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‘Dark Imaginings’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Dark Imaginings

419. Dark Imaginings

Aired February 20, 1986

Sam suffers a hernia while trying prove he's not too old to challenge Woody at racquetball.

Quote from Woody

Diane: Does Sam's behavior give you pause? Methinks the man does protest too much.
Woody: Excuse me, Miss Chambers, but shouldn't it be "l thinks"?
Carla: Not in your case, Woody.

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Quote from Norm

Norm: Boy, I envy Sammy his carefree lifestyle.
Carla: Yeah.
Norm: Night after night, he dates pretty girls, while I sit here and wrestle with the world's problems.
Carla: You do not.
Norm: What do you mean? Last night, I let out that moan at the thought of nuclear war.
Carla: It wasn't because of nuclear war. It was because we ran out of beer nuts.
Norm: It was a combination of the two.

Quote from Woody

Woody: [sobbing] I'm sorry, Sam, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this.
Sam: I know you didn't. That's all right. It's okay.
Carla: He's been like this ever since you left, Sam.
Woody: Sam, I... I've come to donate an organ or something.
Sam: Woody, Woody, I have a hernia.
Woody: Well, if you need another one, take mine.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Bye, Carla. You see? There are other parts to a hospital besides the maternity ward.
Carla: Bite it.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: [sings] The farmer in the dell The farmer in the dell [talks] Hey, everybody, howdy-doody. Guess what I got in the bag.
Carla: What's left of your mind?
Cliff: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a turnip that needs no introduction: Miss June Lockhart. Hey, look here. Yeah, you put a little makeup on her. Shampoo and set her root hairs. Finish her off with a delicate strand of pearls... Is it me or is this getting a little weird?
Carla: You passed weird six months ago.
Norm: Now you're boldly going where no man has gone before.
Cliff: Boy, I guess it's true what they say, huh? It's a fine line between gardening and madness.

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: Cliff, old man, maybe a little vacation would do you some good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to my office.
Cliff: Hey, doc? Doc, listen, you mind if I tag along with you? Just for the stroll, you know, a little informal chat on the way?
Frasier: Oh, you bet, Cliff. I'd enjoy the company.
Cliff: Well, yeah, good. Listen, I'm a very private man. I've gotta warn you at the outset. I just don't bare my soul at the drop of a hat.
Frasier: Oh, I understand.
Cliff: Yeah, I was breast-fed a lot longer than most youngsters. I mean, babies.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Oh, dear me, my worst fears are confirmed.
Carla: There's been a peroxide embargo?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, Sigmund Fraud.
Frasier: Are you addressing me, Cliff?
Cliff: This bill is outrageous. 750 bucks here for a friendly chat. I've had several of Ma's organs taken out for less than that.
Frasier: It was not a little chat. It was seven hours of intensive psychotherapy, which I flatter myself to say has done you a world of good.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? You think so? Yeah, well, I don't think so. [removes an ear of corn] And neither does Meryl Streep!

Quote from Carla

Sam: I'm sorry. It's just this stupid hernia thing's getting me feeling my age.
Carla: What are you talking about? Would you stop that? Sam Malone never ages. It's one of life's great truths. Let me tell you something, Sammy. When you're 87, you'll still be a hunk to me. Of course, I'll be senile and blind.
Sam: And pregnant.
Carla: Yeah, probably.
Sam: I'll look you up.
Carla: You better.

Quote from Diane

Diane: This is no time for levity. I just called every hotel in Sugarloaf, and there's no Sam Malone registered anywhere.
Norm: Maybe he's staying under an assumed name.
Diane: No, I checked all the assumed names he usually uses. There's no Lance Manion. Nor is there a Honeyboy Wilson.

Quote from Woody

Woody: You know, I love barbershop quartets. You mind if I make a little request?
Man: Not at all.
Woody: Could you give me a little trim around the ears later?

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, has it occurred to you that you challenged Woody to a contest because he threatened your relationship with Bonnie?
Sam: No. But has this occurred to you: Leave me alone.

Quote from Frasier

Norm: Hey, doc, I really gotta hand it to you for that job you did on Cliffie. He's really been in good spirits lately and rarely discusses vegetables.
Frasier: Yeah, it seems our little impromptu session's been quite beneficial. You know, for my part, I hope to get an article published in either Psychology Today or the Burpee Seed Catalog. No, seriously, it's always very gratifying to help another human being.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Oh, Sam! Oh, I can't stand to hear you talk like that. You were right. I was wrong. You can't just lie back and accept getting old. You have to live each day to the fullest.
Sam: I don't know. It's...
Diane: No, really, I mean it. Besides, you men get better looking the older that you get. [gives Sam a mirror] Look at this guy. Huh? Strong. Vital. Sexy. Isn't he something?
Sam: You really think I'm better looking now?
Diane: You're a much more attractive man than when I first met you. Much more. And there's no telling what you may yet achieve. [Sam gets out of bed and heads for the door] I went to the library today, and I found a book that contains a list of people who made contributions well into their latter years. [Sam wheels a cart in front of the door and dims the lights] Listen to this: Leo Tolstoy, Albert Schweitzer, Grandma Moses, Bertrand Russell, Picasso, Goethe...
Sam: Oh, now, he's my favorite.
Diane: Yeah, mine too. Mine too. He... [Sam lowers the bed]What are you doing?
Sam: Well, I just thought I'd make the room look a little more romantic. You keep reading. You go right ahead.
Diane: Oh, Sam, this is wonderful. An old person wouldn't be doing this. This is the act of a vital, strong, young man. Who wants a woman. Who wants sex. Who won't get it. But this is a very positive sign.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Excuse me, fellas. I couldn't help overhearing what happened. You know, it's always been a lifelong dream of mine to sing in a barbershop quartet. I wonder if you might give me a try?
Man #1: Why not? "Good Night, Ladies" okay?
Norm: Yeah "Good Night, Ladies." All right. All right. [they sing] Good night, ladies Good night, ladies Good night, ladies We're going to leave you now- [applauase]
Man #1: That was fantastic!
Man #2: Hey, we got ourselves a new bass!
Norm: Yeah, well, no. You know, I'm really flattered, fellas, but I don't think so.
Man #3: But you just said it was your lifelong dream to sing in a barbershop quartet.
Norm: Well, it was and now I've done it. Thanks for the memories.

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