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‘Do Not Forsake Me O' My Postman’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Do Not Forsake Me O' My Postman

1105. Do Not Forsake Me O' My Postman

Aired October 29, 1992

Cliff's ex-girlfriend Margaret (Annie Golden) makes an unexpected visit from Canada. Meanwhile, Rebecca hires a jingle writer, Sy Flambeck (John Mahoney), after seeing Gary's Old Towne Tavern advertising around the city.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Yeah, maybe things just didn't work out in Canada. Yeah, I'll never forget when my Uncle Orlo left Hanover to seek his fortune in the big city. You know what happened? Terre Haute just chewed him up and spit him out. Yep, he came back with his head between his legs.
Sam: Actually, I think the expression is "tail between his legs."
Woody: Oh, no, there was a train accident on the way back. Yep. It's a real tragedy. Yeah, a year later, he drowned in a sitz bath.

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Quote from Carla

Carla: Why'd you do it, Cliff? I begged you to get yourself fixed. I even offered to pay for it. Hell, I offered to do it for you!

Quote from Carla

Norm: Look, Cliffie, when is, uh, when is Maggie actually gonna show up here?
Paul: Yeah, where is this alleged girlfriend of yours?
Carla: Well, uh, Paul, I'm sure there's a very good reason why she isn't here.
Cliff: Well, thank you, Carla.
Carla: Namely that Clavin dismembered her and stacked her in his freezer.
Cliff: Yeah, you know, the police took that call of yours very seriously. [Carla laughs] Missed a half a day's work, thank you very much. Poor Ma didn't know what to think. She tossed out a whole year's worth of Omaha steaks trying to protect me.

Quote from Paul

Paul: So, she's pregnant with your child. You gonna go through Lamaze, or, uh, do you figure it'll just burst out through her chest?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, here's a little-known fact: I'm gonna be your daddy! You know, this isn't exactly the way l, you know, dreamed about starting a family there, Maggie, but, uh you know, I've always thought the world of you. And I know that you'd do the same for me if the situations were reversed.
Margaret: But, Cliff, how could the... Never mind.

Quote from Woody

Woody: You are gonna marry her, aren't you, Mr. Clavin? It'd be a shame to have to stone her.
Cliff: Well, uh... I- I guess you do, uh, things differently back there in Hanover, don't you, Wood?
Woody: America's Heartland.

Quote from Carla

Margaret: Oh, Cliff, are you okay?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Maggie. Thanks.
Margaret: I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I went out and had some pizza and ribs and ice cream and pickles and chocolate.
Carla: [to Sam] Maybe it's Norm's kid.

Quote from Rebecca

Man: Well, Miss Howe, you have certainly come to the right place- I'm gonna hook you up with our very best composer. [over intercom] Send in Jason.
Man: We should probably talk about budget now.
Rebecca: Yes. I am prepared to spend as much as $200.
Man: [over intercom] Keep Jason. Somebody wake up Sy Flembeck.
Rebecca: Oh, advertising. You know, I almost went into advertising. I bet that I would've been real good at it, because I am really good with, um... Oh, God, what is that when you call and people are you get two people and they're talking to each other?
Man: You mean communication?
Rebecca: Yes! I have a real knack for that.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: You must be pretty excited to see Maggie, huh?
Cliff: Oh, yeah. Darned excited, Sammy. Yeah, boy, when we're together, we're the hottest couple imaginable. Yeah, I got the hormones, the drive, the needs. Yes siree, yeah, my body's like one big erogenous zone.
Carla: Five, four, three...
Cliff: What are you doing, Carla?
Carla: Counting down. I'm about to launch my lunch.

Quote from Frasier

Margaret: I should go to him.
Frasier: No. Trust me, I'm a doctor. I've seen many cases of shock. What I suggest that you do is go out for a while, give Cliff time to regain his composure, and then you can come on back, sit down and have a nice little chat with him about, uh Well, whatever it is you wish to discuss with him.
Margaret: Thank you, Doctor. Perhaps it was a bit much to spring on him.
Frasier: Yes.
Margaret: Tell him I'll be back in a little while. [exits]
Frasier: All right. Well, from our "things you never thought you'd hear" category, that woman is carrying Cliff's child.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Well, I don't know, I should have expected it. I mean, the, uh, Clavins never fire blanks. We're breeders, spawners. My loins are brimming with vitality.
Frasier: Well, I'll never eat again. Anybody else?

Quote from Carla

Norm: Well, uh, what do you think Cliffie will have: a boy, a girl?
Carla: Is there a third choice?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, uh, listen, Sam, just to, uh, you know, set the record straight, just 'cause I didn't have sex with Margaret, uh, doesn't mean I haven't bagged my share of chicks.
Sam: No, I know that.
Cliff: I know you do. I'm a pretty sexy guy. You know, women sort of pick up on that.
Sam: Yeah.
Cliff: Want to know my secret? Don't wear any underwear. It's too restraining.
Sam: That's, that's super, man. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that.

Quote from Rebecca

Sy Flembeck: Hey, babe! Your ship just came in! The muse has visited Sy Flembeck. Want to hear what she had to say?
Rebecca: Oh, boy, do l. You know, I just love the whole creative process. And I can be pretty creative myself.
Sy Flembeck: Oh, yeah? Well, then why don't you be Sy Flembeck and I'll be the annoying broad? How's that?
Rebecca: Go ahead. All right. "The Cheers Theme" by Sy Flembeck. [plays flourish] [to the tune of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] Beer and pretzels, that's our game C-H-E-R-S If you don't come here, that's a shame C-H-E-R-S With a C-C here, C-C there
Rebecca: No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What are you doing? That's all wrong! First of all, "Cheers" is spelled with two E's. Second, I paid you a lot of money to come up with an original tune.
Sy Flembeck: You don't need an original tune! You want something that'll bore a hole through the public's little pea brains.
Rebecca: But you are all hype and no substance! I was mesmerized by your show business savvy. You couldn't write a jingle to save your life.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: What do you want to do tonight, Cliff?
Cliff: Eh, I don't know. What do you want to do?
Norm: I don't know.
Rebecca: You guys! You do this all day long for hours.
Cliff: Face it, Rebecca, we're bored. Nothing ever happens around here.
[Andy enters the bar with an explosive belt strapped to his chest]
Rebecca: [gasps] Oh, my God!
Norm: Hey, it's Andy Andy.
Rebecca: What, you know this person?
Cliff: Yeah. Former major felon. Once killed a waitress.
Andy: Where's Diane? I demand to see Diane!
Woody: Well, Miss Chambers hasn't worked here in five or six years.
Andy: Oh, really? Well... okay. [exits]
Cliff: So, what do you want to do?

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: [on the phone] Well, well, well, so Maggie O'Keefe is back in town, huh? Couldn't get enough of the Old Clavin monster, I guess.
Paul: [to Norm] Who's- Who's Maggie O'Keefe?
Norm: That's Cliff's old girlfriend.
Paul: I'm sorry, Cliff's what?
Cliff: [on the phone] Oh, no, no, no, I've been thinking about you, too. What? Aw, come on, I can't say that in front of the guys. All right. I love you, too. [hangs up] That was Ma! Maggie's back in town!
Sam: So, how long has it been since you've seen Maggie?
Cliff: Oh, about six months. She, uh, skipped off to Canada for a while, you know, and according to Ma, she's back in town, wants to see me. I guess she's just looking for a booster shot of "vitamin CC."

Quote from Cliff

Rebecca: Well, I think that we should do some advertising. Maybe we should do a commercial on the radio, you know, a jingle, something real catchy.
Sam: No, I don't want to do a jingle. That's stupid.
Cliff: You know, Sammy's right there, Becs. What you want is a word-of-mouth campaign. I'd be happy to help, you know. I'll talk it up down at the old post office. Before you know it, this place will be wall-to-wall with letter carriers. Now, you think I'm entertaining? Multiply me by a hundred.
Guys: Jingle! Jingle! Jingle!

Quote from Rebecca

Sy Flembeck: So, it's curtains for me, huh? The old "Adios, Flembeck." I knew this day'd come. I gave this firm the best years of my life. It turns around and kicks me right in the old hemorrhoid hotel. Pardon my French, babe. Well, before I go, let me tell you something, Mr. Pimply-Faced Teenager Who's Running the Shop This Week. I wrote "Chocolate, chocolate, who ate my bar?" when you were still dangling from your mother's breast, you cheap S.O.B.!
Man: Sy, we've got a job for you.
Sy Flembeck: You didn't let me finish! You have to be that way, 'cause you're a leader! Leadership has its price, and I respect that, and I respect you! Does it show? The love, I mean?
Man: Well, here you go, Miss Howe. $200 worth of perfection.
Sy Flembeck: Yeah, well, let's go to my cubicle, babe. We'll throw some ideas at the wall and see if they stick.
Rebecca: [whispers] This is so exciting!

Quote from Frasier

Rebecca: I'm sure you'll do a great job.
Sy Flembeck: Of course I will. Perhaps you heard my humble efforts for Fred's Tune-ups. [plays arpeggio flourish] [to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] Tune-ups, tune-ups, that's our game F-R-E-D-S If you don't come here, that's a shame F-R-E-D-S With an F-F here Everybody! F-F there
Frasier: Excuse me! Isn't that just "Old MacDonald's Farm"?
Sy Flembeck: When Old MacDonald pays me 200 bucks, it'll be "Old MacDonald's Farm."

Quote from Frasier

Margaret: How is he?
Sam: Oh, I'm sure he's fine. Hey, how's he doing there, Fras?
Frasier: Oh, better, I think. Carla volunteered to bathe his face with cold water and was doing fine until the seat came down on his head.

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