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How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back

‘How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back’

Season 2, Episode 10 -  Aired December 8, 1983

After Sam casually throws an "I love you" to Diane, she starts to question what their relationship means.

Quote from Diane

Diane: This is the way I describe our relationship. It's more than like. Beyond fondness. Verging on deep affection. There's a vital physical component, bordering on the passionate. However, it has not reached the level at which we will abandon our reservations about a complete commitment. Well, that's how I see things.
Sam: Ditto.
Diane: Ditto? You're telling me I waited a week for "ditto"?
Sam: You took my answer. [Diane goes to leave] All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No more stalling. No more stalling. I'll just tell you right here. I couldn't come up with anything. I'm sorry. I really wanted to do this. I don't understand. I'm usually so good under pressure, but I just drew a blank. Honey, I have no idea why we're together.
Diane: [sobs] Sam, neither do l.
Sam: You don't?
Diane: I don't have a clue.
Sam: Well, what about what you just said?
Diane: Oh, I read it in a book. It sounded nice, but it's not us. Is it?
Sam: I don't know. I wasn't listening.


Quote from Diane

Sam: Hey, hey, hey, you're drunk.
Diane: Well, you're stupid. I'll be sober in the morning.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: You go anywhere?
Diane: Well, I spent some time at Cape Cod. I love it in winter.
Cliff: I have a theory about how Cape Cod was formed, geologically speaking.
Diane: Excuse me. [exits]
Coach: [to Cliff] Well?

Quote from Carla

Sam: I mean, how'd you do it? These things are impossible to get.
Diane: Well, it wasn't easy. They originally belonged to two young men in the bar, but after I finished waiting on them...
Carla: ...they were two old men.
Diane: They succumbed to my charms.
Carla: Oh. They were two blind men.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Wait a minute. Now, you're upset about my not thinking about our relationship. Am I right?
Diane: Yes, sir.
Sam: Well, I will start thinking about our relationship. Maybe we should take time off. Yeah, not see each other for a while. That way- That way, I'll have one thing on my mind.
Diane: It's one more than you usually have.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Boy, you really are bombed. I better get you some coffee here
Diane: I am bombed. But I have been doing some very clear thinking tonight about us. I have decided that if it isn't worth examining what we have, maybe we don't have anything.
Sam: Oh, come on. Wait a minute here. You're not thinking about ending it?
Diane: I'll have you know that when I was in high school, I was voted the girl most likely to marry into old money.

Quote from Sam

Diane: I was going to say that it's totally hopeless, that I can't make any sense of our relationship at all.
Sam: Well, why do we have to make any sense of it? I think it's stupid. Whenever you think too much about something, it loses all its sense. I mean, obviously, the only reason I'm with you is because I lo-
Diane: What, Sam?
Sam: I said the reason why I'm with you is cos I lo-
Diane: You lo?
Sam: You know what I mean.
Diane: Well, what's the matter? Can't you say it?
Sam: Of course, I can. I lo-
Diane: Oh, don't you see? That phrase that you throw around so casually is now impossible for you to say. And why can't you say it? Because with me, it's no longer casual. I'm important to you. I matter.
Sam: No, no, this is silly. I mean, I can say anything I want to say. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.A peck of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick. See?
Diane: OK. Now, say the other thing.
Sam: All right. I lo- I lo- I lo-
Diane: [opens the door] Hey, everybody. Sam can't say he loves me.
Carla: Who can?

Quote from Sam

Sam: [o.s.] Come on, Diane. I know you're up. Your candles are on.

Quote from Coach

Norm: All right, we got one ticket and four guys. What are we going to do?
Coach: I got a great idea, right? I think of a number from one to ten. Who comes the closest gets to go with Sam.
Norm: Fair enough.
Coach: Okay, Normie.
Norm: Seven.
Coach: Carla.
Carla: Nine.
Coach: Cliff.
Cliff: Two.
Coach: I'll say three.
Cliff: Wait a minute. Coach, you can't say anything. You know what it is.
Coach: I know, it's six.
Norm: Why did you say three?
Coach: Three's my lucky number.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, I want you to know that what you just said out there just now set my heart to pounding. Boy, one thinks one knows oneself, but all those preconceptions fly out the window when the man in your life says, "l love you."
Sam: Who said that?
Diane: You did.
Sam: Oh, hey, honey, don't worry about that. That doesn't mean anything.
Diane: It doesn't?
Sam: I've used that as a line on a 100 girls.
Diane: You've never said it to me.
Sam: Are you kidding? I wouldn't waste a line on you. Now, what I mean by that is... is... you're not the kind of girl that you use a line on. You're the kind of girl that falls for sincerity. I don't mean that either. I mean, it's just something I say. I say it to Coach all the time. I say it to anybody who gets me tickets to the Hagler fight. I just say it. That's all.

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