Diane: Frasier, may I have a word with you in private? It's about what happened tonight.
Frasier: Well, not now, Diane. You're interfering with male bonding. [toasts] To snipe hunting.
Norm: All right.
Frasier: The most humane of sports. No guns. No knives. Just a man and a plain simple bag.
Carla: Like you and Diane. [Frasier laughs]
Diane: Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, come on, Diane. Guys make jokes about their mates, right guys? Look, you probably all think I'm being a bit manic about this, but the fact is I haven't spent that much time out of doors in my life. And I was exhilarated by it. It was a revelation to me how quiet it was. I heard an owl for the first time. You know, I finally understand why guys get hung up on going to the woods. You know, camping, fishing.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. Just wait until the first time you come back home with a snipe strapped to the hood of your car, huh?
Norm: Yeah, that's a thrill of a lifetime.
Frasier: My one regret is we didn't get a snipe. And it's all my fault. I let you guys down.

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: Hey, what's new, Normie?
Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.
Coach: It's a world gone mad.

Coach: I know exactly what you're saying, Doc. I do. After all the years behind this bar, I've learned how to make a lot of people happy.
Frasier: How's that, Coach?
Coach: Well, whatever problem they got, I point out the bigger problem. Now, in your case, you know, you're going bald.
Frasier: I am? Now I'm depressed and losing my hair.
Coach: Oh, that's nothing. It's child's play compared to that big mole you got on your neck.
Frasier: Please, Coach, no more. I'm cheered up now.
Coach: Any time, Doc.

Sam: You're going to get a giggle out of this, Diane. Frasier's still up in the woods. He's snipe hunting.
Carla: [laughs] You sent him on a snipe hunt. I love it.
Diane: What's a snipe hunt?
Cliff: The snipehunt's an an age-old custom wherein we take an uninitiated hunter like your Dr. Crane, put him in a clearing with a gunnysack and the rest of us go to the bush to beat out the snipe to him. Whoop.
Diane: Rather an elemental sport but I still don't see the humor in it.
Norm: All right, the humor, Diane, is that while the guy's out there with a gunnysack, we go off and have a nice dinner in a restaurant and come back here for some beers.
Sam: Well, you see, there's no such thing really as a snipe, so there's no real reason for any of us to hang around. But since the bagger doesn't know that, he stays and we leave. I swear to you, this is really funny.

Frasier: I was hoping you'd come back here when you couldn't find me. And I want to apologize. After a couple of hours in the position, I heard some snipe rustling in the bush, so I went off to pursue them and, well, I got lost in the woods. Then I scrambled about for a while until I heard the sound of cars on the highway. So then I flagged down an eighteen-wheeler and made my way back to safety. But good friends, I'm sorry. I let you down. It's the last thing I wanted to do.
Diane: Frasier, are you sure you're all right?
Frasier: All right? Diane, I'm aglow. I'm transported. Of course, I don't expect you to understand. It has to do with the unspoken bond between men. [puts his arm around Norm and Cliff] Sorry, I'm a little emotional. Coach, set up my buddies. I want to drink to the camaraderie of this night.
Sam: Oh, you don't have to do that, Frasier.
Norm: Nonsense. He wants to buy his friends a drink. Come on, what the hell?
Cliff: Yeah, as you know, it is the bagger's prerogative.
Frasier: Ah, what a marvelous tradition. Let's drink to it.

Diane: Thank you, everyone. Believe me, it's best to just let this matter drop. No need for Frasier to suffer any embarrassment.
Frasier: "Let the matter drop." I heard that, Diane. I deserted my hosts and now I need a woman to plead my case.
Cliff: Well, Frasier, if you feel that strong about it, maybe we could take another shot at it.
Frasier: You'd do that for me?
Cliff: Oh, yeah. Yeah, you bet we would.
Frasier: Fine. Well, let's get back out there.
Diane: Out where?
Frasier: Out in the wilds where the snipe run free.

Frasier: When I was in the men's room, I looked in the mirror. Do you know what I saw? A quitter. A man who lets his buddies down. I want to prove myself.
Cliff: Yeah. Well, hear that guys? Looks like Frasier wants to go back out there again tonight.
Frasier: Absolutely I want to get back out there again tonight. You know what tonight is? It's the night of the full moon. You know, Sam told me the snipe run best when it's a full moon.
Sam: I said that.
Frasier: That's right. And you said they'd be running all night long, right?
Sam: I said that, too.
Frasier: Well, then what are we waiting for?
Norm: Nothing. Let's get out of here.
Cliff: Ah, Frasier, I've really got to hand it to you, fella. Yeah, you're the first bagger I ever met with enough stamina to go out snipe hunting twice in the same night.
Norm: You're going to go down in the annals of snipe hunting.

Frasier: Sam, Diane is my salvation. It's my patients that have caused this distress. Think of it, day after day, miserable people coming into your office and pouring out their litany of depression and anxiety. The only way my situation could be any worse worse is if I actually listened to them.
Diane: Even at a time like this, his humor survived.

Sam: Hope things look up for you, Frasier.
Frasier: Going fishing, are you?
Sam: Yeah.
Frasier: Oh, how idyllic. The peace of the woods, away from the noise, the crime, the borderline psychotics.
Sam: Well, actually, Cliffie's coming along, too. Just kidding. I was just kidding, Cliff.

Diane: Frasier, sometimes people do thoughtless things. They don't mean any harm. They just don't know any better. They're insensitive.
Frasier: Well, good Lord, Diane, you sound like the psychologist I had when I was eight. What are you trying to say?
Diane: There's no such thing as a snipe hunt. They played a childish prank on you.
Frasier: I know that.
Diane: What?
Frasier: Good Lord, Diane. A man does not crouch in the woods for two hours without having a revelation or two.