Carla: Great, now I got to work another Saturday night by myself. Sam, you promised you weren't going to boink any more waitresses in this joint unless it was me.

Cliff: I just thank God I don't have an alcoholic personality.
Carla: You don't have a personality.
Cliff: Carla, I'm going to resist the temptation of hurling a rejoinder in your direction primarily out of the respect I bear for members of your gender.
Carla: Please make sure that's all you bare for members of my gender.

Cliff: And then after being in the Everglades a couple of days, Seminole Indians found me and made me the honorary mail carrier of the tribe.

Diane: Frasier, listen to me. Sam needs my help in the bar. If you feel any spark of jealousy, please let me assure you I could side-by-side work with this man for the rest of my life and feel nothing.
Sam: Work? Hell, I could live in the same house with her and never be tempted.
Diane: I could sleep in the same bed and get nothing but a good night's rest.
Sam: I could get out of jail after twelve years, serve on a ship with an all-male crew for another four, be dropped off on a desert island for another three, eating nothing but raw oysters, and if Diane were to walk out of the surf naked one day, all I'd want from her would be the hockey scores.
Diane: And you wouldn't even get that.

Diane: How is your romantic life going, Sam?
Sam: I'm dating a girl right now that I think may just turn out to be the woman I've been waiting for all my life.
Diane: Oh, well. [raises a glass]
Julie: Sam Malone! You went out with my sister! How did you think that wasn't going to get back to me? I have had just about as much as I can take from you! As far as I'm concerned, you never existed. [exits]
Sam: Well, the search continues.
Frasier: Swim, Sam, swim.

Cliff: [v.o.] Last week on Cheers, yours truly, Cliff Clavin, postman extraordinaire and happy wanderer, returned from a vacation in the paradisaical state of Florida. It was an invigorating and magnificent experience. I'd like to tell you all about it but certain parties insist I fill you in on the rest of the story, so... Diane and Sam, as you may know, had a little falling by the wayside. After they went separate ways, Sam went back to his old ones. I didn't happen to get the license of the wagon Sam fell off, but back to the bottle he went. Diane, on her side, went what we euphemistically call [makes goofy noises]... and spent a little time in a hospital in the country. After she got out, Coach talked her into coming into Cheers to try and talk some sense into Sam. She talked him into seeing a psychiatrist of her acquaintance. Sam agreed, not knowing that the said shrink and said Diane were dating steadily, and rumor has it, heavily. Sam, in fact, is laboring under the misconception that Diane still carries the torch for him. And Diane actually thinks that Sam is the torch bearer in this situation. You know something? I think I may have the wrong batch of slides here. These are my snaps of FLA. Ah, well, you all know what Sam and Diane look like. But a lot of you poor, pasty wretches have never seen the old Sunshine State. What we're looking at here is- Hey! All right, who pulled the plug? Very funny, wise guy. Now, come on!

Diane: Yes, well, down to business. Sam, there's something I've been keeping from you and I've got to tell you and tell you now.
Sam: Well, there's something I need to say to you and I think I ought to go first.
Diane: No, no, I think maybe I should go first.
Sam: Maybe.
Both: [in unison] I'm over you. You're over me? Well ,you don't think that I still- Well, you've got your- [both laugh] You thought I- Well, so did you. We keep doing it.

Diane: If Frasier approves, I'll stick around, and help you through your waitress problem.
Sam: Whoa, wait a second here. You mean to tell me you're actually coming back to work here?
Diane: I'll take it until a better job comes along. Cleaning up after rodeos, for instance.

Coach: That's it, folks. Closing it up.
Norm: Night, Coach.
Coach: Good night, guys.
Cliff: So, Normie, you want to stop off and get a bite to eat?
Norm: Come on, Cliff, I have a wife to go home to.
Cliff: Oh, that's all right. We could stop by and pick her up. I haven't met her yet.
Norm: I don't think so. Not tonight.
Cliff: Oh, oh, wait a minute. Who are you ashamed of me or her?
Norm: A little of both, I guess.

Sam: Look, I haven't had a drink in ten days. I know I've got a problem, but I'm going to AA and I really think I'm going to be OK.
Frasier: No, you're better than OK, Sam. You're abundantly human.
Sam: Didn't you just say I made you sick a minute ago?
Frasier: I was confronting you, Sam. Forget about a minute ago. I am now telling you that you're abundantly human.
Sam: Well, great, great. Because I really think I'm going be able to handle this now.
Frasier: I don't.
Sam: I'm abundantly human, remember?
Frasier: Sam, don't you see what I'm doing here? I'm putting you on an emotional pendulum.
Sam: Oh, I don't want to be on an emotional anything. I just want to quit.