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‘Someday My Prince Will Come’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Someday My Prince Will Come

403. Someday My Prince Will Come

Aired October 17, 1985

Diane is so fascinated by the idea of a man who left his coat at Cheers, she agrees to go on a date with the intelligent, cultured man sight unseen.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Making a date with a stranger over the telephone is a big mistake, Diane. I tried it. It was nothing but trouble. Of course, mine was an obscene phone call.

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Quote from Sam

Diane: For the first time in my life, I let appearance taint my feelings toward a man.
Sam: Boy, you know what's wrong with you? You just can't be honest with yourself. Looks are all that ever mattered to you.
Diane: What are you talking about? That is utterly inaccurate.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Want me to prove it to you?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: Who were you more crazy about than anyone else in your entire life? Uh, not including yourself there. Don't answer. It was me. And there was only one reason why you ever went out with me, and that was because of my looks.
Diane: Not entirely.
Sam: Yes, entirely. Name one other reason why anyone would go out with me. Go on, name one. You can't, can you?
Diane: No, Sam, I can't. [Sam laughs; everyone cheers]

Quote from Woody

Woody: You know, you ought to ask Mr. Clavin. He's very sharp. He's got more information in his whole head than I got in my little finger.
Cliff: Uh, you got that backwards.
Woody: See?

Quote from Diane

Diane: [to a pair of older customers] I suppose you're wondering why a person of my breeding would be working among the lumpen proletariat. Do you mind? I'm researching a novel, and working here gives me insight into their simple pleasures.
Norm: Oh, wait, wait. They're zooming in on a cheerleader here.
Sam: I think I've zoomed in on that one myself.
Diane: This language supplies the rich texture that distinguished Fitzgerald's work.
Norm: Cliffie, here comes the wave.
[As a Mexican wave goes around the bar, Diane raises from the table]
Diane: Well, you have to go along with them, or they get testy.
[As the Mexican wave returns, Diane and her two customers also raise]
Diane: That's good.

Quote from Sam

Sam: This is weird. What are you making a big deal about the coat for?
Diane: I was merely trying to conjure up an image of the owner. There's nothing wrong with that. Fantasy's healthy. Everybody does it. Didn't you ever fantasize about me?
Sam: Yeah, I guess I did.
Diane: And I you. What did you fantasize about?
Sam: Mostly that you'd stop using phrases like, "And I you."

Quote from Carla

Diane: A dried rose. What a romantic. Could this be a memento from a golden midi d'amour in some sylvan setting?
Carla: What's that? A classy way of saying a nooner?

Quote from Diane

Sam: Oh, come on, Diane. On a scale of one to ten, me being a 12, of course, where are you gonna rate Stuart?
Diane: Let's change that to IQ. While your score would remain 12... his would skyrocket.
Sam: It's too bad you're not gonna be gazing across the table at his IQ.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, I have never been more grateful to you than I am now. I just looked into the face of insensitivity and dishonesty, and it made me blanch. I am going out there, and I'm going to break up with Stuart. But I'm going to do it honestly, straightforwardly and yet, caringly. I'll tell him the truth of my feelings, that I'm not attracted to him romantically, although I am very attracted to him as a friend. And I'll say it in a way that he will accept and understand and be grateful for. Do you even begin to understand what I'm trying to say?
Sam: Everything except the part where you changed your name to Blanche.
Diane: Goodbye, Sam.
Sam: Goodbye, Blanche.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Great game.
Cliff: Yeah. Hey, look, they're showing chicks in the stands every-- Oh, look at that one. Come to papa!
Norm: Oh, yeah, yeah, Cliffie, they didn't build that stadium in Foxboro for nothing, pal.
Woody: They sure didn't. I'll bet it cost millions.

Quote from Woody

Diane: Seeing Baryshnikov dance Giselle was the experience of a lifetime. When he took the stage in his cabriole, it was breathtaking. I'd never seen his Albrecht before.
Woody: You mean he split his tights?
Diane: I wish.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, Diane, you got a minute? Listen, I want you to know that you are the last person on earth that I would ask for help. But I figure you've been in college for a zillion years, so you must have picked up something.
Diane: Now that you've buttered me up-
Carla: Well, my kid Gino, he made this generator for his school science fair, and he can't get it to work.
Diane: What's the problem?
Carla: He's not very smart.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: Oh, yeah, Carla, it is common knowledge that I'm scientifically handy. As a matter of fact, I spent a good part of my youth in a laboratory.
Carla: And you'd still be there today if the chimpanzee hadn't taught you how to open your cage.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam, who's sitting here?
Sam: I don't know, but his coat's been taking up bar space all night.
Diane: So I've noticed. Cashmere. Very nice. Hand stitching. Tortoiseshell buttons. This is a very expensive garment.
Sam: Doesn't look that expensive to me.
Diane: It has a Bemberg lining.
Sam: Oh, well, no fair, now. You didn't mention that.
Diane: I'm gonna hang it up. Oh, a pipe smoker. I don't believe it's a domestic blend. Sam, what do you think?
Sam: I don't smell anything.
Diane: Of course not. Your olfactory senses have been destroyed by that cologne you marinate in. Oh, I should've known. Of course, it's a perique blend. Jack Meechan, my father's partner, used to smoke it. Oh, huh, the memory's so clearly etched in my mind. He'd sit in his office smoking his pipe. I'd beg to sit in his lap, and he'd say, "Okay, little miss, but you have to pay the toll first." So I'd give him a big hug, and then he'd ask, "How about a tip for the gatekeeper?" So I'd give him a quick peck on the cheek, and he'd toss me in the air, yelling, "Who's your favorite uncle?" And I'd squeal, "Uncle Jack, Uncle Jack."
Sam: Was this before or after you met me?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Okay, Watson, fire up.
[As Norm spins the handle, Cliff's whole body shakes, his tongue sticks in his mouth and his gaze is fixed right ahead]
Norm: Cliffie, are you all right?
Cliff: It went right from my neck to my lower regions, Norm.
Norm: Anything we can do?
Cliff: Yeah. Crank it up again.

Quote from Woody

Sam: Woody, would you add up these receipts for me, please?
Woody: Sure. There's eight of them.
Sam: Thank you, Woody. That's what I got too.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Has it ever occurred to you this guy may look like Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy?
Diane: I can tell you right now that the owner of this coat could well be the most attractive man I've ever encountered, whatever he looks like.
Sam: Ooh. Down, girl, down.
Diane: What a person looks like has nothing to do with who that person is. If my face were transposed on another soul, would it matter?
Carla: To the poor sap who got it, it would.

Quote from Woody

Carla: Two vodka tonics. So where's the stick?
Woody: Well, she and Stuart are on another date. They went to see a play. I think it's a whodunit.
Carla: With him in the audience, it's a what-is-it.
Sam: Hey, hey, come on. Lighten up on him, will you? He turned out to be kind of a nice fella. Gonna have to give Diane credit on this one. Her intuition proved to be right.
Woody: I'm a great believer in intuition. It's like when I first saw you, Sam. Something told me you were super smooth with the ladies. Maybe it was that time you walked out of here with four of them, one on each arm. You know, you always just seem to know the right moves. Sometimes I like to just stand around and watch you operate. It's like going to school.
Sam: Gee, I never really thought of it like that. Well, yes, I have.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, Miss Chambers? I've been meaning to tell you, I really like your friend Stuart.
Diane: Oh, thank you, Woody.
Woody: Hey, you think you could get him to do that great trick for me?
Diane: What trick?
Woody: The one Sam says he does when he makes the clock stop by looking at it.
Sam: Wasn't that just supposed to be between you, me and the lamppost?
Carla: Well, look at her. It's an easy mistake.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, will you stop being hard on yourself? I mean, that's my job here. Come on. You had, what, few casual dates with him? What's the big deal?
Diane: Yes, but as often happens in my life, this gentleman is becoming much too serious, much too fast. He's wearing that smitten look I know so well. I've got to do something before it goes any further.
Sam: Uh-huh, I see.
Diane: For the first time in my life I can't bring myself to tell the truth to a man so I need a lie. And God forgive me, I'm coming to you for help.
Sam: Well, I'm flattered. All right, let me... Let me give this a little thought here. All right. All right, I've never passed this one on before, but I think it's-- I think it's the ticket here. It's neat, fast, clean and, best of all, it makes them want to get away from you. Now, here's what you do. You tell him that you have a contagious skin condition and that insanity runs in your family.
Diane: Very sensitive.
Sam: Well, thank you. It's a gift.

Quote from Norm

Sam: Hey. Will you look at that? One of those new marital aids, huh?
Carla: Okay, Clavin, the science fair is in one week. This is your chance to either gain my respect or lose your tonsils.
Cliff: Hey, well, thanks for the opportunity, Carla. So, Norm, what do you say? You wanna give me a hand here?
Norm: No. I think I'll pass, Dr. Frankenstein.
Sam: Cliff, have one on the house here for your good deed.
Cliff: Oh, thank you, Sammy.
Norm: [grumbles] Oh... What about one for Igor?

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