Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back

210. How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back

Aired December 8, 1983

After Sam casually throws an "I love you" to Diane, she starts to question what their relationship means.

Quote from Diane

Diane: This is the way I describe our relationship. It's more than like. Beyond fondness. Verging on deep affection. There's a vital physical component, bordering on the passionate. However, it has not reached the level at which we will abandon our reservations about a complete commitment. Well, that's how I see things.
Sam: Ditto.
Diane: Ditto? You're telling me I waited a week for "ditto"?
Sam: You took my answer. [Diane goes to leave] All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No more stalling. No more stalling. I'll just tell you right here. I couldn't come up with anything. I'm sorry. I really wanted to do this. I don't understand. I'm usually so good under pressure, but I just drew a blank. Honey, I have no idea why we're together.
Diane: [sobs] Sam, neither do l.
Sam: You don't?
Diane: I don't have a clue.
Sam: Well, what about what you just said?
Diane: Oh, I read it in a book. It sounded nice, but it's not us. Is it?
Sam: I don't know. I wasn't listening.

Rate

Quote from Diane

Sam: Hey, hey, hey, you're drunk.
Diane: Well, you're stupid. I'll be sober in the morning.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: You go anywhere?
Diane: Well, I spent some time at Cape Cod. I love it in winter.
Cliff: I have a theory about how Cape Cod was formed, geologically speaking.
Diane: Excuse me. [exits]
Coach: [to Cliff] Well?

Quote from Carla

Sam: I mean, how'd you do it? These things are impossible to get.
Diane: Well, it wasn't easy. They originally belonged to two young men in the bar, but after I finished waiting on them...
Carla: ...they were two old men.
Diane: They succumbed to my charms.
Carla: Oh. They were two blind men.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Wait a minute. Now, you're upset about my not thinking about our relationship. Am I right?
Diane: Yes, sir.
Sam: Well, I will start thinking about our relationship. Maybe we should take time off. Yeah, not see each other for a while. That way- That way, I'll have one thing on my mind.
Diane: It's one more than you usually have.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Ooh, a gift. Who's it for?
Norm: It's for Harry.
Diane: Why are you giving a gift to that conman?
Sam: To pay him back for all the times he's conned us. Coach found a trick wallet in a novelty shop.
Coach: Yeah, see, what you do is you open it up, see, and flames come right up to your face.
Diane: Oh, isn't this a little cruel?
Sam: No, no, no. It's harmless, really.
Carla: That's why we didn't give it to you.
Cliff: He's coming. Here he comes.
Sam: Boy, am I glad to see you, Harry.
Harry: You are?
Sam: Are you kidding me? You are a valued customer and a friend. I was feeling bad about all the times I kicked you out of here. I just wanted to show you there's no bad blood between us.
Carla: It's from all of us.
Harry: For me? Well, gosh, guys, I never expected anything like this. I mean, no one's ever given me anything voluntarily. Shall I save it for Christmas?
Coach: Oh, no, no, no. Please, Harry. Open it now. It's a hot one.
Harry: Oh, it's a wallet!
Sam: It's just a little gesture.
Harry: It's beautiful.
Coach: [to Diane] I can't wait.
Harry: I'm so touched.
Sam: Don't mention it.
Coach: Gee, Harry, aren't you going to open it?
Harry: Oh, sure.
Diane: Oh, Harry, back from your face a little, so we can all see.
Harry: Aww.
Coach: Gee, it was funnier in the store.
Harry: There must be 50 or 60 bucks in here. You guys are too much. I'll never forget this. Thanks a lot. [exits]
Sam: Did that wallet look familiar to anybody?
[Everyone screams as Sam opens his wallets and flames appear]

Quote from Coach

Norm: All right, we got one ticket and four guys. What are we going to do?
Coach: I got a great idea, right? I think of a number from one to ten. Who comes the closest gets to go with Sam.
Norm: Fair enough.
Coach: Okay, Normie.
Norm: Seven.
Coach: Carla.
Carla: Nine.
Coach: Cliff.
Cliff: Two.
Coach: I'll say three.
Cliff: Wait a minute. Coach, you can't say anything. You know what it is.
Coach: I know, it's six.
Norm: Why did you say three?
Coach: Three's my lucky number.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam, I want you to know that what you just said out there just now set my heart to pounding. Boy, one thinks one knows oneself, but all those preconceptions fly out the window when the man in your life says, "l love you."
Sam: Who said that?
Diane: You did.
Sam: Oh, hey, honey, don't worry about that. That doesn't mean anything.
Diane: It doesn't?
Sam: I've used that as a line on a 100 girls.
Diane: You've never said it to me.
Sam: Are you kidding? I wouldn't waste a line on you. Now, what I mean by that is... is... you're not the kind of girl that you use a line on. You're the kind of girl that falls for sincerity. I don't mean that either. I mean, it's just something I say. I say it to Coach all the time. I say it to anybody who gets me tickets to the Hagler fight. I just say it. That's all.

Quote from Sam

Norm: So, Sammy, guess who got the extra ticket.
Sam: Come on, Harry. Please, Harry, don't get us in any trouble tonight.
Harry: Oh, come on, Sam. I'll be good. In fact, I'm driving. What kind of car do you want to take?

