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‘To All the Girls I've Loved Before’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: To All the Girls I've Loved Before

617. To All the Girls I've Loved Before

Aired February 11, 1988

Ahead of their bachelor and bachelorette parties, Lilith offers Frasier the chance to back out of the wedding.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: You know, it's uncanny, my darling, but there's not a room you step foot into where you're not the most beautiful woman there.
Lilith: That's deplorable sentence structure, Frasier. What you mean to say is that I am the most beautiful woman in any room I enter.
Frasier: Yes. Well, thank you for correcting me in front of 30 people.

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Quote from Frasier

Sam: Hey, the big day is around the corner, isn't it?
Frasier: Yeah, next Saturday. Lilith and I have been in the process of writing, editing, rewriting, and researching our wedding vows.

Quote from Lilith

Rebecca: Uh, Lilith? What do you say we have a little get-together at my place tonight?
Lilith: That would be lovely.
Rebecca: Now, you're gonna have to tell me who to invite, because I don't know... anything about you.
Lilith: I only wish there were some way I could repay you, Rebecca.
Rebecca: Oh, don't mention it.
Lilith: If you ever need to admit a family member to a mental institution, I could certainly speed up the paperwork.
Rebecca: That's very dear of you.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: The thought of my Lilith having one last carnal fling with some fellow in a Speedo is beyond belief!
Norm: Now, Frasier, I mean, just 'cause some guy strips in her honor doesn't mean they're going to wind up in the sack together.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, you don't know my Lilith. I'll tell you, once her libido's cut loose, I mean, there's no tying her down. Unless, of course, that's what she's into for the evening.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Hello, Rebecca. I have a small favor to ask regarding our impending wedding. Since all my close friends will be out of town, and we have had a previous conversation, and our eyes have met on a number of occasions, I was wondering if you'd consent to be my maid of honor.
Rebecca: Me? Isn't that usually your best friend?
Lilith: You are my best friend.
Rebecca: Oh, I'm very flattered. Um... I guess so. Sure, Lila.
Lilith: Lilith.
Rebecca: Right. Right. I knew that.
Lilith: Let's discuss wedding gowns. Do you think black...

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: No one loves a good joke more than l. But I find that as our wedding day approaches, the frequency of these quips has increased. Are you having second thoughts?
Frasier: Well, only that I love you more now than I did five minutes ago.
Lilith: Leaving aside your schoolboy sophistries, let me make you an offer. If, after your madcap night of debauchery and vomiting, you still feel you want to go through with the wedding plans, call me and tell me so.
Frasier: But Lilith, that's entirely unnecessary.
Lilith: I beg to differ. Up until this point, you've only seen my warm and vulnerable side. Now I must become cold and analytical.
Frasier: As if you could, my treasure.
Lilith: Frasier, I need your reassurance. I'll be awaiting your call.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: As for me, I'm going to go back to my beloved, throw my arms around her milky-white shoulders, and let me tell you something, fellas. I'm going to tell her I'm devoted to her, and that I'm dedicating the rest of my life to her.
Lilith: [enters with a man] Hello, everyone. Frasier, is that you? Good. I hope this doesn't spoil the bachelor party, but the engagement is off. It's over, history, kaput. Good night.
Frasier: What?! She's kind of juiced.
Lilith: I can't be engaged to you, Frasier, because I'm marrying Randy here. If anyone wants to get us a wedding gift, his butt is this size.
Randy: Why don't you sit down, Dr. Sternin?
Lilith: Oh, "Dr. Sternin" is a little formal, isn't it? You can call me Sheena, Ruler of the Jungle of Love.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Oh, Randy, don't leave me. I'll never be able to hear "Shock the Monkey" again without crying.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: Lilith, what were you thinking of?!
Lilith: I'm sorry, Frasier, it's just that I felt the need to get back at you. I waited all evening for you to call and say that the wedding was still on, but you didn't, you cur.
Frasier: I did call! Didn't Carla tell you?
Lilith: She was too busy licking Bosco off Randy's chest. I became increasingly more distraught and foolish as the night grew long. Of course, the 11 tequila shooters didn't help. And now, the epilogue is that my behavior has probably cost me the one man I truly love.
Woody: Oh, you can probably still catch him.
Norm: Woody, I don't think you're following along closely enough.
Frasier: Listen, you're not the only one who's behaved irrationally tonight. Lilith, I want to marry you anyway.
Lilith: You do?
Frasier: Absolutely.
Lilith: For the rest of my life, I will always cherish those words: "Lilith, I want to marry you anyway."

Quote from Norm

Sam: I swear to God. My very first time was in the sixth grade. School crossing guard. No! Hey, I swear to you.
Norm: Wow, that's more exciting than my first time.
Tom: Wedding night, Norm?
Norm: Uh, the following week.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Boy, this bachelor party should be keen.
Sam: "Keen"? [laughs] Hey, I don't know about Indiana, but around here when guys get together to send another guy off to his doom, things can get a little raunchy, you hear me? [Norm laughs]
Woody: You fellas ever dress up farm animals in women's clothing?
Sam: No.
Woody: Well, then I'm one up on you.

