Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Diane Chambers Day’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Diane Chambers Day

422. Diane Chambers Day

Aired March 20, 1986

When Diane feels left out of the guys' fun, Frasier talks Sam into taking Diane and the guys to her favorite opera.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
Norm: Beats me. I can't find the on-ramp.

Rate

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Hey, hey, your brow is a little furrowed there, my friend. What's the boney, Maroney?
Norm: Well, Vera's getting the urge to go on vacation again.
Sam: Oh.
Cliff: Don't worry. It'll pass. Happens every year.
Norm: No, I think she's serious this time. Maps have been unfolded.
Jackie: Where does she wanna go?
Norm: The tropics. Says she wants to lay in the sand and bake in the sun. I offered a compromise. I said, just turn up the radiator and stick your feet in the cat box.
Frasier: And she didn't go for that?
Norm: No, no. It's my own damn fault. You know, I think I've spoiled that woman.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Mr. Peterson, if you want the vacation of a lifetime, without spending a fortune, I have one word for you.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: Hanover, Indiana.
Norm: All right. Well, what would I do for excitement in, say, Hanover, Indiana?
Woody: Well, if you leave right away, you can catch the Corn Parade. Now, that's kind of like the Rose Parade. But instead of using flowers for the floats...
Cliff: They use corn.
Woody: You've heard of it.

Quote from Carla

Sam: So how'd it go?
Carla: Well, I had a problem with one of the customers.
Sam: Oh, yeah, what?
Carla: He refused to keep his hands on me.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Pardon me, am I mistaken, or did you used to work at the Hungry Heifer?
Corinne: Sure, I worked there.
Norm: Yeah?
Corinne: Say, I know you. The girls there had a pet name for you.
Norm: What was that?
Corinne: That guy who comes back.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Oh, what a glorious night. Somebody pinch me. That's just an expression, Cliff. On second thought, don't pinch me. If this is a dream, I do not want to awaken. Listen, I know that you're all novices to the opera, so I'd like to give you a little background. Tonight's performance is in Italian. I'm sure that you will find it both enlightening and entertaining. Oh, by the way, does anyone need opera glasses?
Cliff: Oh, no, no. [pulls out a pair of large binoculars] I brought a pair of my own there, Diane.
Norm: Cliffie, think those are powerful enough, pal?
Cliff: You better believe it, Norm. Get a load of the warheads on that cellist.
Sam: No, hey, hey, hey. Don't, don't, don't.
Diane: So this charming piece is in three acts. It begins with Edgardo leaving for France to renew his vow of love for Lucia. Though both houses have maintained a feud for years. [Sam takes a peek with Cliff's binoculars] Enrico, Lucia's brother, arranges a marriage between his friend Arturo and Lucia by tricking her into believing that Edgardo has been untrue. But let's watch.

Quote from Norm

Cliff: Hey, Normie? You feel like doing something adventurous tonight?
Norm: I'm already doing that, Cliffie. Vera's trying on a new facial mask this evening, and I kind of wanna rush home and watch it crack.

Quote from Frasier

Cliff: Well, I heard from one of the guys down in the junk-mail room that there's a new act down at the old Wham Bam Room.
Norm: Oh, hot dog. Presenting the finest in nudie entertainment. Come on, Fras, what do you say? Let's go.
Frasier: Oh, you're inviting me along to this evening of devilment?
Norm: Sure. You got a credit card, don't you? There you go.
Frasier: You know, I'm not so sure if it really fits in with my image, you know?
Carla: A desperately lonely character on the make?
Frasier: Well, I guess I'm in. [beeper] Oh, sure. Just when I'm about to have fun. That's Mrs. Benedict.
Norm: How did you know that?
Frasier: Oh, because she's the person I'd least like to hear from. Even her beep is whiny. Excuse me, just two seconds.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: [answers phone] Cheers. Oh, hi, Diane. Why aren't you here? Are you sick or something? Oh, well, you sound all stuffed up. Well, I hope you feel better. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
Frasier: What's the matter with her?
Sam: She said she's got this allergy where you weep uncontrollably. What do you think? Do you think we hurt her feelings a little bit too much last night?
Woody: Hey, maybe we ought to do something to make it up to her. Like send her a bouquet of flowers.
Cliff: Oh, cliche city, huh? You know, whenever I break the heart of a member of the gentler sex, I always send her a nice box of dried figs.

Quote from Carla

Sam: Do me a favor, just pick an opera where it doesn't sound like somebody backing over a cat. Please.
Frasier: We do happen to be in luck. You see, they're playing Diane's favorite tomorrow night. Lucia di Lammermoor by Donizetti.
Carla: Yeah? Well, count me out. You know, every time we had a family gathering, they always tried to get me interested in opera. I just couldn't stand it. It's just a bunch of fat, homely people screeching and trying to stab each other.
Frasier: Well, Carla, you know, not all operas are like that.
Carla: I was talking about the family gathering.

Quote from Diane

Diane: This is becoming the most perfect evening we've ever had together.
Sam: Oh, boy.
Diane: Sam? What is it?
Sam: Oh, l... I can't believe I'm about to say this. Uh, I gotta be honest with you. Frasier planned the whole evening. I had nothing to do with it. What do you think about that? Now...
Diane: Your saying this to me now is one of the most wonderful things you have ever done.
Sam: Oh, boy. Oh! Ha!
Diane: I'm even more attracted to you now than before.
Sam: Oh, that's great. Oh, that's great. Let's go.
Diane: Sam, wait.
Sam: No, no, don't say wait. Don't say wait.
Diane: We can't possibly have sex tonight.
Sam: Sure we can. Sure we can.
Diane: No, don't you realize what you did? You insisted on being honest to me. Respecting me as a person. Even though it meant risking the loss of a night of passion.
Sam: Yeah, well, that kind of stuff should be rewarded, you know?

Quote from Woody

Sam: Hey, man, where's this relief waitress you hired?
Woody: Oh, don't worry, Sam, she's a great waitress, a complete professional.
Sam: Well, how come she's not here?
Woody: Well, she called and said she'd be about 20 minutes late. She wants to get in all her breaks before she starts. Oh, there she is. Hey, Corinne, over here.
Sam: When you asked them for a waitress, did you tell them this was a bar, not a truck stop?
Corinne: Hi, honey. Is this it?
Woody: Yep, Corinne, this is my boss, Sam Malone.
Corinne: Hi, honey. Just give me some checks and we're all set.
Sam: Okay, Woody, why don't you show her where they are?
Woody: It's right down here.
Corinne: Would you look at the size of this place? My dogs'll be barking tonight.

Quote from Sam

Sam: [to Woody] Hey, listen, thanks for helping out. From now on let me pick the waitresses. My customers are used to something with a little more sex appeal.
Al: Sam. Where'd you get the fox?

Quote from Carla

Sam: Carla, it's for you.
Carla: Who is it?
Sam: I don't know. It's one of your daughters.
Carla: Which one?
Sam: I couldn't tell. It sounded like, "Humanity."
Carla: Oh, it's Anne Marie. She's wearing a retainer on her teeth, and she's feeling a little insecure. [takes the phone] Anne Marie? No, I didn't know it was you from your ugly voice. Hon, no. Anne Marie, people are not gonna make fun of you every time you open your mouth. Honey, your family are not people. Yeah, right, goodbye.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Poor kid. I remember when I was at that awkward age. Any little difference between me and the other children and I was embarrassed and humiliated in front of what felt like the world.
Dennis: [enters the bar in costume] Hi, Diane.
Sam: And on it goes.
Dennis: You left your sweater at my apartment.
Diane: Oh, thank you, Dennis. And thanks for bringing it by in this all-too-brief visit. Why are you dressed like that?
Dennis: I'm working the Renaissance Faire.
Diane: Don't they have dressing rooms there?
Dennis: I thought you'd get a kick out of it. You said it was your favorite era.
Diane: Dennis, there's a time and place for everything. And the time for this was the 14th century.

Quote from Diane

Dennis: I'm sorry. So are we still on for Saturday night?
Diane: Next Saturday would be impossible.
Dennis: You don't wanna go out with me again, do you?
Diane: I didn't say that, Dennis. You're putting words in my mouth.
Dennis: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Diane: No, no, they're the right words. Uh, I'll give you a call, Dennis.

Quote from Sam

Diane: All right. All right. I know what's coming. Let's get on with it.
Norm: What? What are you talking about?
Diane: You know. Dennis. He didn't, well... He didn't look very ordinary.
Sam: Oh, nonsense. I thought he looked great. Especially if he was gonna spend the day in Sherwood Forest.

Quote from Cliff

Diane: You're not being very fair. Dennis is a really special guy.
Norm: Yeah, and I sensed that, Diane. I said to myself-- As soon as he walked in, I said, now there's a sissy with a dream.
Diane: Dennis Kaufman is a brilliant puppeteer. He does a wonderful Punch and Judy.
Carla: He'd better have a wonderful punch if he's gonna dress like Judy.
Cliff: Oh, you really pick them, Diane. Next to him, even Frasier looks like Rambo.

Quote from Woody

Diane: Look what I've stooped to. Dennis is a fine human being, and I hustled him out of here like he had the plague. All in an effort to avoid your childish gibes. How will I ever make it up to him?
Frasier: Well, you could always offer to set his hair.
Diane: Fine, fine. Thank you all.
Frasier: Oh, come on. You're overreacting. We were simply indulging in a couple of yuks. Were we not, guys?
Diane: Well, I can understand why you act like this, and Sam stooping to such puerile behavior. You're jealous. But I don't know why everyone else jumps in. Now, Woody here was the only one of you mature enough to refrain from jumping on your mudslinging bandwagon.
Woody: Well, why should l, Miss Chambers? I liked Denise.
Diane: No, that's Dennis.
Woody: I know!

Quote from Frasier

Sam: Guys, Carla, get your coats. You're coming over to my place. Tonight, on the tube, The Magnificent Seven.
Norm: Cliffie, the Wham Bam Room will always be there, but only tonight will the Seven ride.
Cliff: Say no more. Bronson, McQueen, Coburn.
Woody: Don't think I ever saw that one.
Carla: You're kidding. Then tonight you become a man.
Frasier: Well, I'm off.
Cliff: Hey, change of plans, Frasier. The Magnificent Seven, Sammy's TV, tonight.
Frasier: The Seven? Great. I never miss a Horst Buchholz film. Listen, l tell you what. I'll catch up to you just as soon as I talk Mrs. Benedict out of her hamper.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode