatric profession can really get rough sometimes. I think if I hear one more person telling me about one more problem, I'll explode.
Woody: I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Actually, I suppose you do. Our professions are really very much alike. We both have to listen patiently while people unload their grief and suffering. Sometimes it's just more than I can bear.
Woody: I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: You know, if only I had your ability to listen to a person's problem, sympathize with them, and yet still go on about my business calmly and happily. How do you do it, Wood?
Woody: I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: You're not listening to me, are you?
Woody: I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: How about a double scotch rocks?
Woody: Coming right up.

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Quote from Woody

Woody: Boy, Beth writes the greatest letters in the world. I can't wait for you guys to hear this. "Dear Woody, this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. What I have to say is that I care about you very much, but I'm afraid we can't stay together anymore. You see, I've fallen in love with Leonard Twilley and we're flying up to Niagara Falls on the 20th to be married. We're gonna drop by and see you on our way. l feel I have to explain in person. l hope you understand and find it in your heart to forgive me. See you Saturday. Love, Beth." Well, this isn't quite as good as her usual letters.
Diane: I'm so sorry, Woody.
Woody: I can't believe it. Beth and Leonard Twilley.
Cliff: Woody, today's Saturday, you know. Uh, she could be here any minute.
Woody: Gosh, I'm feeling kind of bad. Listen, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to be alone now. [doesn't move] Oh, I guess it'd be easier if I left.

Quote from Woody

Desiree: Is there somebody here named Woody?
Woody: Yeah.
Desiree: I'm Desiree.
Woody: Uh, just a minute, please. Is it me or does she look different than she did on the phone?

Quote from Woody

Diane: Woody. I know I got you into this, but it's time to stop. I know Beth hurt you, but she doesn't deserve to be lied to. Besides, would your mother be proud of you if she knew what you were doing? Let Beth know how you feel. I think it would do you both good.
Diane: You're right, Miss Chambers. I guess I owe Beth that much.
Woody: Oh, you won't tell my mother, will you?
Diane: Mum's the word.
Woody: You won't tell my mum, will you?

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Yeah, you know, he is, uh, right there, Woody. You know, the best way to forget about Beth is go out there, find some skirt, have her, use her and throw her away.
Woody: Maybe you guys are right. Maybe the best way to get over this is to make wild, crazy, passionate love to the first available woman who comes along.
Diane: Woody, don't listen to them. It's not necessary for you to suppress your grief in debauchery. It's important for you to experience it. People grow from intense suffering.
Carla: Yeah? Then how come I haven't grown an inch since I've known you?

Quote from Sam

Sam: All right, here, here it is, troops. The reason I called you in was to tell you I just got a chance to go up to Moose River to do some fishing with some old baseball buddies.
Diane: Ah, a fishing trip. Another desperate yet futile attempt to forget me.
Sam: No, no, just another desperate yet futile attempt to catch some fish.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Uh, all right, sit down, sit down. I guess I'm gonna have to make an executive decision here. All right, hold out your fists. There you go. One potato, two potato, three potato, four...
Diane: Oh, Sam, Sam, Sam. This isn't fair.
Sam: It isn't?
Diane: No. Everybody knows that when you do "one potato, two potato" with three people, you end up with the same person with whom you started.
Sam: Oh, yeah, all right. Uh Oh, I got something else here. All right, all right. My dog died last night. What color is his blood?
Diane: What kind of disgusting game is that?
Sam: It's something I played when I was a kid. Now pick a color.
Diane: What for?
Sam: Your dog's blood.
Diane: Oh, this is horrible. You played this as a child? Well, no wonder you're so disturbed.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Oh, Woody, here's a letter from Indiana.
Woody: Oh, boy! It's from my girlfriend, Beth.
Norm: So how are things in the great Midwest, huh, Woods?
Woody: Well, let's everybody gather 'round and we'll find out, huh?
Carla: Oh, great, let's pull up the stove, whittle a tetch and chaw some tabacky.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Uh, wait a sec, Wood. You know, maybe this is really a blessing in disguise. You see, sometimes in order to achieve maturity, it's necessary to disengage oneself from relationships that keep one's growth rooted in an artificially prolonged period of stasis.
Woody: I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Oh, boy, Normie, look at this. Another psychic's head exploded.
Norm: Kind of makes you wonder why anyone goes into that line of work, doesn't it?

Quote from Woody

Diane: Woody, you've hit on nearly every woman in the bar. Why are you so persistent?
Woody: Well, when Beth gets here, you know, I want to show her that I got someone else, too. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's that look of pity in her eyes.
Diane: I'm sure she's far too wrapped up in her own happiness to have time to pity you.
Woody: Well, that is a comfort.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Why did Miss Chambers have to shoot my big mouth off for me?

Quote from Diane

Diane: Wait a minute. Do you really think it's proper to be rifling through a man's personal papers? No matter how close a friend, no matter how...
Woody: Miss Chambers, you're in here.
Diane: Give me that. "Diane Chambers. "Probably the most incredible woman I ever met. Don't you agree, Diane?" Well...

Quote from Frasier

Diane: Woody, something tells me you shouldn't do this. Please reconsider.
Frasier: Oh, that's easy for you to say. You got him into this. Why don't you do something extraordinary for once and butt out?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, hubba-hubba!
Woody: How do I look? Is my tie crooked?
Cliff: Uh, no, but your pants are on backwards. [Woody looks down] Made ya look. Made ya look.
Woody: That's very funny, Mr. Clavin, but I guess I'm not in the mood for that clever humor.
Norm: Yeah, you and the rest of creation.

Quote from Woody

Desiree: Shall we get started?
Woody: What? Right, right here?
Desiree: Here or in the back if you prefer.
Woody: Well, don't you want any dinner first?
Desiree: No, I'd like to get right to it. I'll stop to eat when I get a little tired.
Woody: Wow.
Desiree: I figure you probably have your own equipment. If not, I have mine out in the car.
Woody: What sort of equipment?
Desiree: Well, the first thing we'll need is a bucket.
Woody: Really?
Desiree: Yeah, and some rubber gloves and one of those really hard brushes with a long handle.
Woody: You've gotta be kiddin' me.
Desiree: Well, I need something to get to those hard-to-reach places.
Woody: Would you excuse me for a moment, please? Guys, I think there's things about Sam that we don't know.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Yeah, they're gonna be joining us for dinner tonight.
Desiree: Dinner? You wanna take me out to dinner?
Woody: Yeah. So what do you say?
Desiree: Well, it beats scrubbin' grout with a toothbrush.
Leonard: [laughs] You folks and your big-city expressions.
Woody: Yes, I thought we'd eat at Melville's, if that's okay with you, ma'am.
Desiree: Okay.
Beth: I was expecting someone a little younger, Woody.
Woody: Me, too.

Quote from Woody

Woody: That was fun. Nice seein' ya. Listen, have a nice marriage.
Beth: Well, didn't somebody mention dancing? We still have time before our plane leaves.
Desiree: Now you want to take me dancing?
Leonard: It sure beats scrubbin' grout with a toothbrush.
Desiree: Hey, I could live here. Let me go freshen up. Oh, dancing. I hope my knees hold out.
Woody: Is it any wonder I love her?

Quote from Woody

Woody: Uh, listen, Beth. Desiree's not my girlfriend.
Beth: Well, I had a feeling.
Woody: What gave it away?
Beth: When she forgot your name during dinner.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: And that, Leonard, is, uh, how the tractor was born.

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