Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Coach Returns to Action’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Coach Returns to Action

109. Coach Returns to Action

Aired November 25, 1982

Coach falls for a younger woman who has just moved into his apartment building.

Quote from Cliff

Diane: Well, what I can't fathom is how one can drink cold beer in freezing weather.
Norm: Cliff? Explanation please.
Diane: Now, how do you know he has one?
Norm: Five bucks says he does, ten says it's a doozy.
Cliff: When the British ruled Punjab...
Norm: Ten bucks all the way.
Cliff: ...they drank steaming hot tea on the hottest days of the year to balance out their inside and outside temperatures. See, conversely, drinking an ice-cold drink on a cold day actually results in a more comfortable body temperature.
Diane: All right. Why do you drink ice-cold beer on a hot day?
Norm: Mr. Clavin?
Cliff: What else are you gonna do with it?

Rate

Quote from Norm

Cliff: So, how was your Sunday, Norm? You catch the Celtics-75ers game?
Norm: Oh, yes, and the Bruins-Flyers, the Ramos-Ramos fight. Yesterday, Australian rules football. Tomorrow, we got Boston College play Iona. Put that money down, pal.
Cliff: Eh, I'll be ready.
Diane: Doesn't your wife ever complain that you never spend any time with her?
Norm: Would you?

Quote from Coach

Coach: Sit down, I'll show you the place. Have a seat. Now, let's see. This is the bar. Those are the bottles. These are the glasses. That's a stool. Any questions?
Nina: Well, you know, I've always wondered what gas you use to pressurize those beer kegs.
Coach: Probably unleaded.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: Oh, I don't know what I'm doing back there. Does anyone know anything about plumbing?
Cliff: Well, the Romans had an elaborate system of aqueducts. They were sort of the forerunners of...
Sam: Cliff. Cliff. I need somebody to help me fix the plumbing.
Cliff: Oh, hey, sorry, Sammy. Strictly theory.

Quote from Sam

Carla: Nina, your super called. Your heat's back on.
Nina: Oh, thanks, Carla.
Sam: Listen, Nina. Nina, Nina. Uh, I sense that we've had some trouble hitting it off tonight but I think I know why. Put aside for now my technique, my style, my smooth manner. Put aside my hair, my teeth, my physique. Put all that aside and what have you got? Nothing. You know, I don't even feel like being with a woman tonight. Goodnight, Nina.
Nina: Goodnight, Sam.
Sam: [to Cliff and Norm] Uh... It turns out we were cousins.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Diane: Norman.
Sam: What's up, Norm?
Norm: My nipples. It's freezing.
[Sam slides a beer down the bar, which Norm catches as he takes off his coat and sits down on his stool]

Quote from Coach

Coach: The damnedest thing. I've been shivering all the way over here.
Diane: Coach, you have don't have a coat on, it's 30 degrees outside.
Coach: Oh, thank God, I thought I had malaria.
Diane: Are you all right?
Coach: Well, Diane, I don't know where my mind is today. [clicks fingers] I just remembered, I left it at Nina's apartment.
Diane: Your mind?
Coach: No, my coat.

Quote from Sam

Sam: After our moonlight drive up to the Cape, we'll check into separate rooms, one for us, one for our toothbrushes.
Nina: I wish you could bottle that charm.
Sam: Is that right?
Nina: Yeah. Then I could put a cork in it.

Quote from Carla

Sam: [on the phone] Sure, Sister, that'll be fine. You're welcome. [hangs up]
Cliff: Hey, Sammy, I didn't know you had a sister.
Sam: Oh, no. That's Sister Theresa from St. Matthias School for Girls. She's sending a student over with a playbill.
Carla: Hey, you know that St. Matthias is a good school. I've had two kids thrown out of there.

Quote from Carla

Norm: Well, I gotta get rid of a little bit right now. I'll be in the little boys' room.
Carla: Ah, ah, ah. Hop on one leg, big boy. Sammy, the pipes are clogged up again. Nothing's working back there.
Sam: I'm sorry, Norm. You're gonna have to go up to Melville's again.
Norm: Jacket in the same spot?
Sam: Yeah.
Cliff: Ah, what a drag there, Norm, having to dress up to go to the john.
Carla: Come on. You know, you men have it easy. We have to wear taffeta and have the correct change.

Quote from Carla

Sam: I'll be in the back with my pipes.
Diane: Wait. I've got an order.
Sam: Carla's got the bar. Right, Carla?
Carla: That's right, go ahead! [rings bell] OK, everybody! Carla's got the bar. You can have anything you want, as long as it doesn't have ice, straws, cherries, olives, mixer, umbrellas, fruits or flames. An order.
Diane: I need an old-fashioned, a brandy Alexander and a martini.
Carla: Three beers coming up.

Quote from Coach

Diane: Who's Nina?
Coach: Oh, just a girl who moved into my building today. I helped her move some of her stuff in. Diane, it's the damnedest thing. I kept wanting to smell her neck.
Diane: You wanted to smell her neck?
Coach: Yeah, and it just hit me what that's all about.
Diane: Physical attraction?
Coach: No, Lux. It used to be the soap of the stars.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Diane, don't say anything about this to anybody, please.
Diane: Why?
Coach: Well, it's embarrassing. And if you're my friend, you won't say anything, OK?
Diane: Coach, you're a normal, healthy man who's attracted to a woman. What's wrong there?
Coach: Well, for one thing, she's a lot younger than me.
Diane: How much younger?
Coach: Well, you'll see, I told her where I work and she said might drop in after she unpacks.
Girl: [enters] Hello.
Coach: Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Diane: [grabs Coach's arm] You're under arrest. Are you crazy?
Coach: That's not her.

Quote from Diane

Coach: Hi, come on in.
Girl: I'm from St Matthias School. Uh, Sam said I could put a playbill up.
Coach: Oh, good.
Diane: What play are you doing?
Girl: We're putting on a production of Twelve Angry Men, a taut, absorbing psychological drama.
Diane: When I was your age, we did Romeo and Juliet.
Girl: We were looking for something with more meat.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Hey, let me do it.
Sam: Oh, give me a break, Carla.
Carla: No, come on. I'm an expert at this stuff. I've got four kids and one bathroom. My kids gave me Drano for Mother's Day. Here, give me that wrench. I'm going in there.
Sam: All right, go get them.
Carla: [shouts] Okay, everybody out of the men's room.
Man: [o.s.] Why didn't you say that before you came in?

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode