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‘Love Thy Neighbor’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Love Thy Neighbor

408. Love Thy Neighbor

Aired November 21, 1985

Norm suspects that Vera is having an affair with their next door neighbor. Meanwhile, Sam offends Diane by making reference to their relationship on the radio.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What do you say, Norm?
Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes, huh?

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Quote from Norm

Phyllis: Oh, Norm, where did we go wrong?
Norm: I don't know. I've been racking my brain trying to figure it out. I mean, day after day, night after night, I sit on that stool out there wondering, "Why did she lose interest in me?"

Quote from Diane

Diane: "Love bunny"?
Sam: What's wrong with that?
Diane: How dare you callously and cruelly lump me in with the other conglomeration of Twinkies that constitutes your sexual past.
Sam: There's just no pleasing that woman.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Hey. Did you enjoy your dinner? [Diane slams her bag down without addressing Sam] Hey. Hey, listen. Excuse me, miss? Are you or are you not speaking to me?
Diane: Never ever again. How could you? After all we've been through. What we had together was real and special, and now you've cheapened it for all eternity by broadcasting to the entire Boston metropolitan area that I was nothing but an odalisque in your seraglio.
Sam: If that's your idea of the silent treatment, it needs a little work. Oh, come on... All right, all right, whatever it is I said, and whatever the hell it was that you just said, what if--? What if I go back on the air there and apologize? Will that fix things up?
Diane: Do whatever you want. I couldn't care less. Keep it short and simple. Something dignified.
Sam: No sweat.
Diane: I'll write the script for you.

Quote from Sam

Dave Richards: [on radio] Okay, Sam Malone is back on the show with a prepared statement that he's gonna read. Go ahead, Sammy.
Sam: [on radio] Ladies and gentlemen, a week ago on this program, l, Sam Malone, committed a faux pas of the highest magnitude. I insensitively included a wonderful woman in a category in which she... [paper rustles] certainly did not merit inclusion. I apologize to her and indeed to women everywhere, both living and dead, whose sensibilities may have been offended.
Dave Richards: Yeah, yeah, well, whatever peels your potatoes, Sam.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Hey, guess who's gonna interview me on the radio tonight?
Diane: Someone with a taste for adventure.
Sam: Dave Richards, my old buddy.
Cliff: Hey.
Diane: And a 2-by-4 for a brain.
I need Dewar's rocks, please.
Sam: What's your big problem with Dave? I mean, ever since he came in this place, you've been badmouthing the guy.
Diane: For some strange reason, I find it hard to respect a man with the bumper sticker "Honk if you're horny."

Quote from Norm

Norm: Well, Vera and I went out dancing with the Henshaws. The next-door neighbours.
Cliff: Oh, what, again?
Carla: Normie, dancing?
Norm: Yeah.
Carla: I didn't think you liked walking.
Norm: You kidding? I love dancing. I could watch for hours.
Sam: You don't dance yourself?
Norm: Vera's the dancer in our family. She even has dancer's buns, Sammy. Too bad they're on her calves, though. You know, it's kind of...

Quote from Woody

Woody: [on the phone] I can't believe I'm talking to a real radio station. Hey, hey, listen, while I've got you, could you please play "Roxanne" and dedicate it to my girl? No, no, her name's Beth. But I don't think there's a song called "Beth." Oh, hi, Sam. Oh, right, I'll hang up. Goodbye. Well, it's not really goodbye because we're not actually... [chuckles] Right now? Yes, okay.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: So, what's up, buddy?
Norm: It's probably nothing, I hope.
Cliff: Oh, come on, Norm. Fill us in, will you? I mean, we're-- We're your friends here. We're sensitive and caring, and our only concern is your support.
Diane: You know that, Norman.
Norm: Well, all right, how much did you overhear so far?
Cliff: Well, everything but the location where they're satisfying their pagan lust.

Quote from Carla

Norm: What happened?
Phyllis: Ron's not home.
Cliff: Hire a private dick, Norm.
Carla: Hey, my cousin Santo's a gumshoe, and a great one.
Norm: Great, great.
Carla: He's professional, thorough and a master of disguise.
Norm: I'm sure he is.
Carla: Not just as people either, but things. Furniture. I mean, he could be here right now.

Quote from Norm

Woody: You all right, Mr. Peterson? You've been awful quiet tonight.
Norm: I was thinking about a high school football game, actually. That was a long time ago, Woody. And far away from here. We were playing our archrivals for the state championship, you know? And I saw the cutest little cheerleader that I've ever seen in my life just cheering her heart out. Yeah. I looked at her, and the sun seemed to be shining only where she stood. You know what I mean? And she seemed to be everything that was bright and pure and good. I knew right then and there that I wanted to make that little gal my wife. So I turned to Vera, and I said, "Honey, would you mind introducing me to that cheerleader?" I'm joking, Woody. Of course that little cheerleader was Vera.
Woody: Hey, can I ask you a question, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Sure, Woody.
Woody: Who won the game?
Norm: You know, I really couldn't tell you who won, Woody, but tonight I sure know who lost.
Woody: Well, can't you figure it out from that?
Norm: Could I have another beer, please?

Quote from Norm

Phyllis: It's just that, well, you know, just because Ron and Vera didn't do anything doesn't mean that we have to... Well, what I'm trying to say is, is that when we kissed something happened to me.
Norm: When I heard that tape, Phyllis, something happened to me. I realized how much Vera means to me.
Phyllis: Well, then, why don't you just run on home to your precious little wife?
Norm: All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do just that. Right after a couple more beers.

Quote from Cliff

Man: What's the damage, Mac?
Woody: Oh, just let me figure it up here. That'll be $27.50.
Man #1: Ouch. You sure?
Woody: Yep, you two gentlemen had four peach daiquiris and three creme de menthe frappes. [Cliff laughs]
Man #2: Something funny, dipstick?
Cliff: [turns around] In the paper this morning, yeah, it seems that, oh, the Sarge got tricked by Beetle Bailey again. See, Beetle put some itching powder in his shorts.
Man #2: Uh-huh. Oh, we thought that maybe you was laughing at our drink order.
Cliff: Oh, on the contrary. No, no, no-- Woody, let me have another mocha froth, will you? And keep them coming.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Who was Vera dancing with then?
Norm: The guy, Ron Henshaw.
Cliff: Oh, yeah?
Norm: Yeah. Good dancer.
Cliff: Oh, is he? Well, they dance the slow dances, do they?
Norm: Yeah, a few times. Why do you ask, Cliff?
Cliff: Oh, no reason, no reason. But you know, during the slow dances, certain parts of the body rub up against one another. You know, thigh touches thigh, purely by accident. Before you know it, you're hosing them off like dogs.
Norm: It's good clean fun, all right, Cliffy?
Cliff: Yeah, well, I know which way the wind blows.
Carla: Yeah, usually out of your mouth.

Quote from Sam

Dave Richards: [on radio] Yes, it's me, Dave Richards, with Sports Shorts. Well, we don't have much time because the Red Sox were involved in another long, boring extra-inning game. So let's get right to tonight's guest. He's former Red Sox relief pitcher and one of my buds, Sam Malone. How you doing?
Sam: [on radio] Sure am, Dave. How are you?
Dave Richards: Just great. And you?
Sam: Couldn't be better.
Dave Richards: That's great to hear. Boy, we've had some fun...
Diane: Where does one send for a transcript?

Quote from Woody

Dave Richards: [on radio] Well, I think we've hogged the airwaves long enough, Sam. So let's open up those phone lines for you listeners out there. Got a question you've been dying to ask Sam Malone? Well, here's your chance. [silence] Former major league great Mayday Malone. [clears throat] All the lines are clear, and it is a toll-free call. It doesn't have to be about baseball. Anything at all. Anything. Hey, we've got a call. You're on the Shorts.
Woody: [on the phone] Hey, Sam, where'd you put the olives?
Sam: Woody? Woody, get off the- [shouts from his office] Get off the phone!
Woody: He said, "Anything at all."

Quote from Sam

Dave Richards: [on radio] Here's another one. Go ahead.
Man: [on radio] Sam, you were known as quite a ladies' man during your playing days. Are women more impressed by a man in a baseball uniform?
Sam: [on radio] Well, actually I found women were a lot more impressed when I was out of my uniform, if you get my drift. No, seriously, you know, a lot of the chicks I dated know nothing about the game of baseball at all. You know, in fact, one former love bunny actually brought a book to a Red Sox game to pass time between pitches.
Diane: [mouths] "Love bunny"?
Dave Richards: A book? You mean, like, to read?
Sam: I swear to God, Dave.
Carla: Gee, I wonder who that was, Diane.

Quote from Carla

Phyllis: Hello, Norm.
Norm: Oh, Phyllis. What are you doing here?
Paul: Well, I took the chance I might find you here.
Carla: Whoa, what are the odds?

Quote from Norm

Phyllis: Norm, I've been trying to think of an easy way to say this, but I can't. I think Vera and Ron are having an affair.
Norm: Vera and Ron? Did you guys all get that back there? That's just great. How about you guys? Did you get that, everyone? Come on, let's just get away from the peanut gallery here.

Quote from Norm

Norm: This is kind of hard to believe, Phyllis. I mean, what makes you think they are?
Phyllis: Oh, Norm, come on. You're not blind.
Norm: What? What?
Phyllis: Haven't you seen the way they look at each other when they're dancing? And I don't have to tell you how attractive Vera is.
Norm: No, you certainly don't.

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