Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Belles of St. Clete's’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The Belles of St. Clete's

324. The Belles of St. Clete's

Aired May 2, 1985

Carla is out for revenge when she believes that one of her customers is her old evil Catholic school principal. Meanwhile, Cliff claims to be receiving love letters from a woman he met in Florida.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Morning, Sammy.
Sam: Norm. What brings you in this time of day?
Norm: Same thing that always does.
Sam: A little early for a beer, isn't it?
Norm: So float a cornflake in it.
Sam: Beer it is.

Rate

Quote from Norm

Sam: Seriously, how come you're here this early?
Norm: Ah, my supervisor got sick. Had to go home early. So he left me in charge of the office. So I closed it. Hey, you know, I thought I'd stop by, have a few beers and figure out what to do with the day. After all, I have 24 golden hours to spend on Norm Peterson. Any suggestions?
Sam: If it was me, I'd be out there sailing. Perfect weather, the waters won't be crowded.
Norm: I get seasick, though. I don't know.
Sam: Well, you can always go to the driving range and work on your slice.
Norm: No, I don't have my clubs with me.
Sam: Well, how about checking out that gym you've been putting off joining?
Norm: I'm not in the mood for sweat, you know.
Sam: Well, you could set up that workshop in your garage.
Norm: I'd have to clean it all out first. It's a mess.
Sam: Well, Norm, you could sit here all day shooting down my ideas and drinking beer.
Norm: Wait a minute. I think we're onto something here, huh? What do you say you put a head here on this thing, and let's hear some more of those suggestions.
Sam: Let's see, how about skydiving?
Norm: Nah, mess up my hair.

Quote from Carla

Norm: What happened?
Carla: It's her. It's the Evil One.
Sam: Where? What?
Carla: Over there at table five.
Cliff: Oh, the little old lady?
Carla: Drusilla Dimeglio. She was the principal at St. Clete's School for Wayward Girls. We all hated her guts. She used to do these mean, spiteful things to us. Oh, I swore vengeance on her, but she retired before I could do anything. Now, twenty years later, there she is.
Sam: It's been twenty years. Are you sure it's her?
Carla: Well, there's one way to make absolutely sure, Sam. She has my teeth mark on her left ankle.

Quote from Sam

Diane: [on the phone] Sam, we haven't had any heat for hours. I'm freezing. You're the bartender. What can you recommend that's nice and hot?
Sam: Speaking.
Diane: Must you inject sex into even the simplest of conversations?
Sam: Well, I didn't want you to go completely without it while you were in Europe.
Diane: I want for nothing in Europe.
Sam: I'm sure that's what you're getting.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, Sam, she doesn't recognize me. That means that I can take my time and work out my plan for revenge.
Sam: She did have a mark on her ankle?
Carla: Mark, schmark. It must have healed. I'm going to think of something slow and hideous.
Sam: You know, I have a suggestion for you, Carla.
Carla: What?
Sam: Do nothing.
Carla: With the body?
Sam: No, I'm telling you to turn the other cheek.
Carla: Oh, Sammy, mooning her isn't enough. I want to hurt her.

Quote from Diane

Sam: [on the phone] No, it's been crazy around here. Carla's been moping around all night 'cause none of her old school chums will back her up on this. You know, Carla, she's got so much anger bottled up, I'm afraid she's going to hurt someone. And without you here, I'm next in line.
[As Diane talks on the phone, Frasier is loudly attending to the fireplace in the ski chalet]
Diane: Sam, it would never come to that. Carla has a means of dealing with anger that's very effective. She vents it constantly in small doses to prevent a build-up that might erupt in violence. It's a technique that many hot-tempered, uneducated people evolve instinctively and though it's rather primitive, it is nearly as effective as more sophisticated techniques cultivated and employed by better-educated people with gentler tempers... Stop that, damn it. Please, darling, just until I'm finished.
Frasier: Certainly, dearest heart.
Diane: Thank you, love of my life. [on the phone] Sam, I'm sorry. What were we- What was I saying?
Sam: You don't know either? Well, we gotta have a rule around here. When you speak at least one of us has got to to be listening. Give my best to Frasier. Bye.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Going to have to read this. "Dear Mr. Clavin, this letter's the last one I will send to you. If you don't respond, I will turn the entire matter over to my attorney. l will wait one week for you to pay for or return the motel towels, ashtrays, light bulbs, door knobs and shower curtain assembly, including rod, missing from your room. Lanette Cahill."
Sam: Oh, the poor guy.
Norm: I was kind of hoping he wasn't blowing hot air this time.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: I'm warning you.
Norm: "My dearest Cliff..."
Cliff: Well, if you must.
Norm: "I want you. I want you. I want you. You are burning in my heart like..."
Larry: Like?
Norm: I can't make this out. Can you, Sam?
Sam: It's volcano.
Norm: Volcano. "I think of you at night when I go to bed and in the morning when I wake up. And I dream about you in between when I'm sleeping. Admittedly when most people dream. You're quite a man, all right. And that's for darned sure. And you satisfy every hunger that I have as a woman. Respectfully yours, Lanette Cahill."
Cliff: No, no, no. Read them the P.S. there where she talks about my sexual prowess in detail.
Norm: Can't quite make that part out, Cliffie.
Cliff: That's all right. I'll help you. This word here is gargantuan.
Norm: All right, Cliff.

Quote from Carla

Sam: You OK?
Carla: I just can't believe they didn't recognize her, Sammy. I didn't think anybody would ever be able to forget that woman.
Sam: You're gonna have to face the facts, Carla. Nobody recognized her because that's not the woman.
Carla: But, Sam...
Sam: Carla, come on. She didn't have any scars on her ankles.
Carla: Well, that doesn't mean anything. A lot of criminals have their ankles altered.
Sam: Oh, jeez.
Carla: So they can wear Bermuda shorts.

Quote from Carla

Sam: She's back there right now?
Carla: Yeah, we've been playing pool all night. We're tight, Sam.
Sam: So it is her?
Carla: Oh, yeah, it's her all right. But you know something, Sam? After I told her I how much hated her, she explained to me why she was always so tough on me and everything. She was just doing her job. And maybe I'm a better person for it. Anyway, we're pals now.
Sam: I can't believe this. I am so proud of you. Boy, this is a turning point.
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Maybe we've seen the last of that Tasmanian devil of a waitress.
Drusilla Dimeglio: [o.s.] Hey, Carla, bring some more pretzels, too.
Carla: All right, right away.
Sam: I can't believe that's the same woman whose head you were about to shave.
Carla: Yeah, I almost went through with it, too. I mean, I came that close and I could have done it easy, Sam. I mean, she's not as young as she used to be. But I stopped. God was testing me, Sam. And I passed.
[Drusilla, with a full head of hair, walks out of the back room with a pool cue in one hand and a beer in the other.]
Drusilla Dimeglio: Hello there. Carla, come on, it's your turn.
Carla: Yeah, I'll be right with you.
[As Drusilla turns around to go into the back room, her head has been completely shaved at one side]
Carla: I didn't say I got an "A", Sammy. I just said I passed. Rack them up.

Quote from Carla

Sam: You're ranting, you know that? Really, you're sounding irrational. You're beginning to scare me. I think you have to take a serious look at yourself here, Carla.
Carla: Yeah, maybe you're right.
Sam: What were you going to do if it had been her?
Carla: Well, I had this storybook fantasy when I was a little girl about someday coming up behind her and shaving her head. [chuckles]
Sam: Well, I'm glad it turned out to be somebody else for everybody's sake.
Carla: I guess.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: There's a lovely young thing, huh? Perhaps I should just go and make my move.
Carla: Yeah, go ahead and faint.
Cliff: Yeah, all right. Ha, ha, ha. Look, some of you people have gotten the impression that I'm a little inexperienced in the ways of love. How many women do I have to conquer to forever lay to rest this misconception, huh?
Steve: One.
Cliff: All right. All right. I wasn't going do this, but look what I got in the mail this morning. Normie, what does that say?
Norm: "Inflatable Surprises Catalog."
Cliff: Yeah, well, my mother sent away for it. She likes to play tricks on the cat.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: No, this is the one I was looking for. Go ahead, what's the name on there?
Tom: Lanette Cahill. The Orange Blossom Motel.
Norm: Whoa, Cliffy, who's this?
Cliff: Ah, just, some damsel in Florida who I had a delight but doomed affair with while visiting. Poor thing. She just keeps begging me to come back to her.
Alan: Clavin, we're not falling for any of this.
Norm: Why don't you guys believe that Cliff had a little affair in Florida?
Tom: What?
Norm: I believe him. I mean she could have been drunk, blind, just out prison...
Cliff: Thank you, Norm.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Go check it out, Sam.
Sam: What am I going for?
Carla: Well, I can't do it. She'll recognise me and then I'll lose her. Come on, you got do this for me.
Sam: I will, but why don't I just go over there and ask her name?
Carla: No, that would arouse suspicion. Crawl over there and look at her ankle.
Sam: Much better. No, I am not going anywhere. Go wait on her yourself.
Carla: All right, I will. You all just watch and see what happens when she gets a look at me.

Quote from Diane

Frasier: That's quite a hill, isn't it?
Diane: Oh, you were magnificent. Magnificent.
Frasier: That was exhilarating.
Diane: It worries me, though. These risks you're taking.
Frasier: Oh, Diane, you know, some men live their lives avoiding danger. Frasier W. Crane seeks it.
Diane: Oh, Frasier, here let me put these away for you so we can both get off our feet.
[As Diane takes Frasier's skis, he bends down to undo his shoes. As he rises up, he is knocked on the head by the skis Diane is carrying over her shoulder. Frasier falls flat on the ground while she puts the skis away.
Diane: You just relax and make yourself comfortable. Tonight is your night. [sees Frasier] That's the spirit.

Quote from Carla

Kathy Settuducato: The capper of all time was when we glued Sister Scholastica to the radiator.
Carla: Who could forget the Frying Nun?
Donna Guzzo: Those were the good old days. Life was simple then. By the way, you two started packing it away at lunch when I said I was paying.
Carla: Hey, me and the kid here were just trying to keep up Kathy and her quadruplets.
Kathy Settuducato: Oh, please, don't even say it. I've already got six more than I can handle.
Mo McSweeney: You have only five kids.
Kathy Settuducato: I'm including my husband, Al. Who, if he touches me again, is dead.
Carla: Four mugs and a pitcher for me and my pals from St. Clete's.

Quote from Carla

Donna Guzzo: You know something? I envy all of you. Sure, I'm the one with the education, the money and the great career, but I'd trade my electrolysis license in for a family.
Carla: Mine's available.
Donna Guzzo: By the way, I can get rid of that little Fu Manchu you're starting there. [Mo gasps]
Kathy Settuducato: [as Sam brings their drinks] Man of my dreams.
Carla: Sorry, Sam, I can't take them anywhere.
Sam: It's all right. Four beers for the lynch mob.
Carla: Hey.
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your wonderful surprise there.

Quote from Cliff

Tim: So, Casanova, any new letters from your Florida conquest?
Cliff: Well, as a matter of fact, I did receive one today. Each one gets more heart-rendering than the last. This one, she tells me she'd give it all up just for my kiss.
Larry: She must mean her lunch.
Cliff: All right, wise guy.
Norm: Come on, Cliffie, let's go shoot some pool.
Cliff: Yeah, that's a good idea, Normie. You guys are just lucky that I used up all my aggressive male hormones with frequent sex.

Quote from Carla

Donna Guzzo: Okay, Carla. We're all here. Now you can tell us what this is about.
Carla: Well, ladies, I am really glad you're all sitting down because you are not going to believe this. I didn't believe it myself. I've found Dimeglio. [the ladies are silent]
Kathy Settuducato: Dimeglio? You mean our principal from St. Clete's?
Donna Guzzo: Oh, I heard she passed away.
Carla: Hell wouldn't take her. She comes in to this bar every night at seven o'clock, sits at this table and has a gin and grapefruit. And she will be here again tonight.
Mo McSweeney: So what?
Carla: So what? This is our chance to get her, to pay her back for all those lousy things she did to us.
Roxanne Brewster: Carla, that was 20 years ago. We were just girls.
Carla: But we took an oath that we'd get her. Don't you remember? [gasps] She's coming. All right, everybody, get behind the bar.

Quote from Carla

Carla: So, what do you think?
Kathy Settuducato: Carla, that's not her. She was a lot taller.
Carla: She wasn't tall. We were shorter.
Mo McSweeney: Mmm, I don't think so either. She was two times as big as that.
Carla: So what? So she lost a little weight. She's wearing contacts instead of glasses. That's her. I swear it.
Roxanne Brewster: It's been a long time, but I don't think it's her either.
Donna Guzzo: So what if it is? Who cares?
Carla: Get down! I care. All right, if you don't want to help me, I'll get her without you.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode