Woody: Yeah, maybe things just didn't work out in Canada. Yeah, I'll never forget when my Uncle Orlo left Hanover to seek his fortune in the big city. You know what happened? Terre Haute just chewed him up and spit him out. Yep, he came back with his head between his legs.
Sam: Actually, I think the expression is "tail between his legs."
Woody: Oh, no, there was a train accident on the way back. Yep. It's a real tragedy. Yeah, a year later, he drowned in a sitz bath.

Carla: Why'd you do it, Cliff? I begged you to get yourself fixed. I even offered to pay for it. Hell, I offered to do it for you!

Paul: So, she's pregnant with your child. You gonna go through Lamaze, or, uh, do you figure it'll just burst out through her chest?

Norm: Look, Cliffie, when is, uh, when is Maggie actually gonna show up here?
Paul: Yeah, where is this alleged girlfriend of yours?
Carla: Well, uh, Paul, I'm sure there's a very good reason why she isn't here.
Cliff: Well, thank you, Carla.
Carla: Namely that Clavin dismembered her and stacked her in his freezer.
Cliff: Yeah, you know, the police took that call of yours very seriously. [Carla laughs] Missed a half a day's work, thank you very much. Poor Ma didn't know what to think. She tossed out a whole year's worth of Omaha steaks trying to protect me.

Cliff: Hey, here's a little-known fact: I'm gonna be your daddy! You know, this isn't exactly the way l, you know, dreamed about starting a family there, Maggie, but, uh you know, I've always thought the world of you. And I know that you'd do the same for me if the situations were reversed.
Margaret: But, Cliff, how could the... Never mind.

Woody: You are gonna marry her, aren't you, Mr. Clavin? It'd be a shame to have to stone her.
Cliff: Well, uh... I- I guess you do, uh, things differently back there in Hanover, don't you, Wood?
Woody: America's Heartland.

Margaret: Oh, Cliff, are you okay?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Maggie. Thanks.
Margaret: I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I went out and had some pizza and ribs and ice cream and pickles and chocolate.
Carla: [to Sam] Maybe it's Norm's kid.

Man: Well, Miss Howe, you have certainly come to the right place- I'm gonna hook you up with our very best composer. [over intercom] Send in Jason.
Man: We should probably talk about budget now.
Rebecca: Yes. I am prepared to spend as much as $200.
Man: [over intercom] Keep Jason. Somebody wake up Sy Flembeck.
Rebecca: Oh, advertising. You know, I almost went into advertising. I bet that I would've been real good at it, because I am really good with, um... Oh, God, what is that when you call and people are you get two people and they're talking to each other?
Man: You mean communication?
Rebecca: Yes! I have a real knack for that.

Sam: You must be pretty excited to see Maggie, huh?
Cliff: Oh, yeah. Darned excited, Sammy. Yeah, boy, when we're together, we're the hottest couple imaginable. Yeah, I got the hormones, the drive, the needs. Yes siree, yeah, my body's like one big erogenous zone.
Carla: Five, four, three...
Cliff: What are you doing, Carla?
Carla: Counting down. I'm about to launch my lunch.

Margaret: I should go to him.
Frasier: No. Trust me, I'm a doctor. I've seen many cases of shock. What I suggest that you do is go out for a while, give Cliff time to regain his composure, and then you can come on back, sit down and have a nice little chat with him about, uh Well, whatever it is you wish to discuss with him.
Margaret: Thank you, Doctor. Perhaps it was a bit much to spring on him.
Frasier: Yes.
Margaret: Tell him I'll be back in a little while. [exits]
Frasier: All right. Well, from our "things you never thought you'd hear" category, that woman is carrying Cliff's child.