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‘A Diminished Rebecca with a Suspended Cliff’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: A Diminished Rebecca with a Suspended Cliff

1017. A Diminished Rebecca with a Suspended Cliff

Aired February 6, 1992

When Woody's cousin, Russell (Harry Connick Jr.), comes to town, he develops a crush on Rebecca while he plays piano at the bar. Meanwhile, Cliff refuses to wear the new postal uniform.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Uh, can I help you?
Henderson: Do you have a Clavin here?
Carla: Yeah, but it hasn't been flushing right lately.

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Quote from Frasier

Woody: There's something different about Dr. Sternin-Crane. I can't put my finger on it. Is it her hair?
Norm: Woody.
Woody: No, no. I'll- l'll get it. Her dress? Oh, I've got it, her husband's growing a beard.
Frasier: Did I hear someone mention my beard? That's right, Woody. A beard, the ultimate manifestation of masculinity. Testosterone surging through my face! Every red-blooded man's birthright: hair on his chin. I don't know why I didn't do this before.
Lilith: Because I wouldn't let you.
Frasier: Oh, yes. That's right. It all comes back to me now.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Sam, I've been in there thinking about Russell. I mean, what's wrong with somebody paying attention to me? I mean, so he loves me, is that a crime? I'm gonna go talk to him. Somebody cover for me.
Carla: Cover for what? You don't do anything around here.
Rebecca: Ha-ha. [exits]
Carla: Seriously, what does she do around here anyway?

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, Dr. Crane. Look what I got.
Frasier: That's quite a trophy, Woody. I didn't know you played golf.
Woody: I don't. There's a trophy shop down the street.
Frasier: You just bought this trophy? You don't even golf?
Woody: Why should l?
Frasier: Well, because the idea of a trophy is to show some sort of accomplishment. You should learn to golf. Go out, take a couple of lessons. Spend some hours mastering the finer points of the game.
Woody: And then?
Frasier: Well, then you get better and you can join a country club.
Woody: And then?
Frasier: Well, and then you can compete. Maybe enter some tournaments.
Woody: And then?
Frasier: And maybe some day, you'll be the best and you'll win, and then you'll get a...
Woody: A trophy, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Congratulations, Woody.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Hi, Russell. I'm Sam-
Russell: Sam Malone. I know. Woody's told me all about this place. Oh, Miss Howe, just as beautiful as Woody said you were.
Woody: Well, thank you, Woody.
Russell: Hey, uh, there's Mr. Peterson, and look, Mr. Clavin. Hey, there's the Cranes. You were right, Woody, like she's seen a ghost. And there, and there's Carla, right? And Tecumseh and the, and the jukebox, and the wooden lady, and the little porthole...
Paul: Hey, Russell, I- I guess you know who I am. I'm Paul Krapence.
Russell: Who?
Woody: I- I was going on and on. I had to draw the line somewhere.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, Russell, you can stay with me. I got a real nice apartment. The couch almost opens out into a bed. Most days you've got heat and hot water. And it's usually quiet, except the couple next door is off the wagon this week.
Russell: Wow, Woody, that's a great offer, man, but I already made a reservation in this cheap little motel.
Woody: Can I stay with you?

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, Sam be real nice to him. He's- He's heartbroken. His girl he's been going out with for a long time just dumped him. So he's come to Boston to make a new start. I think he's hoping to hit the big time, like me.
Norm: Big time? Woody, you're a bartender. You- You're living hand-to-mouth.
Woody: Yep. Back in Hanover, people think I made a pact with the Devil.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Sam, why don't we hire him to be the piano player here?
Sam: Well maybe, as long as he works for tips.
Rebecca: Well, you- you won't regret it. I know about these things. I have a golden gut.
Carla: It must be worth a fortune. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said "golden butt."

Quote from Cliff

Twitchell: Hey, Clavin. How come every other mailman in this town is out there busting his hump and you're in here sitting on your over-sized irregular?
Cliff: Return it to sender, Twitchell.
Twitchell: You left this in your box, Clavin.
Cliff: What's that?
Twitchell: That's the official memo regarding the new uniforms. Starting tomorrow, they are regulation wear, and that's by order of the Postmaster General.
Cliff: Huh. Wait a second. I can't believe you opened my mail there, Twitch.
Twitchell: Hey...
Cliff: Ah! [chuckles]
Twitchell: That's a good one, Clavin.

Quote from Paul

Rebecca: You know, you guys, if we're going to have a piano player that's this great, we shouldn't hide him up there in the corner. I think we should move the piano down here and put it against this wall. If you help me move it, I'll give each of you a free beer.
Norm: Oh, great. I mean, I suppose you think we're... we're like a couple of trained dogs. Every time you want us to do something, you'll waggle a free beer under our face.
Paul: Uh-uh.
Norm: We have some self-respect. We have a little dignity. Am I right, Paul?
Paul: Mm-hmm. If I do it by myself, can I have both beers?
Rebecca: Sure.
Norm: Way to go, fathead. I was working her for a pitcher.

Quote from Carla

Russell: Thanks a lot, Miss Howe. Say, what would you call that color of hair?
Rebecca: What? This hair?
Russell: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: Well, it's nothing unusual. It's just, uh, what a medium chestnut with auburn highlights.
Carla: Is that what it said on the bottle?

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Oh, Sam, he's so sweet. I don't want to hurt his feelings. What do you say when you break up with a woman?
Sam: I usually say, "I'll call you tomorrow."

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: Thank God he's gone!
Sam: Hey, where the hell have you been all afternoon?
Rebecca: Hiding up at Melville's waiting for Russell to leave. You know, I sat up there for three hours pushing my glass around making moronic small talk.
Norm: Boy, if I ever get like that, put a gun to my head.

Quote from Woody

Rebecca: Woody, was Russell different in any way when he was growing up?
Woody: Well, he does have one little quirk. You know, when he likes something, he really gets carried away. I mean, uh, you know, one time he liked trains. I mean, really liked them. Collected them, wrote songs about them, pasted pictures all over his walls. You know, in fact he- he even thought he was a train for a while. Every morning at 7:53, you could hear him coming through town.

Quote from Frasier

Rebecca: What do I do?
Lilith: The advisable course of action is to not take any chances. A woman living alone who feels threatened in any fashion is entitled to police protection.
Rebecca: I thought I'd just be a little bit more direct and tell him I wasn't interested.
Frasier: Yeah, right.
Lilith: [scoffs] Be direct.
Frasier: Lay people.

Quote from Carla

Twitchell: Hook, line and sinker.
Sam: Hey, fellas, what's up?
Twitchell: Oh, Sam, I want you to meet my brother-in-law, Frank.
Henderson: Hi, Sam.
Sam: Frank.
Carla: Hey, what are you guys trying to pull?
Twitchell: Ah, I'm sick of Clavin shooting off his mouth about the new uniforms. He's never even seen them, so we came up with our own Clavin version.
Carla: The old fake uniform gag.
Twitchell: Yeah.
Carla: Why didn't we think of that? You know, I'm a little disappointed in all of us. I just think we're gonna have to work a little harder around here.

Quote from Woody

Russell: Hi. l- l'm looking for Woody Boyd.
Woody: Oh! Russell! Hey! Russell! Russell! Russell! All the way from Florida! Hey! How're you doing, cuz?
Russell: I'm great, man!
Woody: Great. Hey, Sam, guess who this is.
Sam: Uh, your cousin Russell from Florida?
Woody: Wow! What are you, a witch?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, well, one of Woody's relatives. Hello, Russell.
Russell: Hi.
Frasier: Say, Russell, uh, have you ever been to Hanover?
Russell: I spent every summer of my life there.
Frasier: Yes, well, Woody's told us a lot about it, and I'm sure we'd all be interested in a different perspective.
Russell: Well, you know, it's just like any other small, rural town in the Midwest. There's acres and acres of farmland, and hard-working people. You know, it's also the U.F.O. capital of the world.
Frasier: Enjoy your stay in Boston, Russell.

Quote from Woody

Rebecca: What's Russell going to do while he's here in Boston, Woody?
Woody: Well, I don't know, Miss Howe. [Russell plays a simple melody on piano] I was hoping he could work at Cheers.
Rebecca: What does he know how to do?
Woody: Uh, that's the question. Yeah, he was always off writing and sculpting and painting, while the rest of us were bettering ourselves by learning air-conditioning repair and riding dirt bikes. Yeah, to tell you the truth, I don't know if he can do much of anything. [Russell plays boogie-woogie melody virtuosically] Of course! Why didn't I think of it before? He can be a busboy.

Quote from Cliff

Twitchell: But, uh, you can't escape the fact that starting tomorrow, we all have to wear the new uniforms. No exceptions.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? Well, this is what I think of the new uniforms. [rips up letter]
Twitchell: Oh, come on, now. It's not as bad as that. You haven't even seen them yet.
Cliff: That's right, and I don't want to. As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't exist.
This is the uniform that made me want to become a postal worker. And this is the uniform I'm sticking to.
Carla: You wouldn't have that problem if you washed it once in a while.
Twitchell: You know, this is insubordination, Clavin. I got no choice but to report you to the supervisor.
Cliff: I don't care if you do. There comes a time in every man's life when he's got to show his manhood, put his cards on the table. [Twitchell exits]
Carla: Can we just see the cards?

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