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I'm Okay, You're Defective

‘I'm Okay, You're Defective’

Season 10, Episode 11 -  Aired December 5, 1991

After months of struggling to conceive, Rebecca urges Sam to see a fertility specialist. Meanwhile, Lilith pushes Frasier to draft a will even though he's afraid to contemplate death.

Quote from Lilith

[some time in the future:]
Lawyer: I am sorry about the passing of your husband, Lilith. Frasier was a good man, and we will all miss him.
Lilith: Thank you.
Lawyer: Well, I now have the unhappy task of reading your late husband's will.
Frederick: You okay, Mother?
Lilith: Yes. Thank you, Frederick.
Lawyer: "Sam Malone's sperm count is well within normal range."
Lilith: That damn bar.


Quote from Woody

Rebecca: Woody, where's Sam?
Woody: "Woody, where's Norm and Cliff?" "Woody, where's Sam?" Now I know how Mr. Krapence feels. How come no one ever walks in and asks me where I am?
Rebecca: Woody, where are you?
Woody: Don't ask me now. Ask me when I'm not around.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: Frasier, making out a will is a sensible precaution, and one you've been avoiding for months. We're seeing the lawyer this afternoon, and we have to get these questions answered.
Frasier: Look, darling, I find this entire will discussion troubling. It's not easy to talk about one's mortality. Oh, just the thought of of being apart from you and-and little Frederick... It's well, it's... It's just hard.
Lilith: So, who gets the wok?
Frasier: The wok?! My God, woman, we're talking about death here! My death, your death, the end of everything! Being lowered into the grave in a silk-lined casket!
Lilith: Yes. And?
Frasier: And it's upsetting to mammals like me!

Quote from Frasier

Carla: Hey, Fras, your cab's here!
Frasier: Oh, there. I've pulled myself together. Now that I have my will, I suppose I can look into the face of death. Just hope I don't wake her.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Look, Lilith, all my life, I've had a problem talking about death. I know it's irrational, but I can't help feeling that if you talk about it, it'll happen.
Lilith: Well, Frasier, it will happen.
Frasier: Stop it.
Lilith: What, do you think if I hadn't mentioned it, you'd live forever?
Frasier: Well, now we'll never know, will we?

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: You know, first, you get me to get this $1 million life insurance policy. Now you're badgering me about the will. Lilith, I'm practically afraid to start my car in the morning.
Lilith: Frasier, I'm a scientist. If I wanted to kill you, I could certainly think of more clever ways to do it than that. Something subtle. Something that couldn't be traced back to me. Drink your drink, darling. You are so cute when you fear for your life.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Some people are just a bunch of babies about making out a will.
Norm: Think so?
Cliff: Yeah. Oh, sure, I think so. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, it's a... It's- It's your duty as a mature adult. You got to prepare for the inevitable there now.
Norm: So you took care of it, huh?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, yeah, you bet. Anything happens to me, everything goes to Ma.
Norm: What happens if Ma goes first?
Cliff: Shut up! Shut up, Peterson! Shut up, the whole sick bunch of you!

Quote from Paul

Paul: So, where did the two musketeers go without me today?
Norm: Well, we went hang gliding. Then we, uh, had lunch with the Miss Massachusetts finalists. And then, we got to drive a fire truck around for a couple hours. It was great.
Paul: You're kidding! Why didn't you ask me along?
Norm: Yes, we are kidding, Paul. We went to McDonald's.
Paul: What?! You went to McDonald's?!

Quote from Carla

Frasier: You know, Lilith, all this talk of wills and dying... Well, I've just never been so depressed in all my life.
Lilith: Frasier, everyone dies. We have to face that. I'm going to die, too.
Carla: Again?

Quote from Norm

Carla: This will get you. How about losing your balance in a sewage treatment plant? [Norm shakes his head and drinks]
Cliff: All right, all right, all right, here it is. How about eating food recovered from an autopsy? [Norm laughs and drinks]
Woody: All right, I got one. How about someone coming in from the field who's been working all day, while you're sitting down at the dinner table, and they got no shirt on, and their chest hair's all matted down?
Norm: [laughs] That's kind of unpleasant, Woody, but it's not really gross.
Woody: Well, that's 'cause you never met Grandma.
[Norm puts his beer down and pushes it away from himself]
Carla: Yeah!
Woody: Hey!
Cliff: Oh, hey! All right!
Norm: Uh, Wood, you want to put a head on that, please?

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