Carla: Man, no way I'm gonna let that quack jab me.
Frasier: Carla, there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's- It's a very simple process. H- Here, let me show you. Darling, may l? They'll simply take your arm. They'll have you make a fist. Then they'll place a tourniquet here, exposing a vein. Exposing a vein... [taps Lilith's arm] Lilith, exactly how do you work?

Sam: All right, the thing is... Fellows, listen up. To qualify for the group rate, I need one more person to sign on.
Paul: Thank God, Sam. You don't know what it's like to walk around uninsured, knowing you might get hit by a bus or need an operation, and they'd take your house and your, your savings, and that might not even be enough. You saved my life, Sam.
Sam: Actually, Paul, I was kind of thinking of offering it to Norm.
Paul: Hey, congratulations, Norm.

Cliff: So, uh, Woodso, how much did your ring set you back?
Woody: Well, they say when you buy an engagement ring, you're supposed to spend the equivalent of six months salary, but it looked kind of naked without a diamond in it.
Norm: So how much we talking? Over a grand or what?
Woody: Well, the salesman said that it's bad luck for the couple to know how much the ring cost.
Sam: Woody, how are you gonna afford that on your salary?
Woody: Don't worry, Sam. I'm getting a night job.
Sam: You, you're gonna go do another job after you leave here at 2:30 in the morning?
Woody: Yep! Graveyard shift.
Sam: Where?
Woody: Graveyard, Sam. Gee whiz, say good night, Gracie.

Kelly: Woody, I'm so glad you're here. Grandmother can't wait to meet you.
Woody: And I can't wait to meet her, Kelly Gaines.
Kelly: Is he okay?
Sam: Yeah, he's fine. He's just, uh, been working 24 hours a day for the past four days.
Kelly: Is that a lot? I'm not part of the work force.

Carla: Uh-uh-uh. Keep your distance. I'm not afraid to use this thing, you know.
Frasier: Oh, for heaven's sake. Look, allow me. Perhaps I can be of some assistance. Carla, Carla, please. Now let's just look into my eyes. Listen very carefully to every word I say. All he's going to do is plunge this large-bore needle into your tissue until it reaches a vein, at which point the beating of your heart will cause your blood to gush into this vial, filling it with a viscous, crimson syrup.
[Carla gasps before she hits the ground with a thud]
Frasier: There you go. Top her off.
Gordon: Thank you.
Frasier: My pleasure.

Sam: Carla, good news. I've, uh, given a lot of thought, and I've decided to offer my employees a, uh, group medical plan.
Carla: Oh, man, that's great, Sammy, Yeah. What changed your mind?
Sam: Oh, it's the right thing to do. You guys need it, you deserve it it's important to you. Plus, they passed some kind of law.

Gordon: Excuse me, miss. I've been sent to collect some specimens.
Carla: Oh, they're sitting over there on the other side of the bar.
Gordon: No, I'm from the insurance company. I need to do a blood sample on each employee.
Carla: Oh. Well, he works here. Take him first.
Gordon: Fine. Shall we go?
Norm: Yeah. What, uh, part of the body do you need to take blood from?
Gordon: Any part that's soft and fleshy.
Norm: Well, have I got a treat for you!

Sam: [all on answering machine] Hi. This is Cheers. Leave a message at the beep. [beep]
Vera: [on machine] Norm, this is Vera. Please pick up. Norm! Norm? [line disconnects] [phone rings]
Sam: Hi. This is Cheers. Leave a message at the beep. [beep]
Vera: Norm, I know you're there. Pick up the phone, Norm. It's 3:00 in the morning. I want you to come home. Norm? Norm! [hangs up] [phone rings]
Sam: Hi. This is Cheers. Leave a message at the beep. [beep]
Vera: Hi, Sam. This is Vera Peterson again. Listen, uh, ignore those messages. It turns out Norm was here in bed next to me the whole time. And I thought that big lump was our dog. Who knew?

Sam: That's it. The furnace is definitely out. Any luck trying to get through to the repairman?
Rebecca: No, it's still busy.
Sam: Well, why don't you try calling someone else? What kind of manager are you if you can't handle a simple problem like that?
Rebecca: Sam, these are the only people in Boston who can service that Guatemalan furnace you bought on sale.
Sam: Oh. Keep trying.
Rebecca: It's ringing. Hello? [on the phone] Hi, there. Uh, yes, our furnace is on the blink. Um, it's the Little Diablo model, the grey one. It's a full duct, forced-air model. Huh? Um, let's see 55,000 BTUs. BTUs. Well, how do I know what that stands for? You're the Guatemalan!

Sam: You, you guys have a prenuptial agreement?
Woody: Sure. Oh, I love her, but I'm not stupid. God forbid, things don't work out. I don't want to lose half my stuff.
Sam: Good thinking, Woody.