Norm: [enters] Good afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm.
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson. What's the story?
Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer.

Sam: You know, for the longest time, I kept pretending about you. I guess I was afraid to really admit my feelings. But from the very start, down deep inside, I have been crazy about you. Crazier about you than any other woman I've ever met. I mean, hell, I was crazy about you even when I hated you. [Diane laughs] What I'm trying to say is will you marry me?
Diane: No.
Sam: No?
Diane: No.
Sam: Are you serious?
Diane: I'm afraid I am.
Sam: Well... seems to me you have two choices. One, I can throw you in. Or two, you can jump in.

Diane: Oh, Frasier, please tell me where Sam is. I have to talk with him.
Frasier: Diane, in light of your disposal of him last night, I think it's better that he be left alone right now.
Diane: That poor man. Can you imagine how he must feel?
Frasier: Gee, I'll try.

Sam: Everything just got calm.
Diane: I don't notice any difference.
Sam: Oh, yes, yes. There's a difference in everything. The whole world just changed for me. Oh! Look! The stars are new. The moon is new. Sam Malone is new, and I like him. And I like them, and they like me. And none of us like you.
Diane: Am I going overboard again?
Sam: No, no, no, don't be silly. That would mean I care, and I don't. Bye-bye, Diane.
Diane: Where are you going?
Sam: I'm going to swim ashore.
Diane: You can't do that.
Sam: Very well, I'll take the dinghy. You see how quickly the new Sam adjusts?
Diane: You're going to just leave me out here all alone?
Sam: Yes, I am.
Diane: Sam. Sam Malone. If you leave me out here all alone, you are the most despicable creature on Earth!
Sam: Well, I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam. [whistles "Popeye the Sailor Man"]

Sam: [on the phone] Hi, it's me. Li-listen, I've, uh I've been thinking about you and... Oh, what the hell. Will you marry me?
Diane: Sam?
Sam: Well, who else do you think it'd be?
Diane: Sam, if this is some kind of a joke...
Sam: No, I'm serious. Will you marry me?
Diane: Oh! Oh, my God. I'm... I'm stunned. I mean, it's- It's not like I never expected to hear this from you. It's just that one is is never quite prepared for the question. Oh, Sam, I'm touched. I... [laughs] All... All at once, I I'm- I'm feeling giddiness, fear, euphoria, relief. I- I don't know what to say.
Sam: Oh, that's okay. I'm not listening anymore.
Diane: Sam, I- I- I- I can't answer you now. Not like this. Every woman wants her proposal to be enchanting, something she can remember for the rest of her life. Find something like that. Keeping in mind I don't care for sports arenas, theme parks or miniature golf.
Sam: All right, young lady, you just prepare to be swept off your feet tomorrow night.
Diane: I already have been. Bon soir, mon coeur.
Sam: R- Right, right. [hangs up]
[Diane fishes a framed photo of Sam out of trash can and tries in vain to remove the dirt]
Diane: Ugh. I'll get another one.

Sam: Let me get this over with. Uh, I asked her. She said no. End of bulletin.
[As Sam turns around to hang up his coat, Carla and Frasier do a happy dance.]
Carla: Sorry, Sam. I feel like dirt.
Sam: I'm fine, everybody. I just don't want to talk about it, that's all. [to Frasier] Can I talk to you just for a minute?
Frasier: Sure, Sam. What can I do you for?
Sam: Well I'm kind of worried that Diane may get hurt.
Frasier: My God, Sam, that is very noble of you.
Sam: No, I- I mean that I- I had a dream last night that I killed her and-and-and-and it felt really good. Does this mean I'm- I'm crazy or?
Frasier: No, no, of course not. It's very normal for most sane people to entertain insane impulses sometimes, and it's very natural to want to hurt someone that's rejected you. Well, for example... Well, there's me. But I can't tell you how many times I felt my own hands around her windpipe, strangling her, fingers tightening cartilage snapping! And, uh, I'm a respected psychiatrist.

Diane: Yes!
Sam: Yes, what?
Diane: Yes, I will marry you.
Sam: Oh, oh, I see what's happening here. You- You're still under the assumption that that offer is still valid. No, no, no, no. The- The statute of limitations on that proposal ran out the second your feet hit the water.
Diane: In that case, may I suggest you propose again? I assure you this time, I will accept your proposal.
Sam: Fine. I propose that you step in front of a speeding bus. [all laugh] You know, and I from now on, I'm dedicating myself to life, liberty and the pursuit of every woman in Boston except that one, so, to celebrate, drinks are on the house. Come on, everybody!

Diane: Are you as happy as l?
Sam: Oh, yeah. I just wish I could get this song out of my head.
Diane: Song?
Sam: Yeah. You- You know how sometimes you connect certain places and things with certain songs?
Diane: Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Thank you. This may sound a bit pretentious, but every time I'm in a taxi, I can't help but hum "Dove Sono" from Le Nozze Di Figaro simply because once a rather zaftig Parisian cabbie sang the entire aria on a trip through Montparnasse to La Coupole.

Diane: Oh, this is perfect. Sam will already be asleep, and I'll slip into bed beside him and give him the surprise of his life.
Cliff: Eh, uh, Diane? Sam's nose is, uh, pushed out of joint, and I think you better let him cool down.
Diane: Oh, don't be silly. He proposed. You can't turn off emotions like a spigot. Besides, making up has always been the cornerstone of our relationship.
Frasier: You know, that's that's what I always loved about the two of you, Diane. That's- That's beautiful, really. You and Sam are magic. [Diane exits] I should've killed her while I had the chance.

Diane: It's just that I'm so distraught. I fear I've made a terrible mistake. Sam's instincts were superior to my own. He was right, and I was wrong. I should've said yes.
Frasier: You're running back to him?
Diane: If he'll have me. I... Oh my neck is so stiff from that water last night. Would you give me one of your special massages? Please? Please, please, please?
Frasier: Certainly.
Diane: Thank you. I was such a fool out in that boat last night. [Frasier starts massaging Diane's neck] When I told him no, I was listening to my head and not my heart. I should've known. Sam and I are inevitable. Why fight it?
Frasier: [putting his hands around Diane's neck] Why fight it? Why fight it?