Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: Ooh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mr. Lucky, huh?

Norm: Oh, my God! That's my boss. He saw me slip out early. He's come here to find me.
Diane: You got here the same time you always do.
Norm: I know. I always leave early. I refuse to be one of those little, cowardly clock-watchers, Diane. As soon as my supervisor turns his head, I always slip out the heating duct.
Diane: How would he know you're here?
Norm: The company's full of spies. They know everything about you.
Diane: Really?
Norm: Yeah, they know everything about you. They even keep track of your sex habits. Thank God I don't have any.

Mr. Hecht: Peterson, we've been making some organizational changes in the company. And starting tomorrow, we want you to be our corporate killer.
Norm: The guy who fires people?
Mr. Hecht: That's right. You see, we decided that terminating employees puts too much stress on our executives. We think you'll be perfect.
Norm: Why me?
Mr. Hecht: Because studies have shown that it's particularly humiliating when you're fired by somebody who is clearly and markedly superior to yourself. And that just wouldn't be the case with you, Norman. You see, you're just an ordinary Joe. As a matter of fact, we checked out your home life. You have absolutely nothing anyone could possibly envy or resent.
Norm: I'm honored, sir. But this sounds like a horrible job, frankly.
Mr. Hecht: It's a 300% raise and if you don't take it, you're fired.
Norm: Sir, I will have you know that I cannot be bought and I cannot be threatened, but you put the two together and I'm your man.

Diane: Carla, have you given any thought to using some form of natural childbirth this time?
Carla: I always use the Le Mans method.
Diane: No, you mean Lamaze.
Carla: No, Le Mans. I scream like a Ferrari.

Walt Twitchell: That's Clavin. Clavin with a "C", right?
Cliff: That's right.
Walt Twitchell: Well, let me tell you, you're in trouble.
Cliff: You're in trouble!
Walt Twitchell: They're going to have your bags. [exits]
Cliff: Your mother's a bag. Isn't that something? Put a uniform on some guys, it turns them right into a fascist. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if that guy had deep sexual problems.

Diane: Norm is sleeping like a baby.
Sam: Yeah, a baby with a licence to kill.
Diane: I guess this job is taking its toll. I wonder what he's dreaming about?
Sam: Oh, he's probably dreaming about what every man dreams about.
Diane: In your case that would be me.
Sam: I hardly think that Norm is dreaming about you.
[Norm wakes up screaming]
Sam: I stand corrected.

Cliff: All right, everybody, I'm warning you. You better stay on my good side today.
Carla: Cliff, I've looked at you from every angle. There is no good side.

Carla: It's been a pleasure serving you.
Man: Thank you.
Carla: Wait a minute. Is this for me? Wow, a quarter! He left me a whole quarter. Considering all the great service that I gave him, I was expecting a big tip, but nothing of this magnitude. Thanks to him I am on Easy Street. Now I'm going to retire.
Man: Hey, look, all right. I'll give you some more, OK? Here. You have change of a ten?
Carla: Yeah. [hands back the quarter] Now beat it.

Sam: What's the problem there, Cliffie?
Cliff: Ah, a new couple moved in next door to me and Ma. They're just not our kind of people. They're loud, noisy, up till all hours playing their bebop music, automobile parts strewn all over the yard. Nothing I can use.
Norm: Why don't you just have a word with these people, Cliffie?
Cliff: Ah, Norm, it's not the type of people you just have a word with, you know what I mean? If I talk to them, it's only going to lead to a fight and you know what I'm liable to do.
Carla: Yeah, wet yourself.

Mr. Hecht: Peterson, are you in here? [opens the stall]
Norm: Were you talking to me?
Mr. Hecht: What are you doing in there?
Norm: Sir, this is awfully close to being an invasion of privacy, darn it.
Mr. Hecht: But I want to talk to you. I'll wait outside.
Norm: No. No, sir. I know what you're probably going to do to me and this does seem like the appropriate place for it.