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‘Someone Single, Someone Blue’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Someone Single, Someone Blue

120. Someone Single, Someone Blue

Aired March 3, 1983

Diane's mother comes to town to tell her she must marry in the next twenty-four hours to preserve the family's fortune.

Quote from Norm

Diane: You're taking this all too personally and you shouldn't. It's just Mommy doesn't like bars.
Norm: Well, bars can be very sad places. Some people spend their whole lives in a bar. Just yesterday, some guy sat right here next to me for 11 hours.
Cliff: Yeah, what kind of a life is that?
Norm: Well, it's pitiful. You know, the sad thing is, you know that guy will be sitting in a bar somewhere right now, drinking a beer, going on and on about nothing.

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Quote from Sam

Sam: I just want to say it's nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Chambers.
Helen: It's nice to meet you, Sam. Diane's told me about you. You're almost as handsome as she says you think you are.
Sam: There's a compliment in there someplace, I'm sure.

Quote from Carla

Helen: Darling, think hard. There's so little time. Don't you know anyone who'd be willing to marry you for a few days?
Diane: Well, I'm afraid there's no one that I'm steadily dating at the moment.
Carla: Excuse me, rich lady. You know, I couldn't help overhearing your problems. Your daughter has a hot thing for the bartender.
Diane: I do not!
Helen: She likes Red? He's dumb enough to be your father.
Carla: Not him. Sam.
Diane: I care nothing. I feel nothing. Sam who?
Carla: Hey, come off it. You know, we've all noticed how you two go around, looking at each other like lovesick cows. Admit it. He's got you steaming under the silks.
Diane: This happens to be my mother.
Carla: Well, that's why I'm being delicate.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Tell me, how come you never got married?
Cliff: Well, Norm, Coach, it's unfair to ask a woman to be the wife of a mailman. You know, watching him get up every morning, strapping on that old mailbag, going out and hitting those mean streets, never knowing whether he's coming back or not.
Norm: Pfft. You're right. Somewhere out there is a beagle with your name on it, right?

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Howdy, sports fans.
All: Norm!
Coach: What'll it be, Norm?
Norm: Fame, fortune, fast women.
Coach: Yeah? How about a beer?
Norm: Even better.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Thank you for changing your mind.
Sam: You're welcome. I wanted to help out.
Diane: What you're doing is very noble.
Sam: Well, thank you. Where do you want to go on our honeymoon?
Diane: I should've known. As usual, Mr. Malone has his brains caught in his zipper.

Quote from Coach

Sam: Boy, that guy sure chewed your ear off there, Coach.
Coach: Yeah, but what a nice guy, Sam. Hey, you know something? That's the first person I ever met that was actually on the Titanic, Sam.
Sam: He survived the Titanic?
Coach: I forgot to ask.
Sam: Coach, why didn't you call me over? I would've loved to hear that story.
Coach: Well, jeez, Sam, I figured you'd heard it. A big boat, it hit an iceberg. Bang! Down it went.
Sam: Listen, from now on, when you hear an interesting story like that, call me over. It's one of the joys of bartending.
Coach: You want to hear interesting? Forget the Titanic. Come here. Glen. Glen, tell him what you told me earlier. Go ahead.
Glen: I know all the words to the Bonanza theme song.
Coach: Go ahead. Let him hear it.
Glen: [sings] We got a right To pick a little fight, Bonanza! If anyone fights any one of us He's gotta fight with me We're not a one To settle up and run, Bonanza! Any one of us starts a little fight Knows he can trust on me One for four, four for one, This we guarantee One for four, four for one...

Quote from Coach

Coach: Sammy, please, I'd be proud to be your best man.
Sam: Oh, I'm honored, Coach. Thank you.
Coach: You know, the day Diane walked in here, I knew the two of you were going to get together, Sam.
Sam: Coach, this is just temporary.
Coach: Oh, I knew that, too.

Quote from Carla

Helen: There she is. My little baby.
Diane: Mommy.
Helen: Hello, darling. [they "air kiss"]
Carla: They didn't get near each other. How can anyone miss Diane's mouth?

Quote from Coach

Helen: So, this is a bar.
Diane: Yes. This is where I work. Um, let me introduce you. Mother, this is Sam, who wouldn't think of saying anything embarrassing in front of my mother, so he wisely says nothing.
Helen: How do you do?
Carla: Hi.
Diane: This is Carla Tortelli. She says even less than Sam and she's very busy. And down there we have Norman and his friend Cliff. They lost their tongues in the war. Oh, Ernie Pantusso, but you can call him Coach.
Coach: Or you can call me by my other nickname, Red.
Helen: Red?
Sam: Yeah, during his playing days, his team-mates called him Red.
Helen: Oh, because your hair was red?
Coach: Oh, no, ma'am. Because I read a book.
Diane: He's very sweet though. Very sweet.

Quote from Coach

Norm: Is this the first wedding ever in Cheers, Coach?
Coach: No, Frankie Flaherty got married in this bar, Norm. Yep, he met Janet right there in that corner, he proposed to her here, right in front of me, they got married there, had their first fight up by the piano, she caught him in the poolroom with a woman, shot him dead in the alley.
Cliff: Oh, that's an incredible story, really.
Coach: Want to know where he's buried?
Norm: Where?
Coach: He ain't. He's cremated.
Norm: Thank God!
Coach: Here's his ashes.

Quote from Norm

Helen: All right, that's it. We're making a mockery of marriage and it's all my fault. There'll be no wedding here today. Not between the two of you.
Diane: Fine.
Sam: Fine.
Diane: I hate your guts and I always will.
Sam: Yeah, well, that goes double for me.
Norm: I understand they wrote their own vows.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Well, I don't believe this.
Sam: What now?
Diane: That was my mother on the phone. She just flew into town and she's coming over here.
Sam: No kidding. We finally get to meet her.
Diane: This is very strange.
Carla: That you have a mother?
Diane: No.
Carla: That you have a mother that wants to see you?

Quote from Carla

Coach: Diane, if your mom is anything like you are, everyone is going to love her.
Diane: Well, she's nothing like I am. She's very eccentric and a little hard to take at times.
Carla: Oh, yeah, worlds apart.

Quote from Diane

Cliff: Uh, Diane, if your mother's so rich, how come you're not?
Diane: I didn't want that money. I didn't want to go through life being handed money on a silver tray.
Glen: [gives Diane his tip on a silver tray] For you.
Diane: Thank you.

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