Quote from Sam

Frasier: Sam, you know, you've been uncharacteristically mute. I mean, surely you have some opinion on this.
Sam: No, no, do it, man. I think you should walk off together into the sunset, you know? Live happily ever after.
Frasier: "Translation: Frasier Crane, you're a complete fool if you get married."
Sam: I did not say that.
Frasier: Now, listen, Sam, I know exactly what you're thinking. I mean, every fiber of your body speaks it. You live it every day. Give me one good reason why the single life is better than being married.
Sam: Okay, uh... Well, let's see. When I get home, I don't have to explain to anybody, uh, where I've been or what I've been doing. If I was out having a good time, I don't have to call home to see if I can stay later.
Hugh: Oh, that reminds me. [rushes to the pay phone]
Sam: There, right there. There you go. See, that's what you're losing, man. Your freedom. You know, I can eat doughnuts for dinner if I want to. Nobody nags me to put down the toilet seat. I am the king of my own remote control. I can date anybody I want to, and if somebody better turns up - and somebody always does, bless their hearts - then I can date them the very next night. You know, I don't have to worry about forgetting an anniversary, no mother-in-laws, no father-in-laws, no laws, period.
Frasier: I only asked for one reason.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Cliff, in light of my recent decision, I now take offense at your remarks about Lilith. In short, I'm going to kick your sorry butt.
Cliff: Ah, now, come on, Doc, just cool down, will you? It was just a joke.
Frasier: Oh, you mean like that costume you wear every day?
Guys: Whoa!
Cliff: All right, put up your dukes, Dr. Cream Puff.
Norm: Okay, now we got a party, eh? [men laugh and agree]
Cliff: All right, all right, uh, before we start, let's just, uh, set a few ground rules, all right? Uh, no punching in the face because that can cause severe brain damage.
Frasier: Oh, oh, all right, uh, just one other thing. Uh, no hitting below the belt. I'm about to be married.
Cliff: Uh, all right, all right, fair enough, fair enough.
[later, the crowd has thinned out as Cliff and Frasier sit at a table together:]
Cliff: All right, well, no hitting in the, uh, right shoulder, though. That's my bag shoulder, all right?
Frasier: What about the, um, upper thigh area?
Cliff: Uh... Oh, no, I think we covered that on page five over here. Yeah.
Frasier: Well, then, where does that leave us?
Cliff: I don't know; it's leaving me with writer's cramp, I'll tell you.
Frasier: Well, let that be a lesson to you.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Come in.
Carla: [babies crying] Mind if I use your office?
Rebecca: Again?
Carla: Hey, you think I like having to do this? You know how hard it is to breast-feed twins? I haven't had my bra off and on this much since junior high. Hey. Maybe you could help.
Rebecca: What do you mean "help"?
Carla: Well, you got a decent set of ducts. Maybe I could use you as a decoy. You see? While I'm pumping one kid, the other one's attached to you.
Rebecca: Are you serious?
Carla: Sure! It'll shut 'em up. So they won't get milk. Life is hard.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: What are you doing for a bachelor party?
Frasier: Oh, actually, I haven't any plans.
Sam: Well, would you like to have one tonight?
Frasier: Well, what do you think, darling? Uh, would I like a bachelor party?
Lilith: Well, while I feel that particular ritual is as pass as taking the topknot of one's dead enemy, I will not deprive you of the experience. Immature though it might be.
Frasier: She's a gamer! Oh! We're on! Fellas, stag party tonight.

Quote from Carla

Carla: You know, uh, being maid of honor means you have to throw Brunehilda a bridal shower.
Rebecca: Oh, right. I guess I should do something. What kind of shower do you think? Kitchen? Linen?
Carla: Look at who she's hitching up with. Better make it marital aids.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, gents, my last night of freedom.
Norm: Yep.
Frasier: One last chance to loosen the old noose, so to speak. Really have some fun while I still can. [guys laugh]
Sam: Do I hear the pitter-patter of cold feet?
Frasier: No! No! Not at all. I mean, as long as I'm in love with this woman and she has my dear old mother tied up in the cellar, I'm gonna go through with it. [laughter]
Lilith: Darling, could I speak with you a moment?
Frasier: Excuse me. The ball and chain.
Lilith: Frasier, do you realize that is the fourth derogatory remark about marriage you've made this evening?
Frasier: Oh, come on, my angel. I mean, they're they're jokes. I mean, everybody knows my mother is dead. That's what makes it funny.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Gentlemen! [all shout greetings] You know, l, I was listening to a rock and roll station on my way over here, and you know, to put me in the mood. There was a passage in one of those tribal songs that I feel, uh well, is the keynote for this evening. "Everybody have fun tonight." "Everybody Wang Chung tonight." [all shouting]
Cliff: Yeah, I think we got a madman on our hands here.
Frasier: I had a nap. [all laugh] You know, gentlemen I- I can't tell you how touched I am that you all, to a man, came back for my party.
Sam: We never left.
Frasier: Boy, this is gonna be some night. Oh, a real guy night.
Norm: Yeah!
Frasier: Check your X chromosome at the door.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Karen!
Karen: Dr. Crane!
Sam: You know each other?
Frasier: She's one of my patients. Karen, I hope you're doing this for the money, because this certainly won't square things between you and your father.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: You know, I've never revealed this to anybody, but when Diane left me at the altar, I well, there was a tiny voice that kept saying, "You're off the hook, you're off the hook."
Norm: Yeah, the only voice I heard was Vera's just yapping and yapping.
Randy: You ever notice it's always the women who want to get married?
Norm: Yapping and yapping.
Frasier: Well, you know, when I think of all the unhappy people whom I've counseled over the years, whose lives have been scarred and destroyed by marriages badly cast, I could write a book. I have written a book.

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