Diane: This is the way I describe our relationship. It's more than like. Beyond fondness. Verging on deep affection. There's a vital physical component, bordering on the passionate. However, it has not reached the level at which we will abandon our reservations about a complete commitment. Well, that's how I see things.
Sam: Ditto.
Diane: Ditto? You're telling me I waited a week for "ditto"?
Sam: You took my answer. [Diane goes to leave] All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No more stalling. No more stalling. I'll just tell you right here. I couldn't come up with anything. I'm sorry. I really wanted to do this. I don't understand. I'm usually so good under pressure, but I just drew a blank. Honey, I have no idea why we're together.
Diane: [sobs] Sam, neither do l.
Sam: You don't?
Diane: I don't have a clue.
Sam: Well, what about what you just said?
Diane: Oh, I read it in a book. It sounded nice, but it's not us. Is it?
Sam: I don't know. I wasn't listening.

Sam: I mean, how'd you do it? These things are impossible to get.
Diane: Well, it wasn't easy. They originally belonged to two young men in the bar, but after I finished waiting on them...
Carla: ...they were two old men.
Diane: They succumbed to my charms.
Carla: Oh. They were two blind men.

Sam: Hey, hey, hey, you're drunk.
Diane: Well, you're stupid. I'll be sober in the morning.

Norm: You go anywhere?
Diane: Well, I spent some time at Cape Cod. I love it in winter.
Cliff: I have a theory about how Cape Cod was formed, geologically speaking.
Diane: Excuse me. [exits]
Coach: [to Cliff] Well?

Sam: Wait a minute. Now, you're upset about my not thinking about our relationship. Am I right?
Diane: Yes, sir.
Sam: Well, I will start thinking about our relationship. Maybe we should take time off. Yeah, not see each other for a while. That way- That way, I'll have one thing on my mind.
Diane: It's one more than you usually have.

Diane: OK. I'll pay. I'll pay the $200. Give me my purse. I still think it's exorbitant for a prizefight.
Phil: It's Marvin Hagler. It's the prizefight of the year.
Diane: I assume that a check will do.
Phil: Anything. Make it out to Phil Keppler, Medical Corporation.
Diane: Ah, I thought I recognized that natural compassion, Doctor.
Phil: He's a lucky man. By the way, I could remove that little thing in my office in about 30 minutes.

Sam: [o.s.] Come on, Diane. I know you're up. Your candles are on.

Norm: So, Sammy, guess who got the extra ticket.
Sam: Come on, Harry. Please, Harry, don't get us in any trouble tonight.
Harry: Oh, come on, Sam. I'll be good. In fact, I'm driving. What kind of car do you want to take?

Sam: Boy, you really are bombed. I better get you some coffee here
Diane: I am bombed. But I have been doing some very clear thinking tonight about us. I have decided that if it isn't worth examining what we have, maybe we don't have anything.
Sam: Oh, come on. Wait a minute here. You're not thinking about ending it?
Diane: I'll have you know that when I was in high school, I was voted the girl most likely to marry into old money.

Diane: I was going to say that it's totally hopeless, that I can't make any sense of our relationship at all.
Sam: Well, why do we have to make any sense of it? I think it's stupid. Whenever you think too much about something, it loses all its sense. I mean, obviously, the only reason I'm with you is because I lo-
Diane: What, Sam?
Sam: I said the reason why I'm with you is cos I lo-
Diane: You lo?
Sam: You know what I mean.
Diane: Well, what's the matter? Can't you say it?
Sam: Of course, I can. I lo-
Diane: Oh, don't you see? That phrase that you throw around so casually is now impossible for you to say. And why can't you say it? Because with me, it's no longer casual. I'm important to you. I matter.
Sam: No, no, this is silly. I mean, I can say anything I want to say. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.A peck of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick. See?
Diane: OK. Now, say the other thing.
Sam: All right. I lo- I lo- I lo-
Diane: [opens the door] Hey, everybody. Sam can't say he loves me.
Carla: Who can?