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‘Yacht of Fools’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Yacht of Fools

616. Yacht of Fools

Aired February 4, 1988

Sam and Rebecca spend the weekend on the yacht of her boss, Evan Drake (Tom Skerritt).

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hold it, hold it hold it, hold it, hold- Look, no, I'm telling you, Normie, recent research into the Revolutionary War indicates that the, uh, defenders of this area were not called the, uh, Minutemen after all.
Norm: Oh, like every history book is then wrong, right?
Cliff: Oh, they were actually called the Minute Men. A lot of them under three feet tall, as a matter of fact.
Norm: Right.
Cliff: Way back in history, people were shorter.
Norm: All right, fine.
Cliff: Take, for example, the, uh, the Knights of the Round Table.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Genuine midgets.
Norm: You're a very lonely man, aren't you?

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Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Oh, now there's one of my favorites, Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Norm: All right.
Cliff: Good one.
Frasier: A particularly trenchant analysis of the collective American psyche during the Cold War era, with the pod people representing the dehumanizing effect of the McCarthy hearings.
Norm: I guess we got, uh, plenty of other movies there.
Cliff: Here we go. Day the Earth Stood Still, a real classic.
Norm: Oh Klaatu barada nicto. [Cliff chuckles]
Frasier: For my money, the finest allegorical retelling of the life of Christ on film. Even better than E.T.
Norm: Next batter.
Cliff: Forbidden Planet.
Frasier: Well, that's a good choice. It's a witty revamp of Shakespeare's The Tempest with Robbie the Robot standing in for the sprite Ariel. Well, so what'll it be? [remote control clicks]
Narrator: [on TV] This, then, was the height of the literary use of Middle English.

Quote from Frasier

Cliff: Check out Mr. Evan Drake over there, acting like he owns the place, eh? Thinks that he's just some, uh, big shot corporate executive, eh? Doesn't have to pay attention to the common man like you and me? We're not important enough.
Frasier: Well, actually, Cliff, if it helps to alleviate this envy that seems to be eating you up right now, studies have shown that rich people are 40 to 50% less happy than most of us.
Sam: Oh, come on, that's a crock.
Frasier: Well, of course it is, but we have to cling to it, don't we?

Quote from Rebecca

Evan Drake: Your cabin, you two.
Sam: Ah.
Evan Drake: Good night.
Rebecca: Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. I'm sure you don't have bedbugs on this boat, or any other kind of bugs. Do they even have bugs at sea? Well, maybe water bugs...
Evan Drake: Good night.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Oh, Mr. Drake?
Evan Drake: Hmm.
Carla: Um, I'm an insignificant cog in the vast machinery of your corporation.
Evan Drake: Nice to meet you.
Carla: You being a rich and powerful guy, you might think you'd let yourself get all fat and lazy, but you look like you keep yourself in pretty good shape.
Evan Drake: Well, I get to the gym a few times a week.
Carla: Good, good, then maybe you can catch the truck that's towing your Rolls. [Evan rushes out] I love to see rich people haul butt.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Well, let's see here. What little mermaid would like me to scale her tail this weekend?
Woody: What, you're not taking Miss Howe?
Sam: No, I thought I'd have fun instead. I'm tired of barking up that tree.
Woody: I thought Mr. Drake told you to take her.
Sam: Well, I'll just, uh, tell him we broke up, or something. Besides... [clears throat] I got this, uh, gorgeous dental hygienist that I've been trying to impress, and flossing every day just isn't doing it. [Woody chuckles] She'll love this yacht thing. She's, uh, into money in a big way.
Frasier: It's amazing how superficial some people can be, isn't it?
Sam: Oh, tell me about it. Good thing for her she's got a great set of hooters.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: What is my problem? Huh? Every time I talk to him, I sound like a complete idiot. [sighs] Sam?
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: Did you ever get tongue-tied with a woman?
Sam: Oh, sure, lots of times. As a matter of fact, once we had to go to the emergency room.
Rebecca: They do have bugs at sea.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Oh, what can I get you?
Man #1: Well, let's see. Uh, today's my birthday. What's a good birthday drink?
Woody: Oh, well, Sam always buys a free beer for people on their birthday.
Man #1: Hey, that's great. Uh, actually, it's, uh, my girlfriend here's birthday, too.
Woody: Oh, well, she gets a free beer, too, then.
Man #2: Funny thing is, it's our birthday, also.
Man #1: Oh, yeah, that's how we all met. We were, uh, at the same party.
Woody: Wow. Free beers all around then, huh?

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Hey. Hey, hey, hey, there, Mr. Hoof and Mouth, will you put your thinking cap on? Hey, what are the chances of those four people having a birthday on the same day?
Woody: The odds must be astronomical. I'm just glad I was here to see it.
Norm: Hey, hey Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody. Don't you think it's the slightest bit of a coincidence that those four people happen to have the exact same birthday as... Cliff and me?
Woody: Really?
Cliff: A pitcher will be fine.
Norm: Yeah.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: You've been working on your hair all this time, and it still looks like that?
Sam: Like what?
Rebecca: Like something you'd surf on.

Quote from Sam

Sam: To think, you know, I have wasted three days on that lost cause.
Rebecca: Three days?! Try wasting two years. Two years of waiting by the phone for him to call. Two years of making excuses for why he didn't. Two years of dreaming about him and thinking about him. Living every moment for Evan Gregory Drake.
Sam: Wow. Boy, you sure have me beat.
Rebecca: I'm just so disappointed in him.
Sam: Disappointed? Think how I feel. I mean, he's in there boinking my sister.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: I am never gonna have a husband or babies.
Sam: Oh, now...
Rebecca: Or a family. All I have is my stupid career, [high-pitched] and I don't even like it. [crying]
Sam: Listen, you- You are a- a beautiful, intelligent woman.
Rebecca: Oh, Sam, please, not now.
Sam: What? Oh, come on. What- What you think that I'm..? Listen, I made a lot of stupid passes at you, but this is not one of them. Hey, you are a terrific person. You know, a lot of good things are gonna happen, and I'm sure the right person's gonna come along.
Rebecca: Well, what if he already did, and I didn't know it [high-pitched] because of Evan? [crying]
Sam: Well, then, if you miss him, then he wasn't the right person.
Rebecca: [panting] Oh. [sniffles] Really?
Sam: Yeah, really. [strokes Rebecca's face]
Rebecca: Really?
Sam: Uh-oh. Um, listen, you're in a very, uh emotional state right now, and I- I don't want to take advantage of that. If you want me to leave, you just say so.
Rebecca: I don't seem to be saying anything.

Quote from Cliff

Narrator: [on TV] English is, of course, a member of the Germanic sub-family of the Indo-European...
Frasier: Isn't this fascinating?
Norm: Must be what TV's like after you're dead.
Cliff: [enters] All right, Normie, turn off that claptrap. The cavalry has arrived. I just raided Vincent's Video Emporium for the finest '50s sci-fi fare.
Norm: All right.
Cliff: Yeah, get ready for a rollicking evening of, uh, pod people, invisible monsters and wisecracking robots.
Cliff & Norm: Ooh danger, danger!

Quote from Sam

Evan Drake: Damn.
Sam: Bad news?
Evan Drake: Yeah, a very important client and I were going to take the corporate yacht out for a little cruise, but he had to hurry home.
Sam: Illness in the family?
Evan Drake: No, they overthrew his government.
Sam: Ah, on the weekend, to boot, huh?
Evan Drake: Just can't make plans with dictators. [Sam chuckles]

Quote from Sam

Evan Drake: Sam, why don't you join me? We're heading out to Martha's Vineyard.
Sam: Oh, I'd love to.
Evan Drake: Why don't we make it a romantic weekend, huh?
Sam: Oh, well, I'm flattered, Evan, that's...
Evan Drake: [laughs] No, no, no, no. I meant bring Rebecca along.
Sam: Rebecca? Why would I want to do that?
Evan Drake: Well, the last I heard, you two were a hot item.
Sam: Uh, well, uh...
Evan Drake: I'm not going to hear any more about it.
Sam: I don't know, man...
Evan Drake: No, no, no. You two are coming. Now, just call my secretary. She'll give you all the details, all right?

Quote from Sam

Sam: [on the phone] Julie, sweetheart, come on, it's the middle of winter. You're going to have to bundle up. I don't know, pack a wool bikini, or something.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Sammy, come here. Let me see if I got this straight.
Sam: What?
Carla: Drake invited you and Rebecca.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Carla: Uh, Rebecca's got the major hots for Drake. You take Julie instead of Rebecca. Rebecca is left standing alone on the dock. Hey, what's that in her hand? Oh, must be your severed head.

Quote from Sam

Rebecca: Well, Sam, looks like we're going to be shipmates.
Sam: What do you mean?
Rebecca: I just saw Evan outside, and he told me the good news. I'm going to be your date.
Sam: Uh, well, here... Uh, here's the bad news. I've already invited somebody else.
Rebecca: Un-invite her. Sam, I have been dying for this chance to get to know Evan in a social setting. He only sees me as some tough businesswoman in tailored suits. I want him to see me in sportswear.
Sam: No, you don't understand. See, Julie is really important to me. I've been working like crazy to-to set something up with her for almost three days now. [off Rebecca's look] All right, all right. I'll, uh, I'll call Evan and I'll try to fix it up. I... What am... How am I going to explain Julie tagging along?
Rebecca: Oh, I don't know. Tell him she's your sister.
Sam: My sister? Rebecca, this is a hot, gorgeous, sexy woman. Yeah, he'll believe that.

Quote from Sam

Evan Drake: Wow, you must be very proud of your brother. He was one heck of a pitcher, I'll tell you.
Julie: It's too bad he's not playing now, when he could be making some real money.
Sam: Isn't she sweet?
Evan Drake: You two are very close, aren't you?
Julie: Mm.
Sam: Oh, yeah. She's, um, like a sister to me.

Quote from Sam

Evan Drake: I'm afraid I didn't have much in common with my brother.
Sam: Oh, you, too? Same with my brother.
Evan Drake: Julie, you told me you didn't have another brother.
Julie: Well...
Sam: Uh, well she doesn't, actually, but I do.
Rebecca: Well, well, it's not actually his brother. They're just such close friends that Sam likes to think of him as his brother.
Sam: We just don't have anything in common, that's all.

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