Quote from Sam

Sam: [o.s.] Come on, Diane. I know you're up. Your candles are on.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Boy, you really are bombed. I better get you some coffee here
Diane: I am bombed. But I have been doing some very clear thinking tonight about us. I have decided that if it isn't worth examining what we have, maybe we don't have anything.
Sam: Oh, come on. Wait a minute here. You're not thinking about ending it?
Diane: I'll have you know that when I was in high school, I was voted the girl most likely to marry into old money.

Quote from Sam

Diane: I was going to say that it's totally hopeless, that I can't make any sense of our relationship at all.
Sam: Well, why do we have to make any sense of it? I think it's stupid. Whenever you think too much about something, it loses all its sense. I mean, obviously, the only reason I'm with you is because I lo-
Diane: What, Sam?
Sam: I said the reason why I'm with you is cos I lo-
Diane: You lo?
Sam: You know what I mean.
Diane: Well, what's the matter? Can't you say it?
Sam: Of course, I can. I lo-
Diane: Oh, don't you see? That phrase that you throw around so casually is now impossible for you to say. And why can't you say it? Because with me, it's no longer casual. I'm important to you. I matter.
Sam: No, no, this is silly. I mean, I can say anything I want to say. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.A peck of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick. See?
Diane: OK. Now, say the other thing.
Sam: All right. I lo- I lo- I lo-
Diane: [opens the door] Hey, everybody. Sam can't say he loves me.
Carla: Who can?

Quote from Diane

Diane: OK. I'll pay. I'll pay the $200. Give me my purse. I still think it's exorbitant for a prizefight.
Phil: It's Marvin Hagler. It's the prizefight of the year.
Diane: I assume that a check will do.
Phil: Anything. Make it out to Phil Keppler, Medical Corporation.
Diane: Ah, I thought I recognized that natural compassion, Doctor.
Phil: He's a lucky man. By the way, I could remove that little thing in my office in about 30 minutes.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sammy, a surprise.
Sam: Oh, don't tell me. The exhibit of Norwegian wood cuts is back in town. Holy moly.
Coach: What is it, Sam?
Sam: Look at this.
Coach: Holy moly.
Diane: Surely it's not that big a thing.
Sam: Are you kidding? Look.
Carla, Norm & Cliff: Holy moly.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Thank you so much. [kisses Diane] Later on, you can redeem that for a real thank you. You know what I mean? Let's go. We don't have much time.
Diane: Sam, there's one proviso with the fight tickets. You do not take me with you, or tell me about it later.
Sam: OK. I wonder who I should take. [Coach, Carla, Norm & Cliff smile at Sam] Yeah, all right, you guys. I gotta change. Figure it out amongst yourselves. I can't believe I'm going to the Hagler fight. [to Diane] I love you.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Sam
Sam: I don't know about this cologne you bought me, Diane. One or two showers and it's all gone.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Sam, get back in here. I think I know what you're saying. When I and everyone else in the world say I love you, we are opening up the very core of our being. When you say it, you're just clearing your throat.
Sam: Well put.
Diane: Sam.
Sam: I'm getting confused here. You just gave me tickets to a fight I want to see and now you won't let me see it. What is this, some kind of test or something?
Diane: What does our relationship mean to you?
Sam: It means a lot.
Diane: Go on.
Sam: Oh, thank you. [goes to leave]
Diane: Sam, stop! I have spent three months writing in my journal, filling page after page with thoughts concerning us. I have consumed entire weekends trying to discover exactly what our relationship means. And what do I get from you? "It means a lot." [hits table] Can you see why I'm furious?
Sam: Sure. You work at it for months and I get it just like that.
Diane: If you leave, we're through.
Sam: No, no, no. Don't give me an ultimatum. I hate ultimatums. You give me an ultimatum and we're through.
Diane: What?
Sam: That's better.

Quote from Diane

Diane: [sings] She aches just like a woman Queen Mary, she's my friend...

Quote from Diane

Sam: Listen, Diane, I know why you're doing this. It's my fault and I'm sorry.
Diane: Don't flatter yourself.
Sam: No, it is. It is. You know, my walking out in the middle of an argument wasn't exactly... Boy, when I was a kid, I had nightmares about places like this. Do you think you could... [Diane turns the lights on] Whoa, no bats! Listen, listen. I came over here for a reason. I brought you this. It's a present. Open it.
Diane: You bought me a present at this hour?
Sam: What's time? When your lady's owed a present, she gets a present.
Diane: What is it?
Sam: It's a boxing-glove purse.
Diane: How much did you pay for this?
Sam: Hey, price is no object.
Diane: Obviously.

Quote from Cliff

Alan: Uh, Cliff, these cards you bought at the strip joint, the sexy ladies are wearing bikinis.
Cliff: Uh, that's right. You've got to rub it off with a dime, there.
Coach: Hey, let me see, will you, Cliff? Ah.
Cliff: Hey, there's something wrong. I can't get the bikini off my girl.
Norm: Story of your life, big guy.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode