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‘The Executive's Executioner’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: The Executive's Executioner

321. The Executive's Executioner

Aired March 7, 1985

Norm's boss asks him to be the "corporate killer", the guy who tells people they're fired.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: Ooh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mr. Lucky, huh?

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Quote from Norm

Norm: Oh, my God! That's my boss. He saw me slip out early. He's come here to find me.
Diane: You got here the same time you always do.
Norm: I know. I always leave early. I refuse to be one of those little, cowardly clock-watchers, Diane. As soon as my supervisor turns his head, I always slip out the heating duct.
Diane: How would he know you're here?
Norm: The company's full of spies. They know everything about you.
Diane: Really?
Norm: Yeah, they know everything about you. They even keep track of your sex habits. Thank God I don't have any.

Quote from Norm

Mr. Hecht: Peterson, we've been making some organizational changes in the company. And starting tomorrow, we want you to be our corporate killer.
Norm: The guy who fires people?
Mr. Hecht: That's right. You see, we decided that terminating employees puts too much stress on our executives. We think you'll be perfect.
Norm: Why me?
Mr. Hecht: Because studies have shown that it's particularly humiliating when you're fired by somebody who is clearly and markedly superior to yourself. And that just wouldn't be the case with you, Norman. You see, you're just an ordinary Joe. As a matter of fact, we checked out your home life. You have absolutely nothing anyone could possibly envy or resent.
Norm: I'm honored, sir. But this sounds like a horrible job, frankly.
Mr. Hecht: It's a 300% raise and if you don't take it, you're fired.
Norm: Sir, I will have you know that I cannot be bought and I cannot be threatened, but you put the two together and I'm your man.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Carla, have you given any thought to using some form of natural childbirth this time?
Carla: I always use the Le Mans method.
Diane: No, you mean Lamaze.
Carla: No, Le Mans. I scream like a Ferrari.

Quote from Cliff

Walt Twitchell: That's Clavin. Clavin with a "C", right?
Cliff: That's right.
Walt Twitchell: Well, let me tell you, you're in trouble.
Cliff: You're in trouble!
Walt Twitchell: They're going to have your bags. [exits]
Cliff: Your mother's a bag. Isn't that something? Put a uniform on some guys, it turns them right into a fascist. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if that guy had deep sexual problems.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Norm is sleeping like a baby.
Sam: Yeah, a baby with a licence to kill.
Diane: I guess this job is taking its toll. I wonder what he's dreaming about?
Sam: Oh, he's probably dreaming about what every man dreams about.
Diane: In your case that would be me.
Sam: I hardly think that Norm is dreaming about you.
[Norm wakes up screaming]
Sam: I stand corrected.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: All right, everybody, I'm warning you. You better stay on my good side today.
Carla: Cliff, I've looked at you from every angle. There is no good side.

Quote from Carla

Carla: It's been a pleasure serving you.
Man: Thank you.
Carla: Wait a minute. Is this for me? Wow, a quarter! He left me a whole quarter. Considering all the great service that I gave him, I was expecting a big tip, but nothing of this magnitude. Thanks to him I am on Easy Street. Now I'm going to retire.
Man: Hey, look, all right. I'll give you some more, OK? Here. You have change of a ten?
Carla: Yeah. [hands back the quarter] Now beat it.

Quote from Carla

Sam: What's the problem there, Cliffie?
Cliff: Ah, a new couple moved in next door to me and Ma. They're just not our kind of people. They're loud, noisy, up till all hours playing their bebop music, automobile parts strewn all over the yard. Nothing I can use.
Norm: Why don't you just have a word with these people, Cliffie?
Cliff: Ah, Norm, it's not the type of people you just have a word with, you know what I mean? If I talk to them, it's only going to lead to a fight and you know what I'm liable to do.
Carla: Yeah, wet yourself.

Quote from Norm

Mr. Hecht: Peterson, are you in here? [opens the stall]
Norm: Were you talking to me?
Mr. Hecht: What are you doing in there?
Norm: Sir, this is awfully close to being an invasion of privacy, darn it.
Mr. Hecht: But I want to talk to you. I'll wait outside.
Norm: No. No, sir. I know what you're probably going to do to me and this does seem like the appropriate place for it.

Quote from Diane

Sam: Do you mind? I know what you're talking about. You know, it's always hard to fire people. Of course, I always give my waitresses the benefit of a severance boink.
Diane: That or the money equivalent, $1.14.
Sam: As I recall, you were always after an advance.
Diane: Oh, Sam. You're always bringing that up, trying to relive those few precious weeks with the only woman you ever dated who knew how to spell your name.
Sam: As I recall, you used to spell it E-X-T-A-S-Y.
Diane: You got the "X" right. And it's going to stay that way.
Norm: Would you two mind if we moved on to something a little more interesting than your star-crossed romance, please?
Carla: Come on, Norm. What could be more interesting than another gripping episode of "The Young and the Chestless"?

Quote from Norm

Sam: So when are you going to talk to the guy?
Norm: I don't know. I've been struggling with it all day, Sammy. I was going to tell him at lunch, you know, but we were enjoying ourselves so much, it just seemed gauche. So I thought I'd take him to a movie, you know, try to get him relaxed.
Diane: And you couldn't tell him there, either?
Norm: No, but I came awfully close at the ball game.

Quote from Norm

Billy: Thanks for the beer, Mr. Peterson. I sure have had a good time today. You sure we won't get in any trouble?
Norm: Oh, no. It's just great to get away from that old sweat shop anyway, isn't it?
Billy: Are you kidding? I love my job. The five months I've had it have been the best of my life.
Norm: Isn't that exaggerating just a little bit, Billy?
Billy: Not at all. Mr. Peterson, ever since I can remember I've dreamed of being an accountant. From the age of six I did odd jobs so I could put myself through college. Now that I have it, I feel like I've got the world at my feet. I just put a down payment on a house. Maybe it was a little more than we wanted to spend, but escrow closed today so there's no turning back now. Besides, with my wife pregnant, we're going to need the room.
Norm: Your- Your- Well, you know, my wife and I are trying to have a baby, actually.
Billy: Hey, that's great! Our kids are going to play together at the company picnic.
Norm: I don't think so, Billy. [sobs]
Billy: Why not?
Norm: Because you're fired.
Billy: I'm fired?
Norm: It's not your fault. You're history, Billy. [sniffles] It's the damn company. They're cutting back all over the place. You're a good accountant. I'm so sorry. I can't believe it. It's not fair! You're so damn young.
Billy: That's right. I am young. I've got that going for me. I'll start over. I'll find something else.
Norm: Oh, in this job market? Good luck.
Billy: There, there, Mr. Peterson. Don't you worry about me. I'll be just fine. I'm going to make you happy and proud again. Are you going to be OK? [Norm reluctantly nods] Come on, show me a big smile. Come on. Come on. Attaboy.

Quote from Cliff

Phil Wagner: Excuse me. I watched you with that young man over there. And I want to tell you, I ain't ever seen anything like that.
Cliff: Hey, pal. Look, this is the 1980s. It's OK for a man to cry.
Norm: Thanks, buddy.
Cliff: Of course, you'd never catch me doing it. Maybe a manly tear or two, but never blubbering.

Quote from Carla

Cliff: That's it, I've had it! Those neighbors have pushed me too far this time.
Diane: What happened now, Clifford?
Cliff: Last night they decided to have a party. Cars parked all over the block, loud music, carousing and who knows what else. And all this on a school night. You know, I think it's high-time they found out what you get when you cross a Clavin.
Carla: Someone crossed one with a chicken and got you.

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