Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Godfather, Part III’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The Godfather, Part III

522. The Godfather, Part III

Aired March 19, 1987

After promising to take of Coach's niece, Joyce, when she's in Boston for college, Sam sends her out with the harmless Woody.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: Next week marks the anniversary of the day my beloved Lilith and I first met.
Cliff: No kiddin'?
Frasier: Yeah. As a show of my affection, I bought her a Louis Quatorze armoire at a little antique shop I saw on the Hill today. It set me back quite a penny. You know, I think when you're trying to express your affection for your mate, old wood says it best.
Woody: What do I say?
Frasier: I was talking about the armoire.
Woody: I never say that. I don't even know what an armoire is.
Frasier: It's a large chest.
Woody: Well, hey, what woman wouldn't want that? [laughs]

Rate

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: So where is Reedsport?
Joyce: Oh, it's in Oregon, about 50 miles west of Eugene.
Cliff: Well! A left coaster, huh?
Joyce: Yeah.
Cliff: You know, uh, recent medical studies have shown that, uh, time zone transference, aka jet lag, not only can be very upsetting to one's metabolism, but, uh, also directly correlates to the, uh, loss of, uh, hair follicles.
Joyce: Are you a doctor?
Carla: No, he's a floon.
Joyce: Who is that?
Cliff: Nobody knows.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Woody, come here for a second here, will ya? You know, I've been thinking long and hard about this, Woody. Look, there's, uh, somebody I want you to meet here. Come here. Joyce, Woody.
Joyce: Hi.
Woody: Wow, what a coincidence. My first name is Woody.

Quote from Woody

Joyce: Uh, can we see Old lronsides first?
Woody: Well, I don't know if Raymond Burr lives in Boston.

Quote from Sam

Sam: You know, I just think it's a stroke of genius that I had Woody squire Joyce around town. I mean, she's safe, and I have my peace of mind.
Diane: Personally, I'm a little worried about Joyce. She's been seeing an awful lot of Woody.
Sam: So what?
Diane: Do you know what time she got in last night? 2:30. Who knows what they were up to?
Sam: [chuckling] Oh, come on. We're talking about Woody. I mean, the guy is a, is a walking Disney character without the fur.

Quote from Woody

Cliff: So, uh, what's Lilith getting you there, Doc?
Frasier: A set of golf clubs.
Cliff: Eh.
Frasier: Although she doesn't know it yet.
Norm: Well, how can you be so sure?
Frasier: Well, I've left a lot of clues around the house. You'd have to be an idiot not to know what I want.
Woody: And what's that, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: I- I haven't decided yet, Wood.
Woody: Ah.

Quote from Norm

Joyce: Oh, you know what? He asked me to give you something. There you go.
Sam: Oh.
Woody: Sam. Beer distributor on the phone.
Sam: Tell him I'll call back, please.
Norm: Sammy, hey, hey. Where are your priorities? Come on.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Well, are you all, uh, you all checked in at college, huh?
Joyce: Well, uh, not really. The my dorm is having plumbing troubles, and I have no place to stay.
Sam: Well, that's not a problem. You can stay with me. I just have to pick up a few things. A bottle of juice, a loaf of bread.
Diane: A door for the bathroom.
Sam: My, God, yeah.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Joyce, the only logical place for you to stay is with me. Coach was like a father to me.
Joyce: Well, I mean, if it's no problem. Why not?
Diane: None at all. We'll have fun. It'll be one long slumber party.
Carla: Oh, goody. Can I come over and bring my Frankie Avalon records? I have dibs on cutting off her hair when she goes to sleep.
Diane: Yeah, and if we can get our hands on a laser, we'll try cutting Carla's.

Quote from Sam

Diane: No problem. We'll, uh, we'll just find someone else to show her the sights.
Sam: All right.
Diane: Someone who's enthusiastic. Someone who's non threatening.
Sam: That's good. That's good.
Diane: Somebody, uh, trustworthy. Somebody, uh, innocent.
Sam: Right.
Woody: Hey, Sam, you remember that little bird whose wing I mended? Well, this morning, I was...
Sam: Hey, do you mind? I'm trying to think here, Woody.

Quote from Carla

Frasier: Well, I'm off. Fore!
Norm: Oh, you get those clubs yet, Fras?
Frasier: No, but it's just a matter of time. See, I placed brochures strategically about the house for Lilith to notice. One nestled under her pillow. One by the wine rack.
Carla: One next to the whip locker.

Quote from Sam

Cliff: Hey, Sammy, is Woody out with Joyce again today?
Sam: Yeah. That makes every day this week. They are so cute together. You know where he's taking her now? They're going out for ice cream, and then they're going roller skating.
Cliff: Oh, those kiddleys, huh? Well, doesn't that just remind you of your youth?
Sam: Not one damn bit. That's why I feel good about it.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, so there you are. What kind of ice cream did you get?
Woody: Tutti-frutti.
Sam: Ha-ha! Tutti-frutti. Did you hear that? Yeah, you better be careful 'cause that can lead to the hard stuff, double chocolate.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Listen, listen, you guys, listen, listen. l, I was in your shoes once. I mean, I was young. l- l, I had a whirlwind romance and I got married and it turned out to be a disaster. I don't want this to happen to you now. I mean, look at, look at Diane and me. We waited five years to get married, and if it were up to me, we'd wait another five. I'm just trying to make a point. Do you mind? The point is... The point is that you got to, you got to, you got to get to know each other better if you're going to take a big step like this. You got to get past this, this early infatuation and get to the point where you're sick and tired of each other. Then you're ready for marriage.
Woody: Sam, we're never going to be sick of each other.

Quote from Sam

Sam: You know, there, there are hundreds of good, solid reasons why you two should not get married.
Joyce: Like?
Sam: Like like I forbid you to, young lady.
Joyce: Wait, you can't forbid me. You're not my father. [chuckles]
Sam: All right, all right. Woody, I forbid you to marry Joyce.
Woody: Sam, you're only my boss.
Sam: Damn it, l, I'm going to forbid somebody something, I'll tell you. [Norm heads to the bathroom] Norm, I- I forbid you to leave that stool.
Norm: Sorry, Sam, uh, nature calls.
Sam: Hey, hey, you, whoa, whoa. You go and you're cut off.
Norm: Whatever you say, Pop.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Let's get down to brass tacks here. How much do you want? Okay, I'm not a, you know, I'm not a rich guy, but I'm comfortable, so let's stop jerking old Sammy around, and name your price. Come on.
Joyce: We don't want anything. We just want to be together.
Sam: Oh, no, don't do Just get into my office, will you? Come on, both of you. I've tried to talk to you on an emotional level, a logical level and in an economic level. Now we're just going to have to raise this whole discussion up to a higher plane.
[in Sam's office:]
Sam: Have pity on me. Oh, please don't do this to me, please. I- I haven't had an easy life. This is going to hurt me, and I- I don't want to be hurt. I mean, I- I don't like pain. And think about your parents. They hate pain, too. Not, not as much as me, but pretty much. Oh, come on, this news'll kill them, you guys. It'll kill me, too. I- I... Please don't. Please, come on, don't do this to me! Don't make me beg.
Woody: Oh Gee, Sam, you feel pretty strongly about this?

Quote from Sam

Sam: Oh, come, come on, come on. We're not even married yet.
Diane: Oh, Sam. It's never too early to start thinking about names for our children.
Sam: It- It is if you're thinking about the name Emile.
Diane: What's wrong with Emile?
Sam: Emile is something you eat. It's not something you name your kid. Why- Why don't you just name him Socrates, after me?

Quote from Diane

Joyce: I decided I'm not going to college.
Diane: Not not going to college? No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. Oh, you must listen to me. You... You have your whole life ahead of you. You can't throw it away like this. If you don't go to college, you can't earn a living. And, and without a job, what will you do when he leaves you with a litter of kids... And, and you have to sell them, one after another, just to put food on your pathetic little table? And, in the end, you'll be left with nothing. Nothing but worn-out hips and sagging breasts. Is that really what you want?
Woody: Well, I can't speak for Joyce, but I could do without that.
Diane: So, tell me that you'll give up this insane idea of shacking up together and concentrate on your college career.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Well, I'm off, Sam. Sixth row center for the Royal Shakespeare Company. I still have the extra ticket if you happened to have changed your mind.
Sam: I- I just don't like that stuff. All those guys jumping around stabbing each other in their leotards. I- I'm sorry.
Diane: Come on. I don't want to go alone.
Sam: I- I know. I know.
Carla: Did I hear right? You're leaving early?
Diane: I'm going to a play.
Carla: Fine. I'll just stay here, work my butt to the bone, while the boss's fiance takes another day off.
Sam: Hey, come on. We're not that busy around here. What're you doing? As a matter of fact, why don't why don't you go to the play with Diane?
Diane: Ha. How about it, Carla? We rarely do things together.
Carla: We never do things together.
Diane: It'll be fun. It'll broaden your horizons.
Carla: You- What're you saying? l- l'm going to get the afternoon off if I go to the play with Bleachbag?
Sam: Only if you go to the play with Bleachbag.
Carla: It's a deal.
Diane: [laughs] I'm so excited. I've been waiting months for this production to arrive.
Carla: Sounds good.
Diane: Bye-bye.
Sam: Bye-bye.
Carla: I'll bring the pork rinds, you bring the beer. We'll make spit wads out of the programs.
Diane: [hands her ticket to Al] Take this. Follow her. Enjoy.
Al: Hey, honey, wait up.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: So, uh eh, Doc, I didn't know you were a fellow linkster. You know, uh, someday, when you feel you're good enough, I'll, uh, take you down to my private country club for a little, uh, mano a mano. Eh, Normie, remember I took you down?
Norm: I had a great time. I got, uh, three holes in one, and I birdied the windmill.